This is a story about two eccentric billionaires and their journey from rags to riches. At times very funny and at others serious.
"Big issue! Big issue!"
Two hobos (one called Adam Welmington and one called Ben Costington) would stand around in the streets of London saying that all day. The most they would sell in one day would be about 5. No one wanted to talk to them, in fact no one would even spit on them if they were on fire.
"You people make me sick! Why do you do this? It is just so you can afford the drug you are addicted to." said a passer by on afternoon.
"Well actually I've never taken drug in my life never has Ben in fact..."
"Yep, that's right all you ever do is go out and buy drugs."
"What's your name?" asked Ben.
"Why it's Ian Smith of course."
"Why is that of course?" asked Adam.
"Well er um... good bye druggies!"
Ian walked off.
"Big Issue! Big Issue!" said Ben.
A man in a lab coat came up to him.
"Oh, OK, I'll bye one I never have the guts to say no to anybody."
"Oh rEally," said Adam "Well buy 20 of them then."
"Oh, OK, sure, just take this £20 note. Good bye"
The scientist walked off.
"Hey, wait a minute, this is not money, it's just a piece of paper!" said Adam.
"What is that what it says on it?"
"It says "How To Win The Lottery Every Time."
"Well how do you win the lottery every time?"
A bird flew some twigs to the tree next to Adam and Ben. It was making a nest for soon it would be ready to lay it's eggs.
"... and that's how you win the lottery every time."
"Wow!" said Ben.
1 year later.
Adam got out of his mansion and waved over at Ben in his mansion which was next door to Adam's.
Adam got into his solid gold flying limo and Hotchkins, his butler, started driving him along. Adam pressed a button and a screen appeared with Ben's face on it.
"Hey old bean. Remember back last year when we were lower class?, there was that frightful young man who called us "druggies"."
"Yes, I do Adam. He was Ian Smith. What a cheap family."
"Yes, well, I've contemplated a revenge. I'll have a camera planted in his house so we can watch it later."
That night Adam and Ben were watching it on there TV.
Ian entered his living room.
"That weird I don't remember having a grandfather clock, a bed and a life size model dummy in my house." he said to himself.
Then suddenly the clock, the bed and the model dummy transformed into giant killer robots.
"KILL THE HUMANOID!" said one of the robots.
"AFFIRMATIVE" said the other two.
After 5 minuets the whole house including Ian was one giant pile of ashes.
"It's so great being rich we can do what we want just because we can afford it!" said Adam.
"Do it in the posh voice"! said Ben.
"Nah lets not do the posh voice."
"FINE!" said Ben.
Ben and Adam were just having a jet-pack race aroud their mansions when the door bell went #Ding dong we are rich, Ding dong we are rich, we have have lots of money, we have have lots of money# the bell went. "I'll get it" said Ben, so he lowerd himself down to the ground and answered the door, while Adam crashed into a painting by Piccaso "Ooops", Adam said,
"Don't worry, i can by loads more,(snobby laughing)Ha! Ha!Ha! Ha!" Ben opened the mansion door and saw that it was the man in the lab coat.
"SH**!" yelled Ben, as he tried to slam the door shut but was to slow, so the man in the lab coat jumped in the mansion. "What did you say to me?" asked the man in the lab coat nerviously Ben said "Umm? I said? Umm? SHIP"
"Never mind! I'm here because I'm looking for my piece of paper with a secret written on it and i need it back, and I'll do anything to get it back, ANYTHING!"
"We won't be the richest people in the world if he gets his paper back." thought Ben.
"What you've gotta do is go to this small town or is it a town i don't actually no I suppose it is but then again... Oh any way we gave it to this guy called Adam Brown who lives in Potley go there and get it from him if he says he hasn't got it he will have hidden it in his house so tear his house apart to find it, BYE!"
Ben slammed the door in his face. He could hear the man walking away.
"I guess we won't be seeing him again." said Ben to himself.
One Day Adam was thinking about a way to spend a lot of money when he suddenly he had the perfect idea so he ran out and into his solid gold flying limo.
When Adam got home he told Ben to come into his house. When Ben came in he saw that Adam was now a giant robot.
"This is great Ben, now I am invincible and I'll never age. I am now a Cyber Person." said Adam.
"Don't you mean Cyberman?"
"No, no, Cyber Person totally different thing."
"Oh well it's quite a rubbish, now you don't have a mouth so you can't eat, kiss, stick your tongue out or blow."
"Oh that's quite bad. I had better put my brain back in my old corpse. Oh yea by the way I thought this was really before so I put I sign on the Cyber Person making which said "Really cool thing in here only £5."
"What are you saying?"
"Well we have £5000 of profit."
"So you made a million of those things!"
"Er, no, 1000."
"Oh yeah, I forgot to carry the 1."
Suddenly a bunch of Cyber People smashed in through the windows.
"We can not eat anymore son you will be ERASED."
Then Ben said "Don't you mean "Deleted?"
"No I mean ERASED!"
Adam and Ben then ran into Adam's garden. Adam got into the Cyber Person machine and turned back into his normal self.
Ben and Adam then turned around and saw they were surrounded by the Cyber People.
"I know," Said Ben "money will make everything better."
So Adam and Ben both through all the money in there pockets at them so the Cyber People picked it up and walked off.
"You idiot, Adam." said Ben.
Adam then punched Ben in the arm. Ben then hit Adam with a baseball bat. Adam then set fire to Ben with a flame thrower. Ben then s,tabbed Adam in the eye with a pen.
"Hey, wait, we can't fight. We are too rich!" said Adam
"Hmmm?", said Ben, "What?", said Adam "Oh, nothing"
"alright alright ALRIGHT!!!! i was just thinking we get a bit lonely at night, and we can't live together because it would be gay, i meAn realLy realLy gay, ooow, anYway so why don't we get pets, but not just any pets, dinosaur pets!!"
"Hmmm?" said Adam
"What?" said Ben
"alright alright ALRIGHT!!!! i was just thinking that it was a good idea"
a few hours later....
"Eureka! we did it, adam, we made 2 T-Rexes"
suddenly the butler walked in with a massive plate
"Your T-Rex-sized steaks and veggie steaks are ready, sirs"
Suddenly, Ben's T-Rex ate the butler
"Oh no," said Adam "My butler's dead"
"Don't worry," said Ben pushing a red button, "Here's a new one"
Suddenly, a tube appeared from above and out popped a new butler.
