Yay! Now that's what I'm talking about. --Nonimportant 15:37, 14 April 2007 (UTC)
Marin has never seemed to be a bad person before, so that came as quite a surprise... You'll probably want to show the personalities of the characters a bit more in part 1. 01:19, 15 April 2007 (UTC)
Marin is the girl that didn't care about the suffering of the peasants, and is currently using Hoben's revolution to become the queen. But she's really not rotten to the core, and will probably change noticeably, due to Hoben's idealism[EDIT:Oh, and that's because of bad influence; she thinks she really is a daughter of the king. The only person that knows the truth is her nearly dead mother.]
Hoben is an idealist (He wants to overthrow the king, but Gilbert is the one with realist ideas on how to do it), arrogant, extravagant and a really good swordsman (A swashbuckler). He cares about the well being of others, but he cares more about his cause (he wants to get to Lukavia in time to save Drindell).
Gilbert was the only one that I didn't talk about much, psychologically speaking. He is driven more by vengeance than concern with the general population's well being, he holds a grudge at the king, because the king demoted him to a foot soldier (He was a strategist) when he disagreed with his POW policies (But that will be properly addressed when Hobenrûd talks about his motives).
If you have a better idea on how to say this, without saying this directly, you're welcome to write it out. --Nonimportant 01:50, 15 April 2007 (UTC)
Thanks for the clarification! Say, some of this really ought to go on the main page (the category talk page) for this story, that way we and others will know how to describe each character. I think that lineup is good, and already I'm thinking that over the course of the story Marin will become a much better person, Hoben will be a bit more serious (throwing in some death/war scenes should do that), and Gilbert will realize that being demoted wasn't so bad after all (throw in something about how bad the king's army is, morally and competitively). That's how I see it. 02:25, 15 April 2007 (UTC)
Before I continue, an important plot point must be discussed. I haven't decided it yet, but: Should the story follow the "They fall in love" or the "They become friends 4 evah!" subplot? --Nonimportant 17:25, 15 April 2007 (UTC)
I would personally prefer the "they fall in love" plot, but since your story is about breaking stereotypes (right?) then it would definitely be one to avoid (in which case the second one would probably be avoided as well).
At any rate, I suggest you make the characters round, ie. they change over time due to the experiences they encounter during their travels. 17:33, 15 April 2007 (UTC)
Make them fall in love,but put a divorce note at the endUser:Serprex 17:38, 15 April 2007 (UTC)
Well but we don't want to have a sad story either... That is, of course, my personal opinion. I've read too many sad stories at school lately:
- Heart of Darkness
- The Awakening
- The Stranger
- Things Fall Apart
- Mrs. Dalloway
- Turn of the Screw
...I've had it with sad-ending stories.
17:43, 15 April 2007 (UTC)
The idea of the story is focusing in character and character development (i.e. "roundness" is the main idea behind this story in the first place. During the course of the story, the characters change the world around them, and themselves). I personally don't have anything against falling in love, but if so, they won't simply live happily ever after (I was thinking along the lines of Hobenrûd can't adapt at being king and Marin can't resign or there'll be other civil war, so they'll have a love affair or something). --Nonimportant 17:47, 15 April 2007 (UTC)
How's divorce a sad ending?Just says that they didn't exactly fit all to well and moved on.The continued to develop after the story,so had a few smashing years and then decided to gut itUser:Serprex 17:50, 15 April 2007 (UTC)
What about taking the best of both scenarios and having them falling in love, and then breaking up due to Hobenrûd's aforementioned incapability of adaption at being king (I mean, even though he is the leader of his revolutionary movement, he still does grunt work (Like stealing funds), because he believes a leader should sacrifice himself for his people, not the other way around (Hmm...i'll have him saying that). So he wouldn't be able to just stand around ordering others)? Not that divorce is a sad ending, but it would take years, and it's really better if the story didn't kept on too much after they overthrow the king. --Nonimportant 19:53, 15 April 2007 (UTC)
So I guess...it's decided? --Nonimportant 23:45, 15 April 2007 (UTC)
Now, should we get these chapters renamed with something more appropriate? 20:35, 18 April 2007 (UTC)
I figured that the quotes would be enough to give an identity to each chapter. but if you have any good ideas for chapter names, feel free to add (I am deliberately writing my stories in somewhat different styles, but don't see why not). --Nonimportant 20:39, 18 April 2007 (UTC)
Oh I understand now. We'll keep it the way it is then.
I read earlier on that the king has quite a lot of magic in his palace to keep himself from aging. Is that license to use other forms of magic in this story, like the classical romance type? If so, then that ruby-gold bracelet will be the first one we introduce as enchanted. 20:46, 18 April 2007 (UTC)
Yeah. I'm thinking that the magic of this world should be object/ritual based. Like, the wizard needs to say magical words while doing specific things with specific objects. But I'm still thinking for a good magical "power" for that bracelet. The first thing that comes to mind is "magic absorption", since that would not only help if I wanted them to face mages later, but it would also be the perfect reason for the king wanting the stone (Maybe he needs great quantities of "magical power" to summon some monster). --Nonimportant 21:01, 18 April 2007 (UTC)
Good battle scene. I was going to have one while they were leaving, but you beat me to it (And, I daresay, I couldn't have done better). The only qualm I have is that Marin shouldn't be able to use the staff, as, like I said, this is a low-fantasy world, so I wanted magic to be something complicated that only wizards knew how to handle. --Nonimportant 21:49, 18 April 2007 (UTC)
Thanks for the compliments!
Marin only Gets it, and whether or not she can Use it is another matter. And maybe we can "Discover" some additional properties of the item that are passive in nature, much like the bracelet.
PS. I'm currently at a writer's block with this story, as I don't know where you intend to go with it next. Time for you to write the next episode?
22:08, 18 April 2007 (UTC)