A long time ago, in a far away land...no wait, it's "A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away"...Oh no, that's the other' one. I think this one is the...yes, that must be right. Starting over...
A short while ago, somewhere close-by...
Opening crawl: It is a period of Civil War. No, we're not talking about the American Civil War; geez! Haven't you been paying attention? The Star Wars galaxy is in a state of civil war! Boy, you sure are a lousy...oh well, on with the crawl. Anyway, the galaxy is in a state of civil war, with the Johnny Rebs on one side...I mean, the rebels on one side trying to defeat the nasty ole' Empire, and the Empire on the other side ATTEMPTING TO SQUELCH ALL RESISTANCE TO HER HEINOUS, DIABOLICAL PLANS TO RULE THE UNIVERSE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHA!!!!! Make a note of this, kids. It's VERY IMPORTANT. Anyway, a diplomatic ship (or a ship disguised as one) has stolen the plans for the Empire's terrible weapon of mass destruction, the DEATH STAR, A MASSIVE SPACE STATION WITH THE TERRIBLE POWER TO ELIMINATE AN ENTIRE PLANET!!! AAAAAUUUUGGGHHH!!!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!
The ship is being followed closely by an Imperial Star Cruiser. Yeah, the one Lord Vader uses as a cruise ship. He's on vacation. Or at least he was, until they had to follow the ship that had their awful plans! Now Vader is extremely angry! So watch closely, folks, as the plot unfolds...
Words fade from view, and then we see the Untantive V flying overhead, followed by an Imperial Star Cruiser (which resembles the SS Poseidon with wings and rocket boosters). The two ships are firing lasers at one another, when suddenly the Star Cruiser lets loose with a stream of chocolate syrup, which hits the midsection of the Untantive, causing it to explode.
Cut to inside the ship. C-3PO and R2-D2 are standing in one of the ship's corridors, rebel soldiers lining up alongside.
C-3PO: Dang it! They're sucking us in!
R2-D2: Beep, boop, bop, bope, beeeeep...
C-3P0: Watch your language, Artoo. [This is what he will be written as from now on, because it's easier to type...YES! AS A WRITER I DESERVE SOME EASE! Anyway...]
Artoo: Beep, bleep, blop, blrop...
Threepio: Speak English, for heaven's sake! Oh no, they're coming in!
Suddenly the door in the corridor slides open, and stormtroopers come running in, firing their blasters. The rebels standing along the wall suddenly start flailing and flying in all directions in slow motion. Several fire back, and the same thing happen to the startroopers, until the camera cuts to one of them dodging the bullets like agents from The Matrix.
Threepio: Isn't this such fun, Artoo? Hahaha!
[Although I don't remember the movie (I'm working on it, don't worry), this scene may be used whenever you feel like (It's best used as background):
A hologram somewhere is showing a news report
Reporter: Strange yellow letter-shaped meteorites have fallen on Ketuane. The southern city of Darnadin was completely levelled. Scientists are uncertain about the nature of the meteorites, but many agree that they must've come from "a galaxy. Much probably far, far away."]
Darth Vader enters the "Untantive". He holds the captain by the throat.
Vader: Listen punk, you tell me where those crappin' plans are!!!
Captain: Sir, if you will let go of me I will explain!
Vader: Oh no you don't. You tell me where they are!
Captain: But this is a diplomatic ship! Can't you understand that???
Vader: Oh I see! Well if this is a diplomatic ship, where's the ambassador?? Hmmm?