< Shwangland

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Up to this point, no one in this story (and thus as an expansion, none of its readers as well) knew exactly what the Shwizweng was. This is due to one reason - I never really explained what it was (the fact that I, myself, didn't know what it was is beyond the point.)

But now, you are allowed to find out what it is for the simple reason that Bruce went into Shwangland again (by accident - or should I say, by snoozing) and had discovered the as of yet undiscovered item.

But before I explain the entire story of how Bruce found this gadget - which is very interesting - I should give you a little note on the vocabulary used in Shwangland (since it was made known to me, not too recently, by a certain professor who I'll simply refer to as Σ•)

Now, Professor Σ• (pronounced Sum-dot) is the brother of Dumb-dat. Professor Σ• is the more mathematical of the brothers, whereas Dumb-dat is the one who is knowledgeable in, well, actually, nothing.

Hence, as the Mathematics genius of Shwangland, professor Σ• explained to me the the history and the fine works of Shwanglands' vocabulary (what else would you expect from a math genius in such a place?)

Any word beginning with Shw and hence pronounced likewise is a Shwangin word. The word Shwangin itself is a Shwangin word. Words like Shwizweng and Shwizwan and Shwenwing and Shwizam are all Shwanging words used for things (hence they are not verbs - although they could be used as such - since a Shwang would understand you anyway.)

Hence, the vocabulary of Shwangland also needed a Shwangin name - thus: Shwangcabulary.

Personally, I think that Professor Σ• is a genius - unfortunately he was locked up in a particular mental hospital when he explained these things to me (don't even ask me what I was doing there.)

The Missing RatEdit

Rat was missing - obviously - or else I'd have named the chapter something else.

The day he went to the library and fell asleep was the last anyone saw of him. You and I both know where he is; since I'm writing the story and you're reading it. But no one else does - and no one else cared.

The only ones who missed Rat were his closest friends: Bruce, Joel, Drew and Shri. The other students in the class didn't really care because it meant that with the absence of Rat, there was one less person to beat them in the class tests.

Bruce and his friends became worried, and they would usually frequent the library hoping to see their friend - but he was not there. Now, Bruce was really logical, as were his other friends, and they had already dismissed the Shwangland dream as just that - a dream. However, as the third day since the disappearance of Rat passed, and they had eliminated all other possibilities, they were beginning to think that Rat was indeed in Shwangland, having no way of returning.

The four friends had come to a conclusion, they would rescue Rat - if indeed he needed rescuing. There was just one slight problem - none knew how to enter Shwangland. Bruce had done it once, but purely by accident (at the mentioning of the word accident, Shri tripped over a chair and fell down, face first. Remember that I first described him as the accident prone one?)

The four friends did what the thought was the only way of entering Shwangland - by going to sleep in the library. They did the same thing they did when Bruce had first entered (which was, obviously, the same thing they did when Rat had entered.) But this wasn't their usual, regular sleep-in-the-library. This was to be a serious sleep - and these types of sleep are exactly that: serious. (There are, actually, two types of serious sleep: the first being the one where you seriously need your rest - which is not the kind I'm talking about.)

I obviously don't need to tell you what happened next, since I've already mentioned that Bruce was back again in the Dream World called Shwangland. Or maybe I need to tell you again - Bruce fell asleep and was transferred to Shwangland - there!

The ToutEdit

Serious scholars, with particularly nothing to do, have debated on the origins of the word: tout. I'm not here to say what the origin of the word is, nor do I actually want to comment of whether people should discuss about the origins of words in the first place. The tout I'll refer to is the one used not in Shwangland, as you may have guessed, citing the non-use of Shw, but rather the tout that Bruce is familiar with.

Professors (and not the Shwangland kind) have noted that a tout is a person who is an aggressive seller or one who snitches on race-horses. In the land where Bruce comes from, neither of these things are referred to as touts, since no one has any particular interest in race-horses and no one aggressively buys anything.

A tout is a person who simply goes around asking for stuff (not begging, cause then you'd be a beggar, a totally different word.) Touts are of two kinds: the first is the ones that goes around asking people (which includes you) for things - and this is the bad kind of tout - whereas the second are the ones that goes around asking others for things (not including yourself) - these are the good kinds, and any individual can fall into this category since it is not possible to tout from yourself.

