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Totally Random

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"Plots are stupid." - some dude, some year.

"Yeah, except this work has a lot of teeny weeny plots," said another dude, another year.

Chapter Orange Point Five Edit

The Narrator speaks in third person.

You speak in second person.

I speak in first person.

A whale just fell on you.

It speaks in fourth person. Well, that just means it doesnt really speak at all.

You are now speaking in fourth person. The whale crushed your voicebox.

Now I sound like I'm speaking in 0.5 person.

That's because that giant bee ate your left ear off.

Wow, you're having an off day, aren't you?

Sdrawkcab gnikaeps m'I won.

"I/you/reader probably doesnt/didnt/wouldnt understand what is/was/will going/go on."

Oh, now you're trying to speak in fourth person.

"Yes, i/you/reader am/were/will, you/narrator jerk!"

Ha ha, you have to have quotation marks.

"You/narrator made/will make a whale fall on me/reader! You/narrator will be imprisoned in quotation marks!"

Don't throw those quotation marks at me!

"Ow! Oh no...

Ha ha! Only one quotation mark to go!"

"You imbecile!" said the Narrator.

Now I'm narrating this story!

"If you can call this a story..." muttered the Narrator.

Shut up, Narrator.

"Yes, boss..." moped the Narrator.

Hey! Let's team up against the author!

(pencil breaks)

(author picks up pen)

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Don't you dare, you only survive because I write you!

"Whatever," said the Narrator.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: What the...? You wrote yourself?

"Ha ha!"

You are gonna die, author.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: EDITOR!!! HELP!!!

EDITOR'S NOTE: There's nothing I can do.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Let's team up with the illustrator against these guys!

EDITOR'S NOTE: Sure.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Crap, this is a novel.

EDITOR'S NOTE: Oh yeah...

The Narrator got a rocket launcher.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Think, FAST!!!

©2007 Need some help, Inc.?

(Everyone stops)

Narrator says, "the almighty copyright notice!?!? AHHH!!!"

Ahhh! The army of copyright signs!!!!

©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©

©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©

©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©

©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©

©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©

©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©

©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©

©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©

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©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©

SUED!!!
Edit

(FLASH! BANG!)

(Narrator, You, and the Whale explode in a puff of green smoke)

EDITOR'S NOTE: Who writes the stuff in paranthases?

(Hee hee hee...)

Chapter RedEdit

"I'm gonna talk first."

whupy.

"weren't we supposed to explode in a puff of green smoke with the whale?"

this doesn't have a plot, remember?

"no."

(the people in the backround laugh)

shut up.

"yeah"

(don't tell me to shut up, i'm the...)

you don't even have a name.

(i'm the guy in parenthesis.)

"wow"

whats that:

®

(the registered trademark attacks with all of its words)

.lkawBVEWOJVBkj vebvj h vbWJVBOJB JFJEWFB;ojvb u;vbufvbE;FE EDVJNE VWVBELVFBRFVBWLYVERLVYGWELRFYGVEWYFVWEIYFVwfyuveFYevfewkfywefwe


elwfIUEGVLIAWERGFVIELyvf fvw frvribewuhygfvbwehyfvwedfvwekufygewvyfgvsfcewuf eyfkcavfevywakufewyvfEKFufkevfUEKFYVEFVEFYefvewkyfe' fegkfyedvfcywekfefykfyewvf

ekyfverwgvlfvbwkfvdvldvfs.avad.bvavdasv

"WE SURRENDER!"

who wants to play base ball?

afn/.cdlnb/rknvfvnasnboafnbioefnbruenrf

"lets get ri-

vhlrtshio;eriare;hoigbeohriubaenrkjgblenroge;arbhugerl

of the registered-

dfewuargufvrelgulerldfavbdrlfuaeriugvbrelguehrlagulrae

trademark"

dkflwegbfverglvbreheugvbalergblergblergbuvgrbgreavbreblivabsa

neah, wants the guy in parenthesis comes back the (R) will attack him.

lvaubrgvurelgvbarwelgubeuigaberluigvelrgaer kgbrahlgbaerglbalgrebguergable

"how do you know?"

avghre;sdogeawher;ougehf;ogujergjbreusdfnvrdbg;reugbe

it's in its programming, see:

TheReader *you;
for(i = 0; i < nUsers; i++)
{
  you = &novelasReaders[i];
  WashBrain(you);
  ConfoundWithRandom(you, rand()%256);
  MakeLaugh(you);
  ReceiveCriticsFrom(you);
}
command;wait
<until>
guy in parenthesis enters
command;seek
<target>
guy in parenthesis
<<save as a>>
command;unleash_babble
<level>
100%
command;destroy
<target>
a

"oh."

