The SyndromeEdit


All good things must come to an end. And that's what happened with Notroswellville's UFO "problem." Even though the sightings only seemed to grow in quantity and farfetchedness, after another month, people finally started to stop caring about whatever was happening there.

Mary however, had moved out to Hollywood...nope, she was just an extra, but a director had seen her and thought that she would do nicely as a supporting actress in his "It may have been 25 years, but I still know what you did 10 sequels earlier.".

The mayor did his best to encourage people to talk about UFOs, he even paid some of them, but it didn't matter much. So he talked about them himself. About how he saw these black rectangles floating over his house, and how they glowed and blinked and floated. But no one was there to hear.

The french investors were starting to have doubts about the continuation of the project, so they thought about selling the land to Jenny's father. But Jenny's father was not all that rich anymore, since he spent all the money he had made buying more raw materials and lines of production for a product no one wanted to buy anymore. And Gary...well...

Gary was completely insane. He always double checked under his bed before going to sleep, he started to observe the mail man through his window, to make sure he was not placing micro cameras in his lawn, he watched "Signs" a gizzilion times, and if that's not crazy enough for you, he made notes about the movie, in case he ever needed to kill an alien and he bought even more flagged books, (for example, "The secret invasion of the body-snatching mole-things of the planet X" and "How to thwart an alien invasion in ten easy steps.")


I'm telling you this because you gotta understand Gary's mental state when, while he was drinking in a bar, doctor Gulliver entered, visibly tired, and asked for a scotch. The doctor sat on a barstool, took a sip from his glass and announced: "My, that must've been the hardest delivery I've ever seen, at least it's over!"

A guy near the east wall asked: "Wott's yer talkin' 'bout!?" And the doctor explained that he had just helped Jenny to have her baby, it was hard, he admits, but nothin' he couldn't handle. Gary couldn't help but ask if there was "anything strange" with the baby. And the doctor said that no, nothing, well he didn't have the middle finger of his left hand, he admits, but it was nothin' he couldn't handle.

Gary acted as any normal person would act in his situation. He put his glass on the counter, got up from the barstool and started screaming and running aimlessly. He then got out in the streets yelling about an alien invasion or something, about how everyone had parasites on their brains and how the aliens' death rays would annihilate them all.

These terrible news made Jenny's father very concerned, so he went to the storage of his shop and put on one of his anti mind-control caps. Billy Bob, when he heard, was in the middle of a service, so he hided under the altar and made the sign of the cross, while everyone else in the church went to Klayton Klaus' house, where everyone (except for Klayton)was standing up, with their eyes closed and stating: "Aummmmmmmmm.", so that the visitors from the skies would take them.

The political activists decided to add up in the chaos by making a massive peaceful protest, with molotov. Black and White were preparing to raid the house of a guy called Thurman, that apparently was making those videos. So they paid little heed to Gary's warnings. Thurman, however, did pay attention to Gary, so he tried to leave his house, which actually made White and Black's job easier.

What didn't make their jobs easier is that the activists threw a molotov near them, making a tree fall over White. What was strange is that, seconds before the tree fell, everything stopped. And I mean that literally. The flow of time was frozen and the state of the particles was unchangeable. Moments later, a flying saucer landed in the middle of the street. And two gray humanoid aliens with big black eyes left it, in order to speak with the mayor.


Now, before I continue, let me explain one thing: The aliens had stopped the flow of time in order to talk to the mayor unnoticed. The reason I can tell you this is because back at the agency we countered the effect with these foil hat. It's really complicated stuff so I won't even try to explain it.

What really matters now is that the aliens went to the mayor, whom was, quite understandably, scared. He thought that they were going to kill him, not quite as understandably. The aliens explained that they had come for more important things like...hell, I'll just read the transcript.

"AH! Pleasedon'tkillme!"

"We aren't gonna kill you, dumbass."


"Nah. We were just passing by and noticed that you guys are using our image without our consent. I mean, we didn't even come to this stupid planet yet. We were hoping to finish our business in Alpha Careontis, but whatever. We could sue you, but we'll settle for twenty percent of your city's profits."

"You aliens use money too?"

