Everybody except for Maeve was sad. We had a meeting that night and talked about Henry.
"He was a nice kid, very nice. That Grace! That tightarse Dad of his! His crazy boss! Henry Zhao, we will always remember you as the legendary Henry Zhao who spoke Cantonese and English, who set the record for a highest free fall leading to suicide, who after looking anorexic when a teenager, has turned to obesely obese. In loving memory, Henry Zhao. Never forget us and my last words!!" I read.
"He has always been a great person. Never have I met someone with such a tightarse dad, a crazy wife and an even crazier boss. HENRY ZHAO!! Why leave when you could've started a new life with us? Henry Zhao, I will never forget and forgive (for not starting another life with us!!) you!!" Danny proclaimed.
"Well, as you all know, this is tragic. Tragic, tragic. Why I (we) don't know. All we know is it's tragic. Henry Zhao's death was tragic guys. Suicide from level 83 is tragic guys. TRAGIC was the only word that could describe this. Tragic; really tragic; absurdly tragic; God knows why it was tragic; I don't know why it was tragic; Cos it was tragic. The Andank Assassins would like to thank the Andank Assassins in help to make this speech. Tragic! Henry Zhao was tragic, and tragically that was tragic how tragically he died tragically. Tragic!" The assassins cried.
"Henry Zhao was an excellent person, though a bit too fat, but still very lucky to win Grace's heart and unfortunately just lost it. His boss was crazy. We won't mention about his dad. Henry, Henry, Henry, why leave when starting a new life with us was perfect. We could help you meet a new girl, a new boss and have a new family. Why? Why not you say, this is important Henry. You are a critical factor of all our lives. You are the Henry Zhao. Henry Zhao could've been wiped out if you weren't alive. Henry, we'll miss you badly just like we did when Danny left, and maybe lots more. Take your resting time well, wait for us to proceed to your stage and help us get a head start, and we'll see you in the next life." The three people said (Chamy and Maeve – I should call them Chamaeve).
"I didn't know you much Henry, but still, I'm disappointed you have chosen to leave at 22 years of age. Bit early! I managed to find your $5 watch that you sold, and here it is, with a kiss from me, Henry. Love us all, and we love you!!" Carrie sobbed.
19 2 years on, Jay Chou and Tank fightsEdit
So, everything just went on for two years. Carrie actually found a job as a psychiatrist and worked with Amy.
One day, the assassins were really bored after no assignment for a year, and they went out hunting. They brought back a whole cow.
"What the $!%#?" "This is Dinner guys." Danny almost fainted after hearing this.
This year, Eugene, ringleader of the Andank Assassins, on 13th January (Friday), at 13:13.13.13, the phone rang in Eugene's office. In Taiwan, Tank and Jay Chou were fighting over who should be president of the country. Though these two were very famous singers, the government says they aren't needed anymore and have been nothing but absolute nuisance for Taiwan. So, the assassins packed their guns into suitcases, took their passports and assassins' visa and I drove them off to Changhi airport Terminal 15.
"Taiwan Hoverlines to Taipei please board here. All assassins please show Assassins' Visa." "Right assassins, these two guys are CRAZY nowadays, so get rid of them, and Nandank you'll be promoted from Sidekick of Master Assassin for crazy politicians to another Master Assassin for crazy politicians. Good Luck!!"
So, everyday we received their calls from them about the assassination. 20th of January was their scheduled date to each fire a bullet at the two now-politicians. 'BANG' was heard on the phone and Andrew replied, "Mission Accomplished."
"Holy Shit, Andrew. Were the two bullets in sync?!" "HELL YEAH!!"
Well there goes two Taiwanese singers!
20 Random Chino! Bad Chino!Edit
14th February. Valentine's Day. Chino and Amy were safe. Danny and I weren't. Chino suddenly took out a white thingy. I was in the kitchen looking for a watermelon to eat, and he took it out and dangled it in front of me. I thought it was a mouse and I shouted, "Chino you moron put that mouse away!" He walked closer to me, and I used the watermelon as self defence, and I looked closer at it.
"Holy shit Chino! A mouse?? What the $%^& do you have one for?!" "It's my Valentine's present."
I pushed him away and he turned on the TV. "Who is your Valentine today?? Happy Valentine's Day to all people who have one, and for the losers who don’t, you suck!!" "Did you hear that Danny? We gotta get movin'!"
At Lunch, Chino presented Amy with 'The Mouse of life' "Use it wisely!" "Thanks!" "Now, THAT WAS RANDOM. Why would you give your wife a mouse for Valentine's Day?! Random Chino!"