"How'd you do that?!" said Adam
"We're rich, we can do what we want"
Then, the T-Rexes looked at Ben and Adam
"wow, just imagine what crazy adventures we will have with these T-Rexes", said Adam
"Well, that's for a another chapter, ummm...he screams out of terror, "...OF OUR LIVES!!!"
One day Adam was sitting in his mansion watching the news on his 182 inch plasma TV.
Some guy came into the main room on the news.
"Scientists have finally been digging the hole right to the center of the Earth after ten long years they managed to only spend £99 billion on this hole more on that story later. On the lighter side of the news the Queen openly admitted to being a cocaine addict."
An egg then smashed against the window.
"I'll need to deal with those hooligans." said Adam to himself.
He then went and got his pet dinosaur. He came out with his dinosaur Princess and ate the hooligans.
Adam and Princess then went back into the mansion.
"Hotchkins!" called Adam.
The Butler then came over.
"I'm not Hotchkins I'm Higgins, Hotchkins got eaten remember."
"Oh yeah... Anyway Hochkins I want you to build a dome forcefield around mine an Ben's mansions to keep the local hooligans away."
"Very well sir I'll get some scientist."
The next morning Adam and Ben's mansions were protected by a forcefield. Adam and Ben then heard the TV.
"This just in there is a new hole in the O-zone layer and it is directly above the hole to the center of the Earth and a huge beam of sunlight has gone down it causing every volcano in the world to simultainiously erupted."
The butler just entered the garden.
"If all the volcanoes in the world are erupting we had better turn on the forcefield." said Ben.
Ben pulled the leaver and the forcefield turned on trapping the butler outside. Then the mansions inside the forcefield were totally submerged in lava. It was like a dome at the bottom of a sea of lava.
"Oh I need a new butler." said Adam.
So he pressed a switch and a tube came down and a new butler popped out..
Adam and Ben could no longer leave the forcefield because of the lava. So they just lived in the mansion and made sure not to pull the leaver to turn off the forcefield.
One day suddenly Adam and Ben's worst enemy the scientist appeared in Adam's mansion.
"How are you alive you got eaten by a dinosaur." asked Adam
"Well when I was eaten I was swallowed whole and luckily I was holding my trusty old teleportation device. So I teleported out just now and now I'm free. But as the world is covered in lava I have decided to sacrifice my self to kill you two!" The scientist then pulled the switch and totally flooded both mansions with lava.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!", screamed Adam as he woke up on a mattress in a junk yard. He woke up Ben who was sleeping on a dead raccoon also in the junk yard.
"What?" asked Ben.
"Oh I had a dream we got rich and didn't have to sell the big issue and we had a scientist who hated us pet dinosaurs solid gold limos that could fly and we had to fight off Cybermen... I mean Cyber People. Then the whole world got flooded by lava and we died." said Adam.
"Crazy dream. Anyway we best get bwack to sleep so we are wide awake for joining the Army tomorrow as that is the only job we could do to get money remember?"
The next day Adam and Ben signed up for the army.
"Stupid army we will get paid and there probably won't even be a war to fight." said Ben.
Then suddenly the general in the room said. "Okay, so, England has decided we don't like France so we are having a war!"
"Dammit!" said Ben.
Adam and Ben then were shipped off to France to go over the top just like they made people do in World War One.
Adam and Ben along with a bunch of other people ran out into no mans land dodgeing as many bullets as they could Ben got hit and fell to the ground and landed on a land mine and exploded.
Adam then got hit in the head and his head exploded and his brains splattered everywHere.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Screamed Adam.
"That was so weird I dreamed I had a dream of a dream." Adam said to himself then went back to sleep in his mansion.
Everything was back to normal.
Ben and Adam were just having a jet-pack race around their mansions when the door bell went #Ding dong we are rich, Ding dong we are rich, we have have lots of money, we have have lots of money# the bell went. "I'll get it" said Ben, so he lowered himself down to the ground and answered the door, while Adam crashed into a painting by Piccaso "Ooops" Adam said
"Don't worry, i can by loads more,(snobby laughing)hahahaha" Ben open the mansion door and saw that it was the man in the lab coat.
"SH**!" yelled Ben, as he tried to slam the door shut but was to slow, so the man in the lab coat jumped in the mansion. "What did you say to me!" asked the man in the lab coat nerviosaly Ben said "umm? i said? umm? SHIP"
"never mind! i'm here because i'm looking for my piece of paper with a secret writtin on it and i need it back, and i'll do anthing to get it back, ANYTHING!"
"We won't be the richest people in the world if he gets his paper back." throught Ben.
"What you've gotta do is go to this small town or is it a town i don't actually no I supppose it is but then again... Oh any way we gave it to this guy called Adam Brown who lives in Potley go there and get it from him if he says he has'nt got it he will have hidden it in his house so tear his house apart to find it BYE!"
Ben slammed the door in his face. He could hear the man walking away.
"I guess we won't be seeing him again." said Ben to himself.
... Pretend to be one of these aliens and sneek into the place there leader is and kill him so all the aliens then obay us!"
"That won't work Ben!"
"Yeah it will com'on!"
"But thoes aliens have tenticals for arms and eyes on stalkes."
"What an idiot."
Ben and Adam (With bog roll tubes on there heads and there arms down there sleaves) walked otu into the street and saw there current butler runnig away from two of the aliens when they shot him and he fell down.
Ben and Adam went over to him.
"We're gonna bill you for the suit." said Adam.
"I'm sorry masters. I was unable to finish the cleaning I... I... blagh."
"I guess it's time to press the new butler button yet again!" said Ben as he pressed the button.
"Damn what with there being an alien invasion it must be broken."
So Adam and Ben started walking to the newly built alien castle in the centre of the town they live in.
Adam and Ben got to the castle gate were two muscley aliens were stood gaurd.
"Excuse me my alien chum would you be so kind to let me and my friend enter your humble obode?"
"Yeah sure buddy go right in!" said the alien.
"Worked like a charm!" said Ben to a confused looking Adam.
"We shall let the emperor deal with these two imposter humans." whispered one of the aliens to another. Then they both started evily chuckleing.
Ben and Adam arrived in the throne room.
"Me an Adam here are not actually aliens but humans with a gun and now you shall die!" said Ben.
The emperor pulled out a gun shot Ben and turned him into a pile of dust.
