One day I went to the park. Whilst travelling to the park, I noticed an abnormally large silhouette protruding from behind a tree. I jumped back in surprise, then realised it was just a small dog. And suddenly the dog disappeard into nowhere, was it magic or something else? I was about to leave when I heard a rumbling sound. I looked at top of the tree and there it was again that dog! It slowly became louder and louder. I was afraid that rumbling sound, but i figured it out,i was hungry and when i looked that three again dog was gone!
suddenly there was an explosion. The bang was so loud. The noise came from behind a nearby shack. I went there and wanted to see what happend.I saw a smouldering car with an old man lying unconcious nearby, as well as that damn dog. I knew that i have to save that man, but i couldn't stop thinking about that dog. But then, the man stood up, looked at me, and ran off. I wonderd, why did he ran away? then there was another explosion! Wheuuh, it was just the gastank.
Then he saw the nuclar bomb that was in the boot. noone ever heard of a "nuclar" bomb, but it sure sounds interesting, so I decided to investigate. Then I realized that nuclear bombs dont fit in boots, so I went to the tree with a rope intending to hang myself. but something stopped me from doing just that. One might call it sanity, but it was actually a forestfire burning down the tree.
So I pulled out a razor blade and proceeded to cut my wrist. Seeing the blood come out felt good. But there were paramedics near by who saw me and patched me up and took in hospital, next when i woke up i didint remember any thing. After i got healed i went to a bar and got very ... very ... drunk. And i saw a beutiful woman, I went up to her and said .... "how you doing?!!". WHile i said that, I couldnt help but to stare at her ......as she hit me over the head with a bottle.
Meanwhile i saw other Mark Currie with his intellectual nerd friends. still hurt from the bottle, i staggered over and told him what a great game he had made. He thanked me and offered me a drive home on his pimpmobile. I kindly declined and smoked some weed before i went out of the bar. On my way home i saw a mindblaster. ANd i thought to myself "man that was quality weed". But to my horror, the mindblaster shot me and missed. THe blast hit a car and exploded. the blast shook the air, and i dived for cover. Yet it was little to late for the blast from a supergun had reached me and my flesh was retched from my bones. No one knew I was there when firing to kill the mindblaster.
After 3 months of my stupididy i decided not roll on glass or do other stupid stuff.while walking to police station I think im going to be cop, but i have to talk with cheaf first. I approached the chief. "Son your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" He said. I replied: "Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating donuts?" The chief then pulled out his gun and pistol whipped me on the jaw. I quickly retaliated by screaming like a little girl and running straight for the exit. Pity the door wasn't open.
I woke up 3 hours later in a jail cell. My pants were mysteriously unzipped and my ass hurt alot. I looked around to find a huge guy who kissed the air at me. I knew I had to escape... but how? I tied a sheet into a knot at both ends and tied it to the lamp. I tied the other end to my neck. Suddenly, 50 peacekeepers stormed the building. I knew I really was insane by then and asked "Tiny" to pull the chair out from under me.
Then I realized how they never searched me and I still had a few nades. So I turned over the bed (while Tiny watch in amazment) and I ducked down behind it and threw one nade after cookin git a bit. It hit the wall let let out a large *BANG* and it blew a big whole in Tiny's hand. I then Ducked down again and threw a second and this time I was free. But I said "What the hell." and popped the pin on a grenade and shoved it down my pants. It was a dud, but it felt good, and i wondered why i never tried that before.
I casually strolled through the now defunct wall and waved to all the funny prison guards who were trying to make sense of what just happened while keeping the peace. Then Mark Currie pulled up in his pimpmobile, which now had a gattling gun added to the roof, and offered me a ride. This time i said yes, and dived in as a kark bombed the area. But Mark had 8 Nitro upgrades, so we quickly outran it. But we came up apon a huge line of tanks, with 12 turret rot, and rng. But the tanks owed Mark money, and they knew better not to mess with him.
Mark had some mutant allies, so we teleported to the top of a nearby mesa. The mesa was a former minefield and currently goverment artillery test range. Also, the Mutants realized that Humans are infact thier enemies and they teleported a huge force outside of the mesa surrounding it. At that same time, a supergun shell was 5 seconds away from impacting that particular mesa. I asked Mark "Why the F**K did you add the cooldown period??????".
Just after they fell down a sloped tube that leads to an old silo. The silo had a supergun in it, which we fired at the mutants, missing them and hitting the tanks which owed Mark money. "Damnit" said Mark. We drove to a garage. Little did they know that the garage was rigged to explode with the force of a supergun if they got near it.