And then, the 'Bad Chino'. I went to bed early at 10, and then woke up at 11. I heard a screeching noise. I thought it was a mouse and I went back to bed. Then, I heard a screaming noise. This time, I stood up and walked outside and looked down. I walked back and all I heard was a girl screaming for her life. It sounded like it came from Chamy's room. I walked to the door, and just as I was about to open it, it stopped.
The next day at breakfast I asked Chino, "What was going on with you last night? I couldn't sleep!" They looked at each other and laughed. "Nothing much. Amy scratched me." "Whatever…Though I don't think she did, I think you two were doing something else." "Don't ruin my appetite Ding!" "Danny, I think Chino was being a bad boy." "What, they drooled on each other or something?" "You idiot!"
21 Mother of twoEdit
Vomiting. Take Amy to hospital. Dr Tan says, "Pregnant." Take her home. Yell at Chino. Wake Danny up. Danny swears. Chino is pissed. Maeve talks.
"Oh my, another one!!" Using the Robochat, Amy's mum placed her hand on her stomache. From 3000km away.
"We'll call him Luke."
Great! First there's Maeve, now there's whats-his-face. Amy called Charlie (her older brother). Apparently, he is still going out with his girlfriend from 12 years ago. =.= Danny and I just are not prepared for this. I can't be bothered. He is a very secretive person. I surfed the net, and looked up how to be a good godfather. It came up with a site www.wtf.org – World Taekwondo Federation. Redirected. Eugene made the site to promote his Hyuuga Neji Techniques…
I revved my Audi, and I drove to IMM Hyperdome with Danny. There, I bought some food, drinks, a Wii3G Controller, 5 tanks of N2O, and a Warioware Rough Moves disc. Costed me: $40 for food, $130 for controller, $1000 for N2O, $250 for disc. What!? N2O used to be 3 dollars cheaper per bottle.
22 Danny finds her, I am the odd one outEdit
Danny was at work when coincidently his new secretary was a Korean girl. He blushed when he saw her, and that's when things started to happen. Lee Ching Yon was the girl's name. I was off work that day, and I was fixing his surveillance camera. I can't believe he asked her out.
"HOLY CRAP SHE IS THE ONE!!" He screamed in my ears. I wanted to see if this was going to work out. Lol! March 18th was the day. He left at 7pm. God, they went to a restaurant that charged them $110 each for a 5 course dinner plus table rental, chair rental, toilet rental, use of facillities, waiter service, etc.. Even worse, $100 was my money. This was worth much more to Danny though.
He came home with a smile that we haven't seen since he was with us at high school and meeting him at the airport back in 2012. 5 years since (for your information this is the year 2017, and Danny, Me, Amy, Chino, Maeve, Luke, Carrie, Andrew and Nandank live at our (my) 3 bedroom apartment. We haven't used the kitchen toilet for 2 years because the assassins are occupying it).
Danny cried, "I'm getting married guys in 2 weeks time!" I celebrated with him, but I frowned myself. "Whats the problem dude?" "Oh, nothing it's just you are already ahead of me in life." "Who cares. Sooner or later you will. How bout I bet you $200 ($100 for the dinner is in it) you will get one this year. Actually, this financial year." "OK, whatever."
23 Danny moves onEdit
I drove the limousine. I could hear Danny and his bride (we gave her a name) Jenna were laughing and talking in Korean behind. I turned around and said, "This probably is gonna be my last time being a chauffeur. You two just have fun, alright. When it's my turn in the back, Danny you drive." "Yup, you gotta deal, now just drive on."
Like the last wedding, Reverend Andrew 'Master Assassin for crazy politicians' Ha was there to do the thing, and Half-reverend Nandank 'Master Assassin 2 for crazy politicians' Sundaram sat at front row. (Funny though, a couple of days later they had another sidekick. Athreya 'Apprentice Assassin for crazy politicians' Buddhavarapu – I spelt that correctly.)
Back to the wedding, I was pretty lucky to receive a South Korea driving licence. The Wedding was at Cha Ji restaurant in Incheon. I was VVVIP and Danny asked me to pour the wine and let it cascade down. 758 glasses (actually they wanted a bit of variation so they used disposable plastic tumblers)!! 20 bottles of wine I used.
In English, Danny's dad made a speech of good luck to his son and soon-to-be-in-3-minutes-and-2-seconds-daughter-in-law.
