User:Qyrst (With ending by IP)
"Help!" a voice screamed. Rachel had been walking down the street when she heard the voice. It seemed to be coming from under the pavement. She walked to a gutter, and got on her knees.
"Hello," she said into the gutter, "Is anybody in there?"
"I don’t have time for games!" yelled the voice. "Get me out of here!"
Rachel suddenly recalled that she had forgot her pills. After promptly taking her medication, the voice went away.
the cheese went bad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.....................................or did it?
The man gazed down from the ferry deck at the dark, almost black waters of the Strait of Dover. His black hair fluttered as the wind beat at him. Yet, he stood solidly resisting the weather's futile attempts to force him back inside the ship. Raindrops spattered the grey-painted metal of the vessel, starting slowly, and gradually increasing their tempo until the man was lost in a total downpour.
And still he continued standing as the water soaked through his tattered clothes to his skin.
The accident had been seventeen years ago this day. He could still remember caressing the soft black hair, feeling the warm tongue in his ear as he leaned in close. Sadie's shrill voice still rang in his ears after all this time, and on sunny days, the merest flutter of a whimsical breeze could remind him intimately of her sprightlly gait. Yes, it was true; Sadie had been the best Yorkshire terrier the world had ever known. That is, until the misery of living with him had forced her to her horrible fate, leaping into the Strait of Dover on that stormy, fateful day all those years ago.
The squirrel chased the balloon. It chased it and chased it. The squirrel was hyperactive in exactly the same way as sloths are not. The balloon rose higher. The squirrel chased it more, and unknowingly fell off a cliff. The squirrel would have fell to it's death if it where not for a major glitch in the matrix. It turns out that it was not the year 1999 as the squirrel thought, but actually closer to the year 2199. It seems that the squirrel army blocked out the sun, the balloon's only major source of helium, and in order to survive, the balloons had to mine the helium from the squirrel's high pitched voices. That is why all squirrels in the future sound like Shaquille O'Neal. Knowing now the truth, our squirrel called forth Cthulhu, and the two fought as one. Soon the balloon was defeated. The squirrel ripped open the balloon and obtained the walnut inside. The squirrel then looked directly at the camera and in a dramatic sequence, said "victory....but at what cost?"
MS R&D LogEdit
MSRNDServer1 Login: bgates
Last Login: Mon May 13 01:11:11 on tty2
You have new mail.
[bgates@MSRNDServer1 bgates]$ ls
ballmerconcern.txt gplmemo.txt Desktop Mail netscape porn stratmemo.txt Windows
[bgates@MSRNDServer1 bgates]$ cd Windows
[bgates@MSRNDServer1 Windows]$ ls
gplcode bsdcode reverseeng employeecrap
[bgates@MSRNDServer1 Windows]$ rm -rf employeecrap
[bgates@MSRNDServer1 Windows]$ mv gplcode ie6
[bgates@MSRNDServer1 Windows]$ mv bsdcode winkernel
[bgates@MSRNDServer1 Windows]$ mv reverseeng applecode
[bgates@MSRNDServer1 Windows]$ oh crap
bash: oh: command not found
[bgates@MSRNDServer1 Windows]$ mv applecode officexp
[bgates@MSRNDServer1 Windows]$ chmod a-r *
[bgates@MSRNDServer1 Windows]$ cd /var/ftp
[bgates@MSRNDServer1 ftp]$ ls
bin etc lib pub Windows
[bgates@MSRNDServer1 ftp]$ cd Windows
[bgates@MSRNDServer1 Windows]$ ls
newgpl newbsd other
[bgates@MSRNDServer1 Windows]$ rm -rf newgpl newbsd
[bgates@MSRNDServer1 Windows]$ exit
Godzilla vs SerpenteraEdit
