by Cara Jade
She didn’t know why she felt that way. There was nothing wrong. Life was the same it had been for months. The grey skies loomed outside, Beautiful majestic clouds heaving and sighing, rolling forward towards her. She did not blink as lightning cracked the sky, momentarily illuminating the world beneath and above. A second of unforgiving brightness, as she held her breath waiting to hear the thunder roar. If the nightsky was displaying a powerful scene of passion, The sky being a delicate woman, silky, expansive, and the dark clouds her man, this final roar of triumphant thunder was its peak. For the hours that lay in the next waiting seconds, she looked out for the first drop of rain. She knew it would fall somewhere she couldn’t see it, but soon one would fall near her. Impatiently now she looked up. The clouds changed shape, and then they burst, sheets of water fell, layers upon layers, never ending torrents of water. Tired of their love they broke, the ground was misty, the night was dark.
It had been disappointing. Strangely she thought of how much she loved watching the rain, and how it always lifted her spirits. But today she hated it. It repulsed her. She crossed the room and closed the lights. The light should have gone. It always goes in the movies. That too disappointed her. She walked back to the window and sat down.. watching the sky weep as the clouds began to disappear.
She reached for her pack and lit one, cursing herself for not even being able to smoke., the unused cigarettes came out dry, their tobacco falling from the paper. How long had it been since he gave them to her? Probably around eight months. She remembered the look on his face when she asked him for his pack., she remembered the look on hers when she saw.
Yet here it was, between her fingers then between her lips., the tip burned quick and she watched the smoke rise to oblivion, pathetic! she thought again. She watched it burn, the golden red circle crinkling up the white of the paper as it ate it away.
She had been pushed off onto the hard shoulder again. It happened so often, so unfairly. No matter how strong her footing remained, she was after all a mortal being, sometimes to tire, sometimes to sleep. Sleep now had become her enemy, she feared it, and she knew she couldn’t win it. No matter how many hours her eyes remained open, it was always the few moments they were closed in that she lost, it was always in those moments that the others won. she was almost exhausted from the fight, the constant quarreling in her head.
Have you ever seen those parallel universe science fiction movies?
Shes in her world, of rock and stone, flesh and blood., but shes somewhere else also.
Has anyone ever asked you, if right now is the sleeping part of your life; and you are actually in a dream, and when you are asleep, that’s actually the real awake part.
Shed almost won her battle with sleep, - her whole life now one haze of semi conscience.
Have you ever seen those people on tv they call “mentally retarded”, “psychologically deranged” and wondered if they are the real intelligent life forms; seeing something we dont…. Have you ever wondered if there may be one inside you?
She watched the cars speed by her, as she climbed out of her car..parked on the hard shoulder. Smoke arose from the hood. All four tires flat. She closed her eyes and In her mind she saw the car blow up. The mushroom cloud spreading for miles around, she saw its heat melt the world around her, yet the cars kept speeding by. She watched them go in slow motion, faster and faster. She looked in and saw the faces of the people. Beautiful women, with plastic skin, powerful men with no time to waste.. they turned to look at her, and she went cold..not from my world she thought and looked away
Have you ever smoked a cigarette till its very end?
She held it between her lips, till the fire reached the filter, and she could feel her lips burn, she knew it would leave a scarlet mark; mission accomplished, the last flecks of tobacco fell to the ground, consumed. She looked at the dead filter, and saw the red marks of her lipstick on it…bled to death she thought., and threw it behind the sofa and looked up at the sky. When it was night she wished it was day, and when it was day she wished it was night. A few faint stars twinkled above her. Stars were like children to her., she could never hate them even when she hated everything else, and despite herself, she smiled a little.
She didn’t know why she felt like this. Everything was normal, same as it had been for months…