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This all took place onboard the starship Enterprise NCC-1701-CC, a Paragon (more like parody) class starship. The year was 4000A.D. (oh, I mean C.E.!)

"Captain's log stardate-- stardate-- oh, forget the damned stardate! Anyway, we are in the Alpha-Beta-Gamma-Delta-Epsilon-Zeta-Eta-Theta-Iota-Kappa-Lambda-Mu-Nu-Xi-Omicron-Pi-Rho-Sigma-Tau-Upsilon-Phi-Chi-Psi-Omega sector. It all sounds Greek to me, but what-the-heck-ever. Anyway, we have come to the Alpha-Beta-Cetera-Cetera system because-- because-- I don't know why, I am not the writer!"

On the bridge of the Enterprise NCC-1701-CC, Captain James Holliday sat in his command chair (as always) looking out the viewscreen. He was bored half out of his wits (well, who wouldn't be? There is absolutely nothing going on!)

"Mr. Chart," Captain Holliday said to the android at the ops station (remind you of someone?) "Scan for hostiles."

"I have already done that, sir. There are none." Chart said.

"Then, why are we here?" Holliday asked.

"Because this is where I put you." I, the writer, said. "Just wait a minute."

"Sixty, fifty-nine, fifty-eight--" Holliday began.

"Shut up Holliday!" I said.

Suddenly, a Romulan--

"No! No! No! I am so sick and tired of Romulans I have no idea what to do! Pick some other race!" Holliday interrupted me rudely.

All right, a Constipation class starship dropped out of warp.

"Constipation class? I thought it was Constitution class." Holliday said.

"Who's the writer here?" I asked.

"Grr . . . Open hailing frequencies Mr. Twain." Said Holliday.

"Excuse me Captain, but I am from the nineteenth century, and I don't how the heavens to work this contraption." Said the author Samuel Clemens who's pen name was Mark Twain (hmm, oddly familiar, eh?). He was behind the tactical console that also worked as the communications console.

"You know what? I'll hail them." I said and I did so.

"Lo nach Ba'ro Jo'ma Kuik dosee klaklak Enterprikee!" Said the man that looked like James Kirk from the original Star Trek.

"Uh, we come in peace." Said Holliday.

"Captain, I am sensing-- sensing-- hey, writer, what am I supposed to be sensing?" Asks the half-human, half-Betazoid counselor.

"You are sensing . . . A powerful mind! That's it!" I said.

"Captain, I am sensing a pow--" The counselor began.

"Don't bother Counselor." Holliday said. "Look, I couldn't understand a word you just said." Holliday said.

"He said, 'I am Captain James Kirk of the Enterprise.'" I said.

"You speak that crap?" Asked Holliday.

"Yeah, I am the writer; I made the language up. Don't call it crap Holliday, or I'll write you out so fast your head will spin!" I threatened.

"Prepare a boarding party." Said Holliday.


Onboard the Enterprise (You know which one I'm talking about right?) Edit

"Look, I am sorry I spoke that language. The writer made me do it." Said Kirk. They were in Kirk's office.

"It is all right Kirk." Holliday assured.

"Captain, I am unhappy." Said Chart.

"I thought you didn't feel emotion?" Asked Holliday.

"I don't; the writer made me say it." Chart said. Everyone looked at me.

"What?" I asked.

"You are nothing but trouble." Said Kirk to me.

An Andorian came in and vaporized Kirk with a phaser. Then, I made the Andorian disappear into thin air.

"This story doesn't make any sense." Holliday said.

"No duh!" I said. "I am just trying to make it funny. I wonder if it is."

"Not so much!" the evil literary critic said. "You're stressing too much the 'the writer did it' jokes! Stop interfering in the story and shut up!"

I thought of writing the critic's head off his body, but then I realized he made some sense. I decided to stay out of the story, for now... and made Kirk reappear out of the thin air.

"You guys won't believe it! The afterlife is all groovy. But luckily I stumbled upon a hole in space-time continuum and managed to get back here. Somehow the process also made me alive again.", Kirk said, beaming.

"According to my calculations, the chances of such a thing happening are below infinitesimal. And that is assuming there is an afterlife.", said Chart.

"That's why it's called Deus Ex Machina, duh!", replied Holliday, matter-of-factly.

"Besides, look at this.", said Kirk, pointing to his yellow shirt. "My shirt is yellow, so I can't die. Unless it's a season finale or something."

"Now, now. Stop breaking the fourth wall and go do your job.", I told them.

"Wha...? Oh yes, get those nuclear isotopic devices from the Klingon Fortress in Harmallul V. Almost forgot, hehe. So...let's get this mission started crew!", enthused Kirk.

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