"I hereby pronounce you two lucky bastards husband and wife, Danny Huh and Jenna Lee." There was the round of applause and the kiss.
24 Home aloneEdit
I think I forgot to mention that Chamaeve went back to Brisbane a few weeks ago, so they didn't know about Danny's marriage. Now that Danny left for a Honeymoon in Japan and Mongolia, I was home alone (even the assassins left for the legendary assassination of Michael Jackson). Even worse, for 2 weeks. Worst of all, when Danny comes back, I couldn't spend the entire time with Danny, he and his wife were there. Why am I so blessed, not!
I called Chino and told him about the wedding. He laughed and thought I was being sarcastic, but then I showed him the pictures taken (for those hippies that don't know what I am talking about, it's called a webcam phone) and he became more serious. He said that Amy wasn't there and then he shouted, "Why couldn't I meet her earlier. SHE IS WAY WAY HOTTER THAN AMY!" I didn't think so. One, I have seen her without makeup and digital effects and two, I just am not *satisfied* with her or, you could rephrase that as *she didn't meet the criteria*. I still want to meet *** **.
For the week I feasted on a constant diet of instant noodles. I was at dinner once and watched the news, and suddenly the reporter reported, "Ladies, please steer clear of this man, Danny Huh. He is a known predator around the globe. Be careful!" I started to think crazy thoughts. Danny? One of my best friends? Predator?? What?! Suddenly I looked up, and I saw across the block, Danny and another woman, in her late 20's (about). WTF?! My heart started to pound harder and harder. I was sweating heavily. "Message…Message…Message" My instinct reacted and told me to smash my right hand at an angle of elevation of 10 degrees, 1º22´ latitude, 123º49´20" longtitude. "What a dream!"
"I remembered today was the day I had to pick Danny up from Changhi Airport. "Which Terminal is it?" "I think it's terminal 9" "What is wrong with the government dammit, 10 terminals in one airport, and an island specially built to put the airport on."
3 days later, Chamaeve returned.
25 The great neighbourEdit
Our neighbour, a retired old lady one day many years ago approached us and told us that we were the nicest teenagers she ever met, and so she left a will for us to have her house when she passes away.
Today, she did. We all went to her funeral. I originally received the will but I gave it to Chamave as they needed somewhere to stay by themselves. Carrie moved next door with them as she was Maeve's godmother. So, Danny, Jenna and I stayed in my part of the level alongside the assassins who slept peacefully in the toilet. They say the point of it is training. Rad training dudes!
Also, Athreya took the hovercraft all the way from Calcutta where he was at assassin training to our toilet window and landed on top of his masters when they were sleeping. I heard them scream and swear in the night and I got up, alongside Danny and Jenna. We rushed to the kitchen. "Buddhavarapu!!!! You finally came!!!! And at 3 in the morning!!!! >.> There we have it, the Blasian Assassins now they were called. They ruled the world of assassination including Jay Chou, Tank, Kim Jong Il, John Howard II, Mel Gibson Junior, Arnold Schwarzenegger III, Kim Sang Il, Maktahkhe Rhunohaki, Nelson Womandela, Mahatma Af Ghani, Sermonna Leet and the one and only, George W. Bush
"We dedicate all our successful assassinations to the notorious, villainous, victorious Blasian Assassins!!" "RAD AS!!"
26 The BandEdit
I was editing the lyrics of a song I wrote 10 years ago. Singing along as I read it, "…Bloodshed tears don't leave my heart…never ever…" Andrew looked over my shoulders and said, "You know, we could make a band, us. You could be like piano player, Danny, Nandank, Amy and Athreya could make a background violin quartet, Chino and I could be the drummers, Carrie and Jenna can be singers and Maeve can be the manager. Perfect!" "Thanks, but I'm just writing this for fun." "Actually, I'm serious. This could be our debut single. It might reach Zinc (2017 version of 5 levels better than Platinum). I just thought of a name. Indian-Asian Revolution. That's temporary but it should work out."
Andrew bought some speakers and high-tech recording devices. Also, he used MY money and bought $19000 worth of musical equipment. $2500 each for the drumkits, the violins the four used their own, $13000 on a grand piano, and $1000 for some other stuff. AND, HE RENTED A £$%^&* APARTMENT just so we can practice on weekend. ALL WITH MY MONEY!!! $20000 wasted because I wrote a song.
"Horny Guitar!" "Hell no Danny, not the sexual descriptions again…" "Shut up! It looks so sexy…just as sexy as Jenna!"