The force of the explosion blew the car into the air, and it landed in the park. Mark was killed in the impact, but I managed to crawl out mostly unharmed. Upon closer inspection I crawled out onto a pile of rusty bayonettes. I then realized I was just halucinating, the bayonettes were just angry dogs. With rabies. But then I remembered "This is supposed to be PG". The angry, rabid dogs instantly transformed into friendly, cute little kittens. Mark became alive again. And the fourth wall shattered.
I picked a kitten up in each arm, walked over to mark and asked, "So, how's it going?". But Mark was pinned under his massive Diamond Studded Pure Gold MC pendant. Since gold weighs so much, and the diamonds were altogether too pointy, I told him I'd be right back with some help.
I imagined how good it would feel to be relentlessly crushed by a gaint slab of gold. I suddenly realized I was in the middle of nowhere and that there was no help to be found. All I had in my possesion was 2 kittens, some lint, a paperclip, a bottle cap, a dead hand grenade, and a razor which I contemplated cutting myself with again. I thought back to the most recent episode of MacGyver and pondered how I could help Mark.
I tried my darndest to teach some rudimentary ninja skillz to the kittens, but to my dismay, they were just not ready to learn. I then decided to throw this useless garbage away and grab the jack out of Marks pimpmobile. Looking at the jack, I realised that it probably would have been good to have payed attention to my dad all those times he tried to teach me basic car repair. Oh well, it's now or never...
I took a nap. I awoke with a start when Mark threw his bling at me after finally managing to escape from it's clutches on his own. Mark proceeded to break my jaw with the jack. He also succeeded in breaking my spirit.
Enter the matrixEdit
After i've played Trash for 4 days and owned at every single game, my spirit was restored. ANd i asked Mark for a game. THe winner woul be named King Of Trash. As the game started, i noticed Mark wasnt concentrating on building units or harvesting trash but typing in the console. In the next few seconds, Mark fired a supergun. I was like " WTF HACK!!!". And Mark said " Ah its good to be a game developer". He then spawned 10000000000 Gun ships and destroyed my base. After the game i went up to him and shot him.
He held up his hand like Neo, and stopped the bullet. "Whoa!". "PG Rating" he said. But then came morpheus and used he's kung-fu kick and we finted, mark and me we both wake up in some kind of underground base, what will we do now ?! Then I got sick of some of the really stupid and hard to understand posts from joosep and I shot him in the face and used his blood to feed the kittens and make them mean.
Then back to reality, Morpheus asks us "will you take the red or purple pill" I took the purple pill and Mark took the red. THen morpheus looked at Mark and said, "you are the one". Then Morpheus stares at me and said "too bad better luck next time". After that, Trinity and Mark were having ....( to fufill what the Oracle said about The one and Trinity ....) THEN OUTTA NO WHERE SAJ COMES IN AND KICKS TRINITY's ASS. "DONT YOU TOUCH MY MAN" Screamed Saj. Me and Mark were watching in AWE. "CAT FIGHT" Yelled Morpheus (ROFL)! When things were gettign xXx .... Brawlers and peacekeepers (Mark's Amy) came and saved him. Saj and Mark lived happily ever after ... the end .... Cept the Matrix lost the one and the Humans all died ...
5 Years LaterEdit
One day came aliens and created underground base. They took human dna and cloned them, but something went wrong and the clones started mutating to ..... Ninja Kittens! When i saw one of them i was so, so ,so HAPPY ! When u went to pet, him he moved like lightning and went to eat cheese, hmuh guess he dosen't like me. Must remember to speak proper english to the kitten next time, I thought.
I think im ganna go say sorry to chief and try to GET A job as a police officer. I tried to job, but I couldn't, because job isn't a verb. I brought donuts to him for a good first impression but accidently dumped my donuts on him, spilled coffee on him, mistaking his wife for a hooker, and burned all his paperwork (dont ask how, Smoking Kills or make u lose jobs). After the first day, I though to myself "Man could this day get any better?" and it did.
And YES, it did get better i accidently run over chief's dog and back over him again. I ran out onto a highway into oncoming traffic. God damit move u grandpa. i said .i were stuck in a traffic and i were pissed so i took a shortcut and got lost in forest. I decided to run back out into oncoming traffic.
After I go off all of those drugs and woke up in the fire house I realized that it was all a bad OD and that I really am still a gat car driver and that I still get to kill those nasty smelly mutants. So I drove into the mutant base by myself. Without my gun. But then i came apon a tank. Climbing into the tank, i found a Mindblaser inside. I gave it a great big wack on the head, and it exploded.