"A lot of help he was..." muttered Adam "What do your spicies want here?" asked Adam.
"Well my home planet along with my universe was destroyed and only one ship surrvived and fanx to cloning we rebuilt the spicies but we need a new home world and we chose Earth. Oh and by the way we are called Un..."
"Yeah, Yeah i diden't want your life story!"
"Yes well you will suffer the same fate as your frend!"
Then suddenly bright light appeared in the sky with Adam's first butler flying down from it.
"I'm sorry that I was unable to finish my work for you on the day I was eaten by your dinosaur and as I can see you never replaced me with a new butler I shall use my ghost powers to revive Ben and destroy these evil aliens!"
1 MOUNTH LATER.
"I feel kinda guilty about always replacing the butlers after they die." said Adam to Ben on his mobile. When suddenly Adam accidentally ran over his butler in his golden flying limo. "Never mind!" said Adam as he pressed the new butler button.
Adam sat all alone in his deep, dark, echoic, lonely mansion all alone just looking at the muted TV as it went through boring adverts.
He called for his butler just for some company.
"Do you not ever get lonely just doing lots of crazy things with me and Ben beacause we can afford to and then just coming home to the big empty mansion?"
"If you remember correctly m'lord I have only been here a few days I'm a mere replacement for the last butler who was tragically run over the other day."
“Oh yeah go back to what ever it was you were doing then!”
The butler slowly walked off into another room while Adam fell asleep on his chair.
Ben burst through the doors suddenly by which time it was now morning.
“Hey guess what!” said Ben.
“I really don’t no.” said Adam.
“I’ve bought us a tank each and guess were I've thought of to attack first!”
“Erm I dunno tell me.”
“It’s the boringist place on Earth on it’s... “
Meanwhile in the Big Brother house all the house mates are just sitting and making racial insults at each other and the same thing is happening over and over again. Ones just got naked oh well now they are all just sitting in silence. Just sitting... Still sitting. Suddenly two tanks burst through the wall one driven by Ben Costington and the other by Adam Welmington.
“This'll teach you to be on TV all day wasting valuable hours doing nothing but swearing and getting naked!” shouted Adam as he and Ben processed to destroy the whole house until it was a flaming pile of rubbish. Adam then stepped out of his tank and up to a shattered camera which was till managing to function.
“You petty, small minded people who watch this shame me if you pathetic people had not watched this it would probably never have had any more then one series made but nooo you had to come back everyday and watch again. Well think of what you could have done in the hours you wasted watching this poppy cock you could have been helping the poor or trying to find a cure for cancer but instead you decided to make your insignificant little existence even more insignificant! You should be ashamed of yourselves.” Adam then smashed the camera into small shards of broken glass and metal.
Adam then got back into his tank and him and Ben headed back to there mansions.
Adam and Ben arrived back at there homes.
“I’m gonna go destroy some X factor fans you gonna come Adam?” asked Ben.
“Nah you go have fun even though destroying the Big Brother house was really fun I’m still feeling depressed I’m gonna stay here in my mansion.”
“Ok suit yourself.” Ben’s tank then turned around with him in it and he drove off down the road.
“Maybe my pet dinosaur can give me some comfort.” said Adam to himself.
Adam walked off to his dinosaur’s giant dog house.
“Hello Princess,” Adam said to the dinosaur, ”Have you been a good girl for your daddy? yes you have yyyes you have!” The dinosaur then rolled onto it’s back and started purring like a giant cat.
Then a fat nerd walked past the door of the giant dog house.
“I can’t believe this! In issue # 143 Spider Man leaves his true love on the planet Krypton during his exiting time travelling cross over with Super Man, she then returns in issue # 253 and is presumably killed sacrificing her life to save the Earth from the clutches of Dark Spider Man ... However in issue # 300 he meets her back on Krypton and she has no recollection of there past adventure. this is a clear contradiction!”
The dinosaur's nose twitched then it ran after the fat nerd.
“I guess even my pet doesn't love me.” said Adam sadly as he walked back into his house.
After sitting alone awhile Adam decided he would go to an action to get his mind off things. Adam got there and quietly sat on his own at the back .
“And next up we have a caged troll who answers to the J. Anybody wanna buy a troll. My starting bid is £300. I’ve got £350. Anybody else? I've got £400 anybody wanna buy this troll it’s going for £400 going going and sold to the gentleman at the back!”
A big fat man stood up with a shirt that says i make trolls into burgers on it.
“I aint going off with that freak! I‘m gonna go get some pies!!” said J he then vanished in a puff of smoke.
“God this is boring.” Adam moaned to himself.
“God this is boring.” said a Woman in front of him.
“Do you hate this to?”
“Yer this is worse then Big Brother I wish somebody would get a tank and destroy the Big Brother house!”
“It’s funny you should say that because that is exactly what me and my mate did this morning!”
“Really I’ve always wanted to meet another crazy zillionair who just did crazy things because they can afford to!”
“You know even though we’ve just met I'm falling in love with you!”
“I feel the same! But I don’t even no your name!”
“It’s Elizabeth what's yours?”
Elizabeth then jumped on Adam out of view of everyone nd all that could be heard was a sound like EMRAGHRAHEMRAGH for a few hours!
That night Adam and Elizabeth were both sitting in Adam’s mansion.
“ You no I’ll do anything for you?”
“Would you really?”
“Yes I would tell me anything and I will probably be able to no matter what me being so rich and all!”
“Well ok then I’ve always wanted to visit a fictional place no matter were it would be cool!”
“OK then I will I’ll find a scientist who believes that everything fictional exists somewhere and get him to teleport us to it!”
“OK do it I would love you even more if you do it!”
“I couldn't help over hearing,” said the butler, “but I myself have been researching the theory that everything ever written exist somewhere. Imagine If you will we are living in part of an Omniverse.”
“What the hell is that?” asked Adam.
“It is an infinite of Universes stuck together all these Universe are real and we are part of them. But next to our Omniverse is an Omniverse of fiction each TV series, Film, book and radio series have there very own Universe an all together they from an Omniverse. This theory cam about a few years ago when the Oniverses were torn and fictional characters escaped into our Universe, this happened in a school in Corsham and...”
“Yeah, Yeah we don't wanna no the history of it!” shouted Elizabeth .
“Well the point is that there is a machine that could be built to tare a hole in the Oniverses again but this will cost an awfully large amount of money so I’ll have to be funded!”
