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Given Literary GoldStarGoldStarGoldStarGoldStarGoldStarGoldStarGoldStarGoldStar2GoldStar2, Novelty BlueStarBlueStarNoStarNoStarNoStar by YZHSig   

Very well written, with good writing style. However, the work doesn't do well with the questions that it poses. We don't know what exactly is going on, and the plot switches occur too readily. Grammar and mechanics need to be checked as well....


TSD


Hazy blue fog seemed to shift effortlessly over the once sodden land now occupied by Ural. A man silently, yet completely effortlessly, strode through the confusion, bearing in mind the deeds done and those still ahead as he approached the old man. His mind now completely lost from etiquette and sophistication, began to go over the multiple occurrences he and the old man had shared. He may have known little of his history, but there was one thing he was sure of, the man had undergone redemption. It was obvious actually, to anyone once part of the Clan. His face now, at least a few years ago, showed complete understanding and no longer seemed with the world in a matter of speaking. Before. Before was different, in an almost complete and undeserving way. However, that no longer was a concern to him.

The Old Man twitched as a large sword rested on his shoulder, pushing slightly on his inner neck. A quick shift of the eyes gave away whom the swords owner was, and interestingly enough, his intent. The sword bore a simple symbol, near the tip, of the 4th Denote. The Old Man slowly raised his arm and traced the symbol with the tip of his fingers. It was true, he had come. He stood, with the sword still resting on his inner neck, slightly cutting in, and asked, quite simply, “What sentenced you here, Ito,” he said calmly, “health I’m sure.” “Unfortunately not,” Ito said half-heartedly, “although I wish that to be true, there is another reason why I came, one that beckons your attention, and perhaps your presence.” The last word seemed to shake the Old Man from within. He raised the sword from the Old Man’s shoulder as he stood, and then, ripping through his clutch, fell to the ground, dropping from his hands with a thundering sound. “I’ve increased the density of the sword, you wont be able to lift it until I leave the area,” the old man declared harshly as he took two steps forward, and turned, “unless you find a way to persuade me.” he said in mid chuckle. Ito’s face went stone cold, “So he hasn’t lost his touch, even through redemption.” he thought to himself. “Well, have you anything to say?” continued the Old Man, with the same harshness hung around his words. Ito’s eyes slowly glanced up from the sword, lying dashed in the ground were it had fallen. “I suppose I do, seeing as this is the entire reason for my journey.” Ito stated in a rash attitude, “The first concern is the rebirth and upbringing of the 7th Denote.” he continued. The Old Man now seemed cross, looking almost upon disbelief, but on the stance of why Ito was here, he decided to hear him out until he was certain it was a simple misjudgement. “It seems that one of the 7th Denote did survive the purge, unlike previously thought, and has started an uprising in the south, like I said, brining back the 7th Denote.”

The Old Man continued to look in a state of disbelief, but decided to hear him out to the end, and then weighing out the truths of what Ito was saying. “And the second?” he asked, remembering he had stated there were more then one apparent problems that he needed to address. “Secondly, a tribe to the north called the Ipre have began a march south, already conquering the city of Ritorn, and continuing their march towards Term.”

“You’ve verified this?” asked the Old Man questioningly. “I can assure you, I wouldn’t of come to you if things were really this dire, and if I hadn’t been certain of it myself, which I am, as I have seen both with my own eyes.” stated a serious and sincere Ito. “I see…” replied the Old Man, now rethinking his previous doubts, “well, could you join my at my house, or to be more precise,” now chuckling slightly, “my shack, to talk this over.” “Of course” replied a now satisfied and pleased Ito.

