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Fiction Wikia, the place where you can write fiction.

Could have more elaborate characterization details. Too verbose; a burdening overflow of intoxicating vocab. I don't understand it. Can you make it a bit clearer? It's too cliche; come up with something more original. It's a bit too predictable or too slow. Faster, faster! Story seems a bit rushed; spare some time for details! All or several of the above. Practice makes perfect. I didn't find anything worth improving. It must be O.K.