“That’s OK I’m rich remember!”
6 MONTHS LATER
“Now m’lord the machine is ready to tare open the Oniverses !”
“Cool I’ll go and get Ben he hasn't done anything in a while and he will probably want to visit a fictional person!”
Adam left the mansion with Elizabeth and the butler standing near the machine.
“You no m’lady all this energy used in making the machine and the n turning it on as well will probably leave the own powerless.”
“It’s OK as soon as I have visited the fiction Universe I will pay for an emergency power supply for the town.”
Adam and Ben entered the room.
“OK butler open the Oniverses!” said Ben.
“He’s my butler I get to say that!... OK butler open the Oniverses!”
Then the butler pulled the leaver and a strong wind started and after crack of lightening a hole appeared in the middle of the room. Adam, Ben and Elizabeth stepped through to see... nothing at all they were just floating in white nothingness so they all went back through the hole.
“This is a load of rubbish you butler there is nothing in there!”
“There is a simple explanation for that and it is that it is from a film or something were the universe gets destroyed... sorry.”
“Why you I’ll, I’ll...”
Suddenly they could here chanting so they looked out the window to see angry protesters who wanted there energy back that had been drained by the machine. One of them set fire to Adam’s mansion.
The butler seeing this quickly jumped out the window. Adam jumped into the hole to the fiction Universe.
“Get in quick!” shouted Adam to Ben and Elizabeth but unfortunately the fire destroyed the machine holding the hole open. Then Ben and Elizabeth both collapsed from the smoke.
“NO NO NO!!” cried Adam from inside the fiction Universe scratching desperately at were the hole had been but it did no good all he could do was wait and wait until the end of time.
Mr. Johnston was not really a strange man or a brave man and defiantly not an evil man. Mr. Johnston was just a regular guy who had a regular job and a regular fife.
He would come home from the science lab (were he worked) everyday to his loving wife and they would ave dinner watch TV and go to bed.
One day he was sitting outside during his lunch break he was just about to open his lunch box.
“It’ll be cheese sandwiches today,” he said to himself “it’s always cheese on Mondays.”
Mr. Johnston was right it was cheese. He then ate his sandwiches.
That evening at 6 o clock Mr. Johnston got back home. It was no different then normal as 6pm was the regular time he arrived home.
“Hi Jessica I‘m home! They’ve nearly got the formula for it at work!” called Mr Johnston.
“Hello dear that’s very nice.” said Mrs. Johnston (Jessica) upon entering the room.
“You no Jessica I’m so pleased that it’s nearly finished. Because when they’ve finished the formula I can finally get you all the nice things I’ve promised you: a nice car, a big house and our own pool. I do love you you know Jessica?”
“Yes I do know darling and I love you to.”
Mr Johnston and his wife both walked into the lounge sat down on the sofa and turned on the TV.
“Oh good our favourite TV show Big Brother is coming on. You know I can’t think of a better theme for a TV show other then people sitting around and arguing with each other.”
“I know it’s really exciting!”
Mr Johnston arrived at work the next mourning with a big smile on his face because he knew that he and his loving wife would soon be rich.
His lunch break came round. Tuesday today. That means egg sandwiches. Mr. Johnston imagined that in the near future he would never have to eat these egg sandwiches (which he hated so much) again. Instead he would be eating caviar and duck at lunch times and paying visits the country club whenever he got bored.
After his lunch break he went back into the lab and to his computer. After about five minuets he realised that he had it. He had the formula that would make him rich. He quickly wrote down (on a piece of paper almost exactly the same size as a twenty pound note ) what the formula told him. How to win the lottery every time. He told the other scientist he had done it and ran out of the building to test it.
He was walking toward the nearest news agents.
“ Well er um... good bye druggies!” he heard a man shout and looked over to see to big issue sellers and a man walking away from them.
He walked over to them.
Before they could ask he said. "Oh ok I'll bye one I never have the guts to say no to anybody."
"Oh really," said the big issue seller "Well bye 20 of them then."
"Oh ok sure just take this £20 note. Good bye" said Mr. Johnston as he took his big issue and walked off.
He got to the newsagents and asked for a lottery ticket. He reached into he pocket to get the sheet that told him how to win out and he couldn't find it. He was desperately searching every pocket even the ones ho knew it wasn’t. He screamed and ran out of the newsagents to his house.
“Hello Jessica” said Mr. Johnston as he cam in the door.
She came in with a smile then she saw his sad face and stopped smiling.
“What’s wrong dear?” asked Jessica.
“I’ve lost the formula and we will never be able to become rich!” said Mr. Johnston in tears.
“Oh well don’t worry dear,” said Jessica in a comforting voice. “I’m sure it’ll turn up. When was the last time you had it?”
“Well I put it into the pocket of my lab coat. Then I walked into town, and then... I must have given it to those to homeless people! Oh yes I remember now I meant to give them a twenty pound note but I gave them that instead!”
“You see dear all you will have to do is find those two gentlemen and explain to them waht’s happened and I’m sure they will understand.”
“I guess.” said Mr. Johnston as he left the house to look for the two homeless people.
“Don’t worry dear I’m sure this time next year we’ll be millionaires! Sorry I had to quote that!”
“Well If you say so...”
One year later.
“I’ve been searching the streets everyday to find those people it’s hopeless I’ll never find them!” said Mr’ Johnston.
“Oh don’t be like that. I’ve heard there have been some mansions recently built near here. Perhaps it’s those people you are looking for, because no doubt they will have used the formula to win the lottery so then they might have decided to have new homes built. It’s worth a shot looking.” said Jessica.
“Oh yeah good thinking!” said Mr. Johnston.
He got to the two mansions next to each other one was called Welmington Manor and the other was called Costington House.
He decided to go to Costington House. He walked down the long drive way all the way up to the front door. He pressed the door bell and instead of the usual ding dong he heard this.
“Ding dong we are rich, Ding dong we are rich, we have have lots of money, we have have lots of money!”
Then a ginger guy with a top hat and suit flew down behind the door wearing a jet pack..
The door opened.
“SH**!” yelled the man at the door and slammed the door shut but he wasn't fast enough so Mr. Johnston had just enough time to jump in through the door.
“What did you say to me!” asked Mr Johnston.
“umm? i said? umm? SHIP.” said the man at the door nervously.