Slipping through the crowd, the rouge silently approached her target with ease, as she had expected. However, what came next was certainly beyond what she had anticipated, as three of the cities Home Guards approached her. In her mind, she thought she had done a decent job of disguising herself, but apparently not. Wearing a raggy shawl and an old skirt, with a cotton hood over her head, she had not expected not to be noticed as anything more than a commoner, which was what she was aiming at. Two of the guards interlocked swords in a gate fashion, with the third shifting to behind her, his armour clinking along the way. “The King has asked why you have decided to show your face within these cities of peace.” stated the guard in a strong and bearing voice. “Shouldn’t the king have more concern than a simple commoner minding her business, or does he send his hand over to all?” stated the rouge in a mocking manner, taking one step back, then noticing the guard still hovering behind her. As the guard raised his sword, reacting from her retreat, the rouge dropped to her feet, making it seem as if she was picking something off the ground. Reaching into her boot she removed a dagger concealed on the outer side of her boot, and with precise aim, flung the projectile into the top part of the guards leg, gouging his upper thigh were the armour opened for flexibility. The guard fell to his knees upon impact, but being a member of the prestige’s Home Guard, swung his sword in a arc like fashion, clipping the bottom of her boot and forcing her to turn in preparation of another onslaught. At that same moment the two guards were already upon her, one of the two thrusting his sword near the top of her neck, while the other was swing his sword upwards, gracing the ground slightly. Hands flinging back, the rouge caught the thrusting sword in the center of her palms, then hearing the scraping sound of the sword of the other guard, jumped, landing perfectly on the tip of the upward rising sword. Flipping back and using the momentum of the moving sword, landed atop the guards head, crushing under the sudden impact and weight, sending him face forward into the stone ground of the city. Then, spinning around, the rouge dashed off into the crowd of thousands, leaving behind three confused guards in her wake.

Itos gleam was visible, even through the fog, by the Old Man leading the way to his house. “Arrogant now don’t you think Ito?” thought the Old Man to himself. Opening the door to the shack, the Old Man beckoned Ito in. Stepping into the house, Ito quickly noticed the lack of items among the house, or to be more precise, the lack of any. The “house” was completely desolate, having nothing within it except for the rotting wood that held it together. He quickly took a glance back, perceiving a laugh in the Old Mans face, seeing as he knew what he was thinking. “Don’t worry, this isn’t the only part of my house” said the old man. Ito stepped aside as the Old Man strode forward, bending down and tracing what looked like an alchemic symbol on the dusty floor. Seconds after it seemed to slip into the floor, completely disappearing, and were it stood before was now a staircase heading into a further deeper part of the shack that lay hidden in darkness. Ito stood in shock, trying to figure out what had just happened as the Old Man stood and began descending the stairs. Recoiling from event that had just passed, he quickly stepped forward and joined the Old Man in the descent.

Below was even darker when Ito stepped onto the somewhat sinking floor of the Old Mans house, but the Old Man already seemed to be on top of that, as in the short distance a shadow of him could be made out, with light pouring into the room seconds later from a candle now affixed to the wall. Ito now starting at the newly created candle, walked forward towards a desk at which the old man had already hastily affixed himself to. “Well, would you mind elaborating more on the circumstances you mentioned earlier?” stated the still calm Old Man. Detracting his gaze from the candle, Ito centered his attention back on the Old Man. “Yes, well like I said, there are two problems that the land of Eitna now has concerns with. As explained earlier, the Seventh Denotation has risen again, backed by their old leader-” “Lucos?” questioned the Old Man. “Yes….apparently he did not die in the reformation unlike previously thought, and has now become powerful enough to re-recruit the Seventh Denotation into existence. They have already threatening the North Army to join them, but nothing has been discussed due to the governs of the Fuhrer. Unfortunately that happened nearly 2 months, so I don’t know the current status.” said Ito, somewhat distracted by the staircase and candle that seemed to appear from nothing. “May I ask you how you performed that, well, act I assume?” questioned Ito. “You mean the candle and staircase? Well, lets just put it as I’ve changed since times of Restriction.” simply replied the Old Man. “Oh really, how so?” trying to delve further into the Old Mans unique ability, inquired Ito. “Hmm, persistent, well to put it simple its alchemy, one part anyways.” replied the Old Man. “Ah, alchemy, there are two parts right? Dark and Light correct?” asked Ito. “No, there are many parts of alchemy, including Nature, Emotion, Life, Death, as well as the common Dark and Light. I use Light and Life mainly myself, but almost exclusively Light.” “I see…well, that confirms my reasons of coming here.” Ito whispered to himself. “Confirms what?” stated the Old Man, surprising Ito. “Well, I am looking for group to help bring down the Seventh Denote, and you obviously show you could be of great help, especially your knowledge and your ability. Would you be willing to join me?” replied Ito. “Because the Seventh Denote is personal, I will, but only for that. As soon as we deal with that, I am leaving, no questions asked, understood?” stated the Old Man. “Of course, so shall we?” replied Ito, beckoning up the stairs “I need to stop by Ural to pick up supplies and meet up with another hopeful follower.” The Old Man stood from his chair, pushing it back in and followed Ito up the stairs.

