This is spoofing the 2006 disaster film, Poseidon. Contribs are welcome by those who have seen the film.


Fade to title, and ominous music plays.

Fade to underwater scene. Suddenly, we hear the music from Jaws, and then a giant mouth appears and eats the title.

Suddenly, we see the bottom of a ship. We move upwards to see the SS Poseidon, a magnificent cruise ship. We zoom in on the deck, and see Dylan, a professional gambler, rushing up the stairs to the top deck. Suddenly he trips on a step and falls over. We zoom around the ship as the credits appear.

The camera zooms into a room, where we see two people, Jennifer Ramsey and her boyfriend, Christian, rolling around on the floor, kissing and slobbering mushily. Suddenly, Jennifer's dad Robert comes into the room. In fast motion the two get up off the floor and onto the couch.

Robert: GOTCHA! Ha ha, trying to sneak that in without me lookin', eh?

Chris: Naw, we knew all the people watching this wanted to see a bunch of romance.

Robert: Well, they don't. SO TURN IT OFF!

Jennifer: I'm so sick of your director's tone. You're an actor, not a director!

Robert: Well, I know more about the audience than you do!!

Chris: Okay, okay.

Robert: Does she do this at you? I mean, you're not even as old as I am and I know much more about acting than you do! She'd better not be showing you more respect than...

Chris: Naw, once I'm her husband she'll be doing that all the time.

Cut to scene of Elena, stowaway in cabin of waiter Valentin. She is wandering through the lobby of the ship and into the kitchen, where she finds Valentin. He bumps into her and spills all the food he was carrying onto the head cook.

Head Cook: IDIOT! What the **** do you think you're doing???

Valentin: Oops, sorry sir! I just slipped is all...

Head Cook: Who's this foreign woman here?

Valentin: Uh, she's my sister. She just came to see...

Head Cook (to Elena): Say, are you a dancer by any chance?

Elena: Well, uh, yes! As a matter of...

Head Cook: Perhaps you'd like to accompany me to the dance tonight? (He hangs forward, his tongue hanging out his mouth, his eyes are wide as dinner plates)

Valentin: Sorry, she's got a bad ankle. Uh, she hasn't had anything to eat all day. Could I....

Head Cook: Absolutely! Anything you want, ma'am, you can have anything you want! Absolutely anything! (He hands her a big steak)

Elena: Sorry, I'm on a vegetarian diet.

Head Cook: So is that how you stay so fit and in shape?

Valentin: Yes, she can only have vegetable products. Now can we...

Head Cook: Well, here's a vegetarian platter! (Several crudely sliced tomatoes, cucumbers and an unknown gunk with brown goop splattered across it) That's what I think of vegetarian diets!

Elena: Well excuse me!

Valentin grabs her by the arm and hurries her out.

Valentin: Elena, you can't leave the cabin! I know it's boring in there but if you come out they'll know you're a stowaway and I'll get in big trouble! Come on, think of me here! I'm the only one who's...I mean, you're very important!

Cut to inside the ballroom. Dylan, the gambler who we saw at the beginning is walking across the hall when suddenly he bumps into a young boy. Liquor spills all over the place and Dylan knocks over a lamp. It shatters, catches the liquor on fire and the carpet ignites.

Dylan: Quick, put it out! Put it out!

Boy grabs a bottle of liquor and throws it on. It explodes in a fireball.

Dylan: Numbskull! Water! Get water!

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