"never mind! I'm here because I'm looking for my piece of paper with a secret written on it and i need it back, and I'll do anything to get it back, ANYTHING!"
The man at the door thought to himself for a while.
"What you've gotta do is go to this small town or is it a town i don't actually no I suppose it is but then again... Oh any way we gave it to this guy called Adam Brown who lives in Potley go there and get it from him if he says he hasn't got it he will have hidden it in his house so tear his house apart to find it BYE!"
The door then slammed in Mr. Johnston’s face. He started to walk away to his car so he could drive to Potley.
He arrived there within an hour and parked his car in a sort of woody place with a road going through it. He got out of the woody bit and started walking into the neighbourhood. Then a little child no older then 5 ran up to him and stabbed him in the shin. He fell to his knees. Another child (this one about 10 maybe) ran up and whacked him in the face with a baseball bat. Then an older boy of about 15 did a drive by shooting on him and he fell to the ground in a pool of blood. The children all ran away.
Jessica was sitting alone in her house. When the door bell rang.
She answered the door to see a policeman.
“Excuse me, Mrs. Johnston?”
She nodded her head.
“There's been an accident your husband’s in hospital.”
Mr. Johnston was in a body cast in a bed in a coma.
Jessica came in and looked at him.
“I’m sorry I made you go up to those mansions. I’ll go to them and ask them why they sent you to that dreadful place! And I will make them give us that formula!”
Mrs. Johnston arrived at the mansions at night. She walked down the drive way to the front door of Welmington Manor. Then suddenly a huge robot approached her.
“Who are you?” the robot demanded.
“I’m... I’m Jessica Johnston who or what are you?”
“It is not important who me or my kind are. You also are unimportant! This female shall be ERASED!” it shouted. About 20 more of these robots came from the sides of the house and circled her.
“ERASE!” they said in canon with one another.
One shot her in the side she tried to out pressure on the wound but then another shot and another and another. It was to much pain for her to handle she fell to ground looking up and died. The robots then smashed there way into the mansion through the window...
One month later.
Mr. Johnston had fully recovered his injuries and was looking forward to coming home to his wife. However when he got home a policeman had some bad news for him...
After his wife had died and he had lost the chance to become rich because of Adam Welmington and Ben Costington. He slowly went insane thinking up many different way to kill them both. Then he looked over at the TV. It was his favourite TV show Big Brother.
He watched for a while and because he loved it so much he was able to in his mind he forgave Adam and Ben.
Then as he watched they destroyed the Big Brother house in a pair of tanks.
Adam looked into the camera.
“You petty, small minded people who watch this shame me if you pathetic people had not watched this it would probably never have had any more then one series made but nooo you had to come back everyday and watch again. Well think of what you could have done in the hours you wasted watching this poppy cock you could have been helping the poor or trying to find a cure for cancer but instead you decided to make your insignificant little existence even more insignificant! You should be ashamed of yourselves.” said Adam then he smashed the camera and the screen turned to snow.
“That’s it no matter how, no matter when I must kill Adam Welmington and Ben Costington!” Mr Johnston shouted to himself.
Then six months later he went out and on the front page of the newspaper was the following headline “WORLD RICHEST MEN KILLED IN PROTESTER INFERNO.”
“This is terrible he said to himself I wanted to kill them!. But wait I can still kill those b*******!”
During that 6 month gap he had built a number of machines to use for his revenge. One of which was a devise used for reviving the dead that he had built for his wife but later learned it could only work on people had head died recently. The insane professor thought up a new plan to kill them both. With his revival machine under his arm he headed to the morgue.
That night he broke in.
He opened one of the freezers expecting to find Adam’s corpse but instead some woman.
The next one did have Ben in it like expected. He used the machine and a beam of light came from it and inti Ben’s corpse. His burned up skin changed to normal and his eyes opened.
“(He let out a long and loud yawn) who are you then?” he asked.
“Don’t you remember imbecile?”
“Nope!” said Ben still inside the freezer.
“You can call me The Professor. Now were that other idiot?”
“What you mean Adam?” asked Ben.
“YES I DO!”
“Oh well you were wrong to come here. He never died stupid. He’s trapped in a destroyed fiction universe. Well I think that’s were he is it was all rather confusing!”
“Yes, Yes come on put these clothes on and lets get going to my lab!” he said.
When they arrived at his lab Ben stayed in the car (tied up). The professor ran into his lab and came back with a similar looking devise. Got back into the car and drove to the burned down mansion were Adam once lived.
He activated the devise and re opened the hole in the Omniverse. Adam fell out as if he had been leaning on the bit that opened up,
“YIPEEE IM FREE!” shouted Adam and started doing a victory dance.
“I wouldn't celebrate if I were you. My master plan to destroy you is coming up and it cannot fail!” Said the Professor. Then he started insanely laughing and drove off.
“What did he say?” asked Ben to Adam.
“I dunno something about being gay.”
buzz, zap kapow! went the noises of a strange machine in a damp cold basement. "it's been 45 years but by combinding some old inventions, like the DNA mixer, i've nearly completed this amazing new invention bwa ha ha" said an old crazy lord Ben Costington. "now all i need is a... uh... a.... oh no i forgot wat i needed. Darnit i need some help." suddenly 4 strange people were in the basement aswell. "hi we need help too, thats why we're going to see the gr8 Egan of marz. my name is Sarah krach... kriky... kookoo.... my name is Sarah. and i wanna go home to Cathrine Park." said 1 of the 4. "i'm sam forrester. and i need a... a... a bag of grain? no wait a BRAIN" said another. "i'm chris and i need sum courage so i can kill everyone." said 1 more "i'm nick and i need a heart no more questions ok or i'll shove your no-no parts in your own mouth" Ben looked confused and scared but realised most days are like this, so he went along with the 4 weirdo's. wen they got outside Ben's old creepy Mansion nick saw a kitten in the middle of the road. So he ran over, piked it up, then was run over by a bus. "hmm" went Ben "oh well lets go on ahead without him" everyone agreed. Ben rememberd that he had a space ship. so the all climed in. But it wouldnt work because Ben used the space ship to power his machine. chris volenterd to refuel the ship so he got out the ship and filled it up. "its ready!" shouted chris, so ben turned on the engine and the jets. but the fire from the jets burnt poor chris ro death. "will people stop wasting time by dieng!" yelled Ben. wen the remaing 2 weirdo's and Ben la ded on mars Sam quickly ran out the space ship with out putting on his space suit "we're here we're finaly here... ARRR GARR CHOKE BLAH!" "sam you idiot now you've just wasted time by dieng!" yelled ben yet again in his space suit. "come on sarah lets go... Sarah?" Ben turned round to see a man standing there, "who are you?" asked Ben "I'm Steven Noad" he replied "wheres Sarah?" said Ben
"Ummm... i don't know" said Steven Noad, "Did you eat Sarah, Steven?" asked Ben "Ummm... Yes" Ben shrugged and pulled out a gun "That's it I've had enough, Egan where are You!!!?" Ben killed Steven and started blowing everything on Mars up. Soon a man with a white robe and long hair n beard floated down from space "in am the great Egan of Marz, and i know who you are Ben Costington And I know what u seek. Don't ask me how i know these things and more, because i am the Great Egan and I know all" Ben stopped and was gobbed-smacked "what do i need to make my Invention to work?" asked ben "you need this," egan gives ben a circley thing and says "its called an on button. now that you have it i can send you home and you can finish your invention, bye."