Three paragraphs ago, I had a particularly good reason for naming this chapter tout, but I've spent so much time that I've actually forgotten why that was. For, you see, Bruce never met any touts in Shwangland - a tout not actually being a Shwangin word.

Bruce's last memory of Shwangland from his first dream became his first in his second dream as he awoke in the same spot that he met the pencil soldier. The pencil soldier was still there, sitting with its back to the wall (and since pencils are perfectly symmetrical and has no front, much less a back, so that was particulary hard for Bruce to conclude.)

Bruce looked around him, he needed to find Rat - if even Rat was in Shwangland. He went up to the pencil and spoke. 'Hello, pencil. Sorry to bother you, but i'm looking for a friend called Rat. Have you seen or heard of or from him?'

The pencil looked up. 'You have a Rat as a friend? A talking Rat? That is absolutely absurd!'

Bruce looked at the talking pencil, but said nothing.

'No, sorry. I haven't heard of a Rat. But I did hear that someone was sent on a quest to find some cheese for the king, perhaps this is the Rat you're looking for.'

Bruce thought for a moment. Sending Rat to look for cheese was something that king Leary would definitely do. 'Yes. Do you know where he went? Can you tell me?'

'I sure do know where he went.' Said the pencil. 'But I wont tell you. I first need a favor, can you find me a sharpener? I do not make my points as sharp as I once used to, and people think I'm becoming rather dull.'

Bruce accepted to find a sharpener for the poor pencil, and as he left the wall (not in the direction of Frappsigated, but towards Shwangland) he thought about how much of a tout the pencil was.

The Cheesy PathEdit

Where in Shwangland would Bruce ever find Rat? That was the ultimate question. Actually, not really, but since Bruce was only focused on finding Rat, then to him, that was the ultimate question.

This whole business of the ultimate question is really stupid. Someone once told me that there are no stupid questions, just stupid answers. And the way I see it, the ultimate question (apart from probably being the question most asked) is also never given the correct answer (for maybe there is none.) So that makes the ultimate question one that basically carries the most stupid answers. That was just a thought - then again, Shwangland doesn't leave much room for people to think.

Bruce decided not to ask anyone for Rat, for people were already beginning to think that he was stupid for asking such a crazy question. How would you feel going around asking people if they know where Rat was?

He decided, instead, to ask where he could find the largest supply of cheese in the Shwangland country. Although, no one seems to really know where any supply of cheese were. This would lead Bruce down a wild-goose-chase that he would like to call the cheesy path. (This not implying that Bruce was chasing any goose or walking on any cheese - which makes the phrases rather stupid ones.)

The first suggestion (which came from a farmer) was for Bruce to head to the Shwangland Dairy Center - this was the wisest words Bruce had ever heard comming from any Shwangland. He thus, decided to check it out.

There is a particular drink called swank. Now, as was explained earlier, Shwangin words are those beginning with Shw. I should've said most Shwangin words begin with Shw because it has since come to my attention that swank is a Shwangin word not beginning with Shw.

Now, why would I mention swank when Bruce was headed to the Shwangland Dairy Center? That is an excellent question. You see, swank is a local drink - no only local to Shwangland, but also to the land from whence Bruce came. Swank is a drink of both sweet and sour tastes (and while you may think that absurd, it really isnt. Swank is merely lime and lemon mixed in with water and sugar. If I were to really reveal the origin of the word then you would see why such a mixture became known as swank - but I don't know the word's origin.)

I don't think that i've as yet mentioned why I mentioned swank. (Really nice sentence, the previous one, eh?) Well that was exactly what Bruce found when he reached the Dairy Center. Apparantly all the Shwangland cows were missing and thus they had to come up with a subsitute: swank.

That put Bruce in another quandry. Where else could Rat have possibly gone? He decided to re-visit the farmer to ask him of the possible locations of the cows. This farmer obviously knew where the cows were - as I mentioned before, he was really smart.

Have I ever told you about the old man Wright?

Of Cows and RatsEdit

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