Surprisingly enough, I did write a piano, violins 1, 2, 3 and 4 parts, and two drum kit sections for my song 'Bloodshed tears don't leave my heart'. Even more, we had our first rehearsal together. The violins did a sad background, the drums had a constant roll and I did all the hardwork on the piano. Though, Nandank played an electric violin that made an electric guitar sound. Carrie and Jenna helped with the drums as the the singing had to be done by a male voice (It doesn't sound good with a female). Andrew sang. He had no emotion. Danny did. A little more. I had to sing. Carrie and Jenna in the end sang the backing chords.
"OH MY GOSH!! It was released!!" "Yup. It reached titanium on the charts." "How many copies of it has been sold?" "About 1.5 million" "Is that much" "Yes when you consider no one buys it. There's been about 92 million downloads worldwide." "Whoa!" "And, Nandank, you're electric violin/electric guitar solo needs a separate recording cos PEOPLE LOVE IT!!" "Nice!" "I assassinated the vice president of SONY BMG so we could release the album. Not the Singapore one. The BIG ONE. The Worldwide one." "YOU DICKHEAD!!"
27 Finishing off the album that reached ZincEdit
I worked hard writing the songs and now was the year 2018 (1 year since we released Bloodshed tears don't leave my heart). This was the album:
Bloodshed tears and life
- Bloodshed tears don't leave my heart
- Cry Baby
- THE Indian-Asian Revolution
- Empty Heart
- Sweat, blood and curry
- Indian Powers
- Asian Pride
- The Assassin Song
- Cha Ji
- Bloodshed tears do enter my heart
When I finished writing all the songs and the lyrics, Amy gave birth. Luke Woods was the new boy. Thus, we had to wait another 2 years til we could record the music. This gave me a chance to edit some lyrics.
In the hospital, the same procedure went on…
Now, we started recording. It was 2020, Maeve was 5 and went to school and Luke was 2 year olds. When we recorded, Luke was put to sleep.
Then, 2 months later, we received news that our album had reached Zinc (3rd highest level of music chart). Also, Danny and Jenna were expecting a child in 5 months. Even more, Indian Powers was top-downloading single of the year (we read 50 million downloads in India); second place was Jaywalking and fifth was The Assassin song.
In August that year I started writing another album 'Flavours'
- Roast Beef
- Fish 'n' Chips
- Barbie (Barbeque)
Previously Unreleased: S**T C*NS*RED
We did not put any rude language in our songs, but the title of the last song was it.
28 Danny passesEdit
He came home looking at him, his new boy that would be his son for the rest of his life. Danny came home looking at Elliot, Danny's new boy that would be Danny's son for the rest of Dann's life. Elliot Huh came out on the 20th September, 2020. He was the new addition to our house. Now, I was really behind. Danny already lost the bet.
Flavours reached Iron, which was not as good as Bloodshed tears and life. I think it was really great at the start when everyone likes it. But the songs loose flavour over time and now it is at Carbon, the second lowest.
My story is getting lamer and I would like to skip straight to 2025, but I'll go on after some comments…
And then, it was Christmas. We (Me, Danny, Elliot, Jenna, Athreya, Nandank, Andrew, Chino, Amy, Maeve and Luke). I came home at 5 pm lifting a 35 kg turkey with the Blasian Assassins. "OH MY GOD IT IS SO HOT!!" "Here we go again! WHAT IS YOU'RE GODDAM PROBLEM?!" "Danny, are you in love with turkeys?!" "Sweetie, you're cheating on me? With a turkey?!" "NO, I just like them a lot" "How about I turkey-slap you?" "Andrew Ha!" "I'd rather get slapped by the turkey, guys." "You're setting a bad example to the kids." Funnily, Maeve came up and kicked Danny in the back with Luke following suit.
29 3 more albumsEdit
"Elemental powers will rock this world!!!"