Ben was suddenly in his basement with his invention and the on button. "there we go, put that there and done. one time and space portel ready for use, now i can save adam. AT LAST! I'M COMMING TO SAVE YOU BUDDY!!" ben pushed the button and there was a big flash and the whole universe was sucked into the machine and spat out again.
"oh, oh, where am i? Ben where are you?" groaned Adam Welmington, ben was jumping up and down in cheer "it worked! the universe is back to noramal and adams back! and i'm young again! and my masions not creepy! thanks egan." ben looked at the machine "hmm according to this the date is the date Adam went to the auction and fell in love, well this time i'm making things right" Ben sat Adam down and explanned EVERYTHING that had happened an then things went back to normal (well as normal as it gets for them).
Ben looked at the machine "hmm according to this the date is the date Adam went to the auction and fell in love, well this time i'm making things right" Ben sat Adam down and explained EVERYTHING that had happened an then things went back to normal (well as normal as it gets for them).
“I’m quite the genius aren't I Adam?” Said Ben smugly.
“Yes you are Ben it’s completely out of character for you to do something clever!” replied Adam.
“Now let’s go out and give our money to charity like we normally do!”
“Yes and on our way we could entertain the elderly at the old peoples home!”
“Jolly good then let’s go! I mean if you’ve gotta lotta money why waste it on personal possessions for yourself ! Isn’t that right Adam?”
“It surly is Ben... It surly is.”
Adam and Ben walked up out of the basement.
“So you stopped me falling in love and getting trapped in an empty universe and the you almost dying in a fire and also the person I loved died?” asked Adam.
“Yep that’s what happened.” said Ben.
“What was she like then? Did I really like her what was her name? Was it Laura or something?”
“Hay stop asking questions all you need to know was I saved you’re life and also hers actually!”
“Just tell me her name and I’ll stop asking.”
“Her name was Elizabeth... Now anyway we’d better get a move on or we’ll be late for the Church fate tonight.”
“Oh yeah we don’t wanna miss that!”
Adam and Ben started walking faster so as to not be late but as soon as they opened the door they were shocked to see the evil professor waiting for them on the other side.
“Mwhahahahaaaa...If it isn’t Lord Welmington and Lord Costington! Now I can finally have me revenge on these two gay interfering billionaires!”
“We’re not gay!” Said Adam taking a step away from Ben. Ben said nothing.
“I do not care what your sexuality is! This is my revenge!!!”
The professor puller out two machine guns and started simultaneously shooting Adam and Ben. He laughed then ran away.
The butler walked into the room.
“Higgins,” said Adam in terrible pain. “as you have always been a faithful servant and friend I leave my entire fortunes to you.”
“Oh thank you sir I shall have a statue built in your honour!” said Higgins. Adam then died...
Ben Costington was happily looking up at his giant laser that had just been finished being built and was now towering over the town of Corsham.
“It’s a shame Adam’s not here to see this he would have loved to see lots of lives needlessly wasted... but then again that dumb a** shouldn't have got himself trapped in that empty universe! F****** moron!” he climbed up to the control pit of his new giant laser.
“Oh look there’s a nun!” said Ben while firing his laser at her “ and there’s a blind man maybe he needs LASER eye treatment hahaha. There's a puppy I could with a hot dog haaaa haaa haaa, Oh and there’s an orphanage I’ll just plain shoot that!” Ben carried on destroying the town and shooting people for about half an hour then he got tired and climbed out.
“That was fun!” Ben said to himself. Then suddenly the evil professor jumped out in front of him.
“Aha there you are Ben Costington! Now I will have my revenge on you!” said the professor as he pulled out a gun.
“Oh god it’s you... You f****** annoy me you know that you b******! That’s why I bought this gun that’s the most powerful thing in the world and one shot can tare through the universe itself!”
Ben fired the gun turning the professor into dust. But after it went through the professor the beam of energy from the gun kept going...
They arrived at the professor’s lab Ben stayed in the car (tied up). The professor ran into his lab and came back with a strange looking devise. Got back into the car and drove to the burned down mansion were Adam once lived.
He activated the devise and re opened the hole in the Omniverse. Adam fell out as if he had been leaning on the bit that opened up,
“YIPEEE I’M FREE!” shouted Adam and started doing a victory dance.
“I wouldn't celebrate if I were you. My master plan to destroy you is coming up and it cannot fail!” Said the Professor. Then he started insanely laughing and drove off.
“What did he say?” asked Ben to Adam.
“I dunno something about being gay.”
Then suddenly a beam of energy tore a hole through the universe and right through into the other one.￼
“Huh? Whatsat?” asked Ben.
“I dunno.” said Adam
Then suddenly the evil Ben jumped through.
“Who are you two b*******?” asked the evil Ben.
“Well I have a feeling your another version of me,” said Ben “Because we are identical.”
“Well I’ve always wanted to beat the c*** out of myself without looking stupid!”
The evil Ben went over to the normal Ben and punched him in the mouth. But as soon as he did a small black hole appeared over his head and sucked him in.
“I always knew I was strong!” said Ben almost in tears from being punched in the mouth.
“No I think that happened cus he touched himself or something let’s take a look in that other hole.” said Adam.
They jumped through to see themselves dead on the floor with blood everywhere and the butler stood there in shock
“What happened butler?” asked Ben.