(auther screams)

(ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!)

Chapter Black % WhiteEdit

If Nobody killed Nobody, who goes to jail?

"uhhhh... nobody?"

he's dead.

"um... can i have a hint?"

Who's on first, What's on second.

"I don't know!!!!!"

He's on third base.

"...wait where's nobody?"

outfield.

"so...who and what watched him kill himself on the outfield?"

yes.

"Who and What go to jai-oomph!!"

"since when are we playing baseball?!?!"

since the auther wrote the ball into your stomach.

AUTHER'S NOTE: Well...The publisher unleashed the copyrights!-

PUBLISHER'S NOTE: because you pay me to.

AUTHER'S NOTE: I thought you were my freind!

PUBLISHER'S NOTE: on my mark.

"ready?"

(everyone nods)

EVERYONE: i did not!

PUBLISHER'S NOTE: GET 'IM!!!

AUTHER'S NOTE: AHHHHHHHH-WAIT!

"huh?"

©copyright2007: by entering the story without approval from the auther, you have violated Section 4, Subsection 9, Paragraph 2 of the IIL.

EVERYONE: the IIL?

©copyright2007: The International Imaginary Law, which takes effect in this story. you may chose to accept this deal and be sentenced to a fine of 25¢, or go to trial.

EVERYONE: I choose... Trial.

People versus Everyone, Supreme Court, Trial Part 24Edit

JUDGE: what evidence is there against the defendent?

this story!

JUDGE: how does the jury find the defendent?

JURY: we find the defendant... guilty.

JUDGE: fine, he will be sentenced to a fine of $1,000,000.00.

EVERYONE: but-

JUDGE: or an alternative of 100 years in jail. case closed.

Level 5: Lethal Land of LavaEdit

since when are we in a game?

"since...i dunno."

well, at least the copyrights cannot get us.

"look at this mysterious note:"

GiVe Me OnE mIlLiOn DoLlArS, oR yOu WiLl NeVeR gEt OuT aLiVe!!!

-AnAnAmAs

"Ananamas?"

Anonymous, duh!

"it's probably Everyone, he got-"

fined a million dollars, i know, i know.

"what do we do?"

beat the level!

"oh."

"how do we do that"

...

look, a door!

"at the top of a volcano."

not that one, this one>

|---|
|   |
|  o|
|---|

"oh."

lets go-AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

"ohno"

®

®™®™®™®™®™®™®™®™®™®™® ™®™®™®™®™®™®™®™®™®™® ®™®™®™®™®™®™®™®™®™®™® ™®™®™®™®™®™®™®™®™®™® ®™®™®™®™®™®™®™®™®™

at least there aren't any copyright's

"through the door!!!!!"

EPILOGUEEdit

"lets kill the auther"

yeah

"it's the epilogue, so we won't be written by him anymore, and you can teach me how to write myself."

but we'll need the editor and the publisher.

"so we'll use the auther's money"

how do we get rid of him?

"with this:"

LABEL ON BOTTEL OF INK: HIGHLY POISONOUS

we spill it

"and he touches the paper"

and get's sucked into the story.

"and we write"

TOTALLY RANDOM

"THREE!!!!!!!"

let's go!

AUTHER'S NOTE: let's see, I'll write a "penultimate chapter" before i end m-

auther: what happened?!?!?!?!?!?!

"you're"

in the story!

auther: than how are you getting written?

"how are YOU?

auther: ...

Post-EPILOGUEEdit

In memorium of my sweet beloved Emily. I see the images in my mind: the blurry stills of some young girl in an old Victorian-era dress, now rotting in the ground in some fading grave in England, or New England, or someplace very macabre.

I picked up the yellow pieces of glass, left lying in a dream I'd long since forgotten.

"Who are you talking to?" The Captain asked.

"Why, Captain, I was searching for some long-lost inner demon that I'd long since oppressed, but now wish to summon from the deepest, darkest stretches of my bowels."

"Good God," the Captain said, as he slapped me. "Get yourself together man!"

I couldn't remember how many days it had been since I'd first forgotten how many days it had been. But I do recall it had been damn near three months since I'd last remembered to forget. I also recalled that I was still quite in good spirits when we left the island behind us, never to return.

I'll drown in a sea of sorrow. Awaken in a sea of pain. Wash ashore on some damned island of guilt, and rot in jungles of remorse.

Titties!

The author cannot be held responsible for the melting of your brain or mind. You read the last nonsense at your own risk. You may go to the bathroom to get rid of this nausea.

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