Body flat against the wall, the rouge silently began searching for traps, having already exposed one accidentally. “It seems this relic is known among those of Ural.” whispered Evelyn to herself. Dating back since the great Initiation, it seemed to occur to her before now that this relic would have been completely forgotten about, or at least not booby-trapped as heavily. Steps in the distance confirmed her worst situation thought possible, the relic was completely known about, even in modern times. This new complication added to the chance of the relic no longer being located here, and could of perhaps been moved. Ignoring possible traps embedded in the wall, she pulled out four dagger like knives, all with a glowing green tips. The Treska Daggers. Slipping two into loops on the bottom of her feet, then gripping the other two with her hands she began climbing. Sticking her right foot in the wall first, the dagger slipped into the wall in an instant, up to the glistening part of the knife. As the Treska Daggers only sank in directly up to the end of incantation, and would not sink down, they made perfect climbing instruments. Choosing a shadowed spot on the ceiling, she waited. As the now determined two unknowns approached, she tightened her grip on the dagger, making sure as not to let go of the implanted daggers before the ambush even took place. Moments later the two shadows were spot-able a few meters ahead of her. Just as the two seemed to have passed, she whispered under her breath words undeterminable by the naked ear, releasing all four daggers and sending her plunging down, thrusting the knives deep into the twos heads .

The bodies were of two guards, depicting the signs of the First Denote on there chest, who served under direct command of the Führer. Luckily for her the Kings Home Guard did not seem to be present, hoping to not be seeing those type anytime soon, as they greatly outclassed those of the Führer. Continuing on, Evelyn quickly removed and cleaned the Daggers, pushing the two bodies into an already spotted booby-trap. After crushing the bodies, she continued to make her way through the hallway, expertly avoiding all traps along the way. A few minutes late, sounds of talking halted her trek, luckily they seemed to be of in the distance and not guarding anything, or else they wouldn’t appear to be drunk. Moments later she arrived at the destination she’d been seeking for months now. After fumbling upon its whereabouts in an old scripture that originated from the mainland and somehow found it’s way to a small Kingdom to the east, was beyond her, but it did provide the location of the relic so she decided not to question its history. Leaving the book in safe keeping she had travelled to the north-western part of the Divide and continued to where the book had described. Now she stood before it, or at least the front of it. Before her stood a door, black with inscriptions embedded around it in a five pronged fashion. The symbol was alchemeic, or at least primitive alchemy, using an interlocking guard system so no-one of the ordinary could enter. Of course, she was not of the ordinary. Pulling out two of the Treska daggers, she began her work, remembering at the same time the origins of the daggers.

The Treska daggers were a ancient family heirloom brought from the mainland to her many ancestors at least since the birth of Eitna. Her father had given them to her at the age of sixteen, the day before she would leave. He had presented them in a box. It took her years to find the way to open the box, eventually, after two years of traversing the content honing her skills had she found the answer. Just like the door before her, the box was alchemeic. However, unlike this door, the box was receptive alchemy, meaning it needed a alchemy symbol to open it, instead of being locked by a symbol itself. Three more years were needed to understand and perform basic alchemy, which was a buried skill, lost since the split of the mainland and Eitna. She had managed to learn enough alchemy to open the box, which revealed the four daggers.

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