Song, Element. Another album we released for Christmas. Elemental Christmas
- Nitrous Partridge in a Pear Tree
- Sodium Diturtle Doves
- Carbon Trihens French style
- Zinc Tetracalling Birds
- Silver Pentagolden Rings
- Uranium Hexageese Laying
- Oxide Heptaswans Swimming
- Argon Octamaids Milking
- Platinum Nonaladies Dancing
- Plutonium Decalords Leaping
- Gold Hendecapipers Piping
- Dubnium Dodecadrummers Drumming
- The Twelve Elements of Christmas
Previously unreleased (Bonus): The Twelve Elements of Christmas Azn Remix
"…AND THIS DAY WE HOPE THAT THIS SONG YOU ARE LISTENING TO, DUBNIUM DODECADRUMMERS DRUMMING WILL REACH DIAMOND, SO YOU MUST SUPPORT US AND DOWNLOAD IT FOR THREE DOLLARS OR FREE DEPENDING ON YOUR PROGRAM…"
Athreya, who hasn't spoken since he came here, suddenly said we could make an album that made English versions of all these foreign language songs. And so, Scabbing of Others
- Mummy (木乃伊 by Lin Jun Jie)
- Have a Nagila (Hava Nagila by Unknown Artist)
- Get a Life (Hartima Goka Norsa by Sandtjima Randhi)
- A Beautiful Legend (美丽的神话 by Sun Nan)
- My house is gonna kill me (Tödlich Hause by Reiner Stadt)
- Float Away (漂移 by Jay Chou)
- Don't wanna grow up (不想长大 by S.H.E)
- Bloody Turks (Кровопролитно Турки by Dmitri Steinov)
- We are the champions Italian/English Remix (Siamo i campioni by Alex Rina)
- World War II – The German Dickheads (Monde Guerre deux – la Allemand idiots by Jean-Rene Baptiste Deucaux)
- Inprobability Drive (あり運転する by Ayumi Hamasaki)
- Scab (Costra by Juan Carnosa Grados)
After, Nandank suggested we rip off Green Day's American Idiot Album (so we called it azn idiot) Azn Idiot
- Azn Idiot
- Buddha(Buddhavarapu) of Suburbia
- Buddha of Suburbia
- Town of the Goddamned
- I Don't Mind
- Dearly Hated
- Tales of a perfect house
- Alleyway of Broken Dreams
- Are We the Waiters
- St. Asian
- Give Me Rice
- He's a Rebel
- Ordinary Azn
- Put me to sleep when March starts
- The Death of St. Asian
- West 8th Avenue
- Everybody loves you
- Baroque Boyfriend
- We're Leaving Home Again
30 Back in 5 yearsEdit
We decided to quit the band for the moment, and all of a sudden, we got into computer programming. The Assassins made their own for gaming, I did mine for entertainment, performance and gaming, Danny did his for large memory and entertainment, Chino did his with large memory, entertainment and gaming. Carrie bought a pre-made one that was an AMD Athlon 192+ Antique (Wasn't even made until 2013). No one buys pre-made anymore cos they cost more. Weird? All the robots that made it have used so much electricity just to generate random programs to buid them. Choosing your own meant you saved electricity. You just typed in what you required, and in 10 minutes, a multimedia box arrived at your doorstep.
We bought these computers because they were on sale. Dell was closing down because of lack for workers. You could blame Dick Smith Electronics for this. They offered a $1750 cash back on self-made computers and $1500 on pre-made ones. Calculations were: Asssassins: Intel Pentium VII 6.3 GHz 2TB, 30" LCD Monitor, 3 keyboards, 3 mice, Logitech 13.1 speaker system $3750 – $1750 = $2000 Me: AMD Tepteron 96+ 7.5 GHz 3.5TB, 32" LPD Monitor, Logitech Entergame keyboard and mouse set, 15.1 speaker system $4500 – $1750 = $2750 Danny: Intel Pentium VI 6.2 GHz 1.9TB, 25" LCD Monitor, Logitech Media Xpress keyboard and mouse set, 10.1 speaker system $3500 – $1750 = $1750 Chino: Intel Cevron D 102 4.7 GHz 2TB, 22" LCD Monitor, MIKErosoft Keyboard and mouse, 10.1 speaker system $3000 – $1750 = $1250 Carrie: DELL Closing down Entertainment Special Pack $1200 – $1500 = $300 back
Athreya walked past the Fonez R US shop at Pasir Ris Shop Town. He walked in with me. 20 mins later, we came out with 7 phones: I had a Nokia 9001; He had a Nokia 1235; Andrew a Nokia 7091; Amy a Nokia 6139; Chino a Sony Ericsson P208i; Nandank a Motorola B3x; Carrie got a Nokia 1838i. Specially for me, Athreya bought me a Blackberry Vintage Brick. 3.2kg, 20cm long like the ones in the 1980s, except this one had a colour screen, mp4 player, 1TB memory, 24 Mbps internet, etc.. Funnily, I never touched the phone for 3 years (a prediction).
These were our New Year presents to ourselves. Happy New Year!!