“Well sirs the evil professor came and killed you both! And mite I also ask who you are?”
“Oh no Adam,” said Ben ignoring the butler “If this is what happened to this version of us what could happen to us in the real world!?”
"its great being rich we can do whatever we want because we can afford it!" said Adam "do it in the posh voice Adam" said Ben "naaaah" said Adam "fine!" said Ben.
ROBOTIC VOICE: so guys what did you think of the story explaning your adventure through universes?"
"well stephon, that didn't explain anything it was boring, rite ben?"
"yes Adam, Thats rubbish and confusing, lets truely explain every thing mr Hawking"
After Adam and his incident with the proffesser he diceded he liked being trapped in another universe, because it was more peaceful. So he opend up a worm hole with a machine and was sucked in aswell as the machine. I was sleeping at the time and heard the noise and awoke to find a note on my front door from Adam saying what he was doing. i was to late to stop him, so i built another machine. 45 years later after going out to get an on button my machine was ready i simply opend up every universe there is, sucked them all up together and spat them back out again. the date was the date of the auction (and when Adam first time went into a different universe) so i set things rite by not letting him go. instead we paid you stephon hawking to write a story about us but it sucks goodbye.
stephon hawking said in a robotic voice "oh, ok by, spoilt rich Basterds" he drove his electric wheelchair out of ben's mansion with his crappy book.
"say ben you know you said about putting all universes together and spitting them out?"
"yes? go on Adam"
"well if i'm here, could there be weird alien creatures from different universes here aswell. because then we would have to fight them and save our universe"
"i hope not, because i'm having a Indian tonight"
“MMM this food is really nice! It’s a good thing you decided to have Indian tonight Ben!” said Adam.
“Yep and what’s even better is after all the continuity errors and c*** with other universes everything is back to normal and everything has been resolved completely!” said Ben.
“Well... not everything.”
“Huh? What are you on about?”
“Well our enemy the professor is still alive and is still planning his revenge!”
“Aww don’t worry,” said Ben in a voice he did to sound tuff. “he probably won’t do a single thing! In fact I bet you all he did we ran home crying and then hung himself!”
“You’re probably right...”
Ben and Adam continued eating there Indian dinner. In silence. With nothing happening..............................
The suddenly a flying screen about the size of a flat screen computer monitor smashed through a window and hover slightly over the table.
Adam and Ben looked in confusion, then a familiar face appeared on the screen. The professor.
“Ha ha! I bet you millionaires where wondering when and what my evil plan would be! Well now I shall tell you! As I’m sure your aware global warming is slowly melting the ice caps and causing flooding. Well what my plan is, is to speed up the process with a giant laser already at the north pole and in forty-eight hours it will fire a beam that will entirely melt the north pole and flood England along with it!” said the image of the professor.
“But you will kill yourself along with it!” said Ben.
“I care not! For I will be pleased to have taken you two down to hell with me!” replied the professor. The screen then left through the hole from once it came.
“Oh no we had better get to the North Pole and stop him!” said Adam.
“Yeah!” said Ben. “But let me finish my popadoms first.”
“But everyone's lives are in danger!”
Ben looked at him blankly. “We have a WWHHOOLLEE forty-eight hours. You could watch the Lord Of The Rings trilogy twice in that time!”
“But...” Ben raised his eyebrows at Adam. “Fine! But if we fail the whole worlds death will be the responsibility of Ben Costington!”
“I’ll be dead so It won’t matter.”
12 hours later.
“AHH!” yawned Ben, ”I guess I’d better get dressed and go over to Adam’s so we can save the world!” He jumped out of Bed and walked into his bathroom were he had a quick shower and then came out got dressed in his favourite tuxedo (Well it was his favourite one but like Adam he wore one everyday. They did this simply to show off how rich they were.) and to top it all off he put on his top hat.
He slowly strolled across the lawn to Adam’s mansion.
He knocked on the door.
“Oh finally! Get into your flying golden limo and follow me!” said Adam as he opened the door.
“OK?” said Ben puzzled.
Adam got into his limo and started flying. Ben got in his and followed.
As he flew through the air in his limo Adam went over all the busy streets and old roman buildings of Bath, then the buildings got lesser and lesser until he was just flying over fields. The cows looked like little white and black dots. Then he came to a cliff and he was now flying over the sea. It was clear and blue was the waves at a very gentle level. Occasionally he would pass a ferry or some kind of boat but mostly the sea was empty and calm.
A disturbing thought crossed his mind. He though that if he’s not fast enough the hole planet would soon be like this.
He soon flying over to the North Pole were he saw a flare go into the air he saw it and flew towards it.
He and Ben landed neat where the flare had come up from. They stepped out of there limos.
“Brr it’s freezing here!” moaned Ben. “Oh look there the professor!”
“Oh yeah!” said Adam running over to him.
“Where’s this laser then!?” said Adam.
“Well...” the professor could not finish his sentence as the screen which the professor had been on earlier flew down and whacked him over the head and he fell unconscious into the sea. The screen turned around to reveal the professor on it.
Ben and Adam were very confused by all this.
“Mwhahahahaaaa! You’ve fallen for my trap! That was merely a robot copy of myself! My real revenge is happening all the way on the other side of the world, and no I'm not melting anything. I’m not gonna tell you it’ll be a surprise!” As the screen flew away Ben and Adam could here the manic laughter of the professor.
Ben and Adam ran for there limos.
The sky suddenly seemed dark. Storm clouds appeared and rain fell with the rumble of thunder in the distance and occasional flashes of lightening.
Ben and Adam flew there limbos frantically over the rough seas to get to the South Pole. It was hard to see even with the windshield wipers or full power.
Adam now was behind Ben unlike before but he could now see the South Pole was close. But then his limo was hit by a bolt of lightening and a small explosion came from the engine followed by a trail of smoke.
Adam frantically tried to get control over his limo but he couldn’t. It spiralled out of control and down into the rough seas bellow.
Strangely the car sunk quite slowly and before the limo sank Adam quickly clambered through the door. However weather or not it was safer outside of the car is debatable.
The huge waves threw him around in the icy cold sea like a dog with a ball. He started swimming then he huge wave pushed him under. He swam upward to be hit by another wave (this one knocking off his top hat). He must have fought those waves for at least half an hour. But then finally one of the waves threw him up into the air and he landed on an edge of The South Pole.