"Of course, not, underdeveloped lifeform. We have already reached the point in which physical representation for one's ability to buy stuff is futile. So we use virtual representations composed of billions of electrical signals and a special object that records our financial exchanges so that we can extract or deposit that value from or in our representations."

"Oh, you mean like bank accounts and credit cards?"

"Something like that, yes."

"Oh. So why do you aliens need money?"

"We can sell half a gram of paper for 1018 credits."

"Oh. That's a lot."

"Yep. Almost enough to buy a microwave machine."

"How come so much money for a microwave machine?"



"But that doesn't matter. We just wanted to tell you that we were gonna take it. Oh, and we'll also tweak flow of time so that this commotion never happened. consider it as a gift. We don't usually tweak the timeline. Not that you'll remember us anyway."

"Oh. So I suppose you bring us into the galactic consortium then?"

"Galactic what? You want us to bring you with us? No...nothing is, we don't really like you guys."


And then, just like that, everything went back to "normal." And many miles away from there, Mary was looking at the sky again. Only this time it was night, and this time, she was a movie star. She had just been called by some Spielberg director to appear in a big-budget blockbuster flick called "BLOCKBUSTER!!!" which had a big budget, because it was supposed to be a, that was redundant.

Anyway, Mary was looking at the night sky, thinking how things were going nuts in her home town. She couldn't believe how many people fell for the alien crap. A lot of people really believed in it. And just because Jenny had a four-fingered baby didn't mean it was true.

Then she saw a star moving slightly to the right, or did she? It was such a small movement it could be an hallucination. Well, she didn't believe that alien crap, of course, but she decided to wear a anti mind-control cap she had bought as a souvenir before leaving, only to be sure.

And then, after a full circle, I finish my story. And like Caesar said, a long time ago: "Men willing believe what they wish.", only, I believe, he said it in Italian or something.

I hope you publish it...Let's just say I have my reasons...No, you don't need to know...yes, it's better this way. And remember: "Truth is out there."


  • Mary, after starring films such as "The mast and the spurious.", "More masts and more spurious" and "Even more masts and spurious", lives in Iowa, she's married with an illegal alien called Cezár, has three kids, one of them is in state prison, the other in an asylum for criminally insane and the other is currently leading a revolution in a small Central American republic, he plans to kill the dictator in three months, seven days and five hours, is married with Julia del Paso Grande whose real name's Gabriella Lombardi, whom pretends to be Spanish, but is in fact Italian and works with a Central American based group of anti globalization terrorists that plan to blow the Statue of Liberty.
  • Jenny's baby, Damien Greta, became a senator for the State of New Mexico, after serving as governor. He plans to run for presidency, with a a support group largely composed of military industry, UFO enthusiasts disguised as secret societies disguised as satanic cults, and satanic cults disguised as secret societies disguised as parents and teachers associations. No, he's not hybrid, nor antichrist, but since the satanic cults control so much of American politics, he decided he'll tell them only after he wins the elections.
  • Black and White discovered that, in truth, they had much in common and much to learn with each other's cultures, so they became friends and went to Honk Kong, like we all knew they would, sooner or later.
  • Klayton Klaus became insane and started talking about visitors from the skies that wanted to take him. And give him joyful truthful peace. He went to the nearby St. Francis asylum where he was well treated and lived happily ever after...until he died.
  • Billy Bob Jens kept being a priest and doing priestly things and living his priestly life...until he died at, mostly, the same time as Klaus (except for a few key factors like date and time.)
  • Hoswell was promoted due to his "Wild efforts at giving people something to ponder about. Something not at all related to how their civil and/or human rights are being violated."
  • The...guy in charge of area 51 started a research project in human-animal communication, in order to use the beast's amazing hurricane, earthquake and tsunami prediction abilities to aid him in his quest to form a multi-species pan-galactic empire.
  • Gary Mann was never ever ever seen again...

Credits and DisclaimerEdit

Special thanks go to:

  • User:Nonimportant, for being such a great guy and finishing this story, when all thought he would fail.
  • User:Serprex, for fixing my horrible grammar

This is a work of fiction, any resemblance to actual people, places and stuff like that, is a mere coincidence. Really!

Now that you read it (Congratulations), what about telling me how much you r(h)ate it?


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