When Ben had landed he thought that Adam must have fallen behind so he didn’t bother to wait for him. The first thing he saw in The South Pole was a massive fortress that was easily over one hundred foot high.. He looked around for a way in and he noticed some kind of ropey plant and the side of a wall which he skilfully climbed up and into a window. Once inside he realised it was some kind of bedroom, he went through this darkened bedroom. A royal looking room is what he came into and he saw at the bottom of a set of stairs a big hole of strange bluish electrical current. He came down to see what it was. The door opened and the professor walked in. Ben hid. The professor leaned over it to look in. Ben snuck out to push him in and was right behind him and...
Adam looked around and couldn’t see a thing. H e felt a vibration coming from his pocket. Strangely after being completely soaked his phone was still working. He had a text message.
“Free unlimited calls for O2 for only thirty pounds a months txt unl to 082237 to receive more details.”
“What a load of rubbish!” said Adam to himself, “Oh wait that gives me an idea! I can ring Ben and ask him to come find me!” Adam went into his phone’s phone book and pressed Ben.
The professor leaned over it to look in. Ben snuck out to push him in and was right behind him and...
“Dillilliling. Ringringringringring bananaphone! Bop bop be dop e dop!” Ben’s phone started ringing with “Bananaphone” as his ring tone. The professor turned around quickly and punched Ben in the face knocking him out. The professor answered the phone.
“Hello?” said the professor.
“Yeah why’d you leave me I fell in the sea! Anyway come in you golden flying limo and get me! We could go home and get our pet dinosaurs to stop that stupid professor!”
“Well Lord Welmington... Ben’s not here and your dinosaurs are dead. I killed them myself!”
“What you killed Princess! How dare you! Who are you? and what have you done with Ben?”
“Why? haven't you figured it out? It’s me “the stupid professor”. As for your friend Ben why he’s on the floor right now.”
“Oh OK put him on.”
“No I shall not and besides he’s unconscious right now! Well goodbye Lord Welmington I shall wait for you in my fortress before I start my plan!” He hung up.
“Fortress?” thought Adam. then he looked around and saw the giant castle of the professor’s. He cautiously walked in.
Surprisingly for Adam there were no hidden traps or anything to stop him as he walked through the castle. He got to the room with the bluish hole.
“Ah! Glad you’ve finally arrived. Now you’re probably wondering what my plan is aren't you?” said the professor.
“Yes! What is it?” demanded Adam. Ben was just waking up.
“Well... There is no plan I bet I fooled you!”
“Really cool,” said Ben half asleep “that’s great!”
“Yep How could I stay mad at you two lovely fellows!?”
“I guess he’s right Ben,” Said Adam. “I guess we'd better get going then!”
Adam and Ben started walking off and they lived happ...
“Not so fast! You really thing there no plan?”
“Yeah like you said how could you stay mad at us?” said Ben.
“You fools! This is my REAL plan!” He pulled a rare looking stone out of his pocket “You see this? Well there's an ancient legend that if I throw this in there I will have the power to destroy the entire universe!”
Ben and Adam’s jaws dropped as he casually chucked it into the hole...
“Nothings happening! It’s just a crazy story!” screamed Adam in delight but then the floor started rumbling.
A monster maybe twenty feet high climbed out of the hole. It had massive horns and teeth so plentiful they were like blades of grass. It roared a deafening roar. Ben pushed the professor into the hole he screamed and was vaporized by the bluish substance.
The monster touched the wall and it along with the entire castle vanished.
For a second time Ben and Adam ran for there limos.
They flew as fast as they could in them. Ben looked Back to see the entire South Pole vanish and the creature flying fast after them.
Ben and Adam arrived back at their mansions.
“This is terrible!” said Ben.
“Yes... However for me and you this is not the end.”
“I’ve had this thing built into our mansions encase anything like this actually happened.” said Adam darkly.
“What you mean you can stop the monster and make everything better?” said Ben excitedly.
“No only we will be saved. Step into your mansion and see.”
Ben walked into his mansion and Adam walked into his. With a tear in his eye Adam pressed a button in his mansion.
The doors were sealed shut and rockets came out of the sides of the mansions and they slowly started the fly away.
Ben looked out of his window and saw the monster arrive. It it killed hundreds of people with just one touch. He watched as all the people were killed then the building started disappearing. They were now leaving the Earth’s atmosphere and they saw whole countries and continents disappearing. They were now far away from the Earth and they saw the planet itself disappear. They looked in shock as then the beast grew to a massive size and destroy the other planets and then finally the Sun.
1 Year later.
Classical music could be heard playing as the mansions slowly drifted through space. Luckily for Adam and Ben they had a large supply of food inside there mansions.
On one day Adam woke up and looked out the window at the emptiness of space. But then his heart thundered as he saw the monster coming towards the mansions. With his mouth wide open in terror the monster drew back it’s arm and was about to destroy the mansions!
With it’s arm back it suddenly seemed to shrink away out of existence and into nothingness. The once black colour of space was now turning into a dark blue colour. Confused Adam look out of the other window to see the mansions falling towards what looked like England on Earth.
Adam and Ben had been sucked through a worm hole and into a parallel universe.
It was the middle of the night and snow was gently falling upon a big open field in the pitch black. Suddenly two mansions skidded across the field for about twenty meters then stopped and collapsed.
It was early morning around eight o’clock and Adam and Ben woke up in the rubble that was once there mighty mansions.
“Were alive Ben! And were back on Earth!” screamed Adam in joy.
“Hurray!” shouted Ben.
“We had better find some civilisation.” said Adam.
In the early morning Adam and Ben walked across the snowy field for about ten minuets until they came to a small village.
They walked into the middle of the village were a massive Christmas Tree stood. Ben looked into a window of a cottage and saw some children running into the living room and opening presents.
“It’s Christmas morning.” siad Adam quietly.
Adam and Ben sat on the snowy floor in their torn ruined clothes looked up at the tree and (even though they had lost everything) they looked up at the tree and smiled.
Santa Claus enters the apartment with a bag full of presents and toys.
"Blimey" said Adam with a warm smile. "I think you're blinkin' right, Ben. Santa Claus is here, after all."
"That's because I am blinkin' right, Adam. I want you to have a look at this." said Ben as he opens the briefcase. They scream to the top of their lungs with glee. "WE'RE BLINKIN'RICH!"
Written by Adam Randall and Ben Wood