In this story godzilla must get help from 4 very familiar monsters and turn super to beat the biggest baddest fight ever but will he stop him in time or will the earth be destroyed by this guy,gigan,and kg!It all began in 1956 when a meteorite hit earth and a monster called anguirus emerged with his brother dead and went to destroy the earth.He was too stupid to know his brother had survived and had the ability to talk,fire a mix of radioactivity and gravity beams from his mouth,could absorb the powers of his opponents,but was the size of a crab.He kept growing and moved his diet of fish to humans and wreaked havoc!He never got caught and destroyed 30 ships as he grew!After godzilla went to rest after the war he awoke in 2059 to a disturbance nearby.He went to check to see none other than mothra fighting a big snake!Anguirus was fighting too but was not surprisingly losing.Godzilla joined in and fired his beam but was banged with a blow to the head by none other than gigan!Godzilla blew off his head but it grew back and gigan was back in his first appearence from the showa series.SERPENTERA THAN PUKED OUT 2 GIGANS AND KING GHIDORAH IN THERE SHOWA VERSIONS!!!!!!!!Serpentera took a canister of supergcells off of his back!Mothra grabbed and gave it to godzilla who drank it.He surged with power and unleashed his red spiral beam with a gigantic explosion wiping out the 3 clones and injuring gigan who switched to and healed in his millenium look!Godzilla was struck by serpentera who knocked him out also with a big destructive beam!
Chapter 1: I don't Like it. There was definitely something to it. A certain art. The way it twisted and curved, almost to the point of pointlessness.
Chapter 2: Beauty in Ugliness. I saw it, Glaring at me. Clear as day. I was stunned.
Chapter 3: It Happened. Slowly at first, Almost unnoticeable, then, loudly, almost unbearable.
Chapter 4: The next words i heard were polish. Smutek tych wsysztkich dni! Zbe,dnych tylie przeczecz wiem.
Chapter 5: Just for kicks. I put my hand out infront of me, and they collided with a face.
Chapter 6: Not again Banged up.
Chapter 7: I shat on the floor I should have been... a little to the left.
Chapter 1: I still didn't like it. There was a certain nihilism to it, a je ne sais quoi of existentialism.
I woke up and got out of bed. I thought What a crazy dream! Let me tell you about it. In my dream I looked out the window in my room in a village. There was an army of monsters invading the village. I ran for my life and found a secret underground tunnel. It felt like miles and miles until I reached the end. When I finally reached the end, there was a sword. I heard someone coming so I took the sword. He said "Relax, I made this tunnel back then when the monsters attacked fifty years ago. I made it so I could protect the village from the monsters. When they were defeated, I put the sword in this tunnel, to prevent it from falling into the wrong hands. But now the monsters are attacking once more." I looked at him. "You mean these monsters attacked before?" I said. He replied "Yes, but alas, I can no longer defend the village, it is your duty now to save the village."
I fought the monsters and defeated them all, almost. I knew they gone, I still had to defeat them in other places.
The Heavenly LakeEdit
The manatee, with great intent, chased me for miles on end. Perhaps the lifeguard would help.
"The one beauty in life, so we see it," spoke the lifeguard as the sea cow dropped her jaw open.
Everything was clear, for once.
Heaven and its lake were rich with challenges to overcome and adventures to experience. Though at times helpful angels edited the knowledge of where I was out of my consciousness so I could have a more authentic experience, in this moment I was suddenly, blissfully aware that this was not just any demented, murderous manatee--it was a demented, murderous manatee of God.
Once upon a time, there was a very average middle-aged woman. She was laid off of one call center, and found another job in a call center. Unfortunately, she then was not able to meet her sales quota and was fired after 6 months. Then, her beloved cat died. To console herself, she immersed herself in the game world of Sims and ate ice cream until she grew fat. She downloaded more and more objects for this game until her computer crashed. That's when things started to get funky. She restored all her files for the game that she had cleverly backed up on CDs and DVDs. As she played, she began to notice a green glow above her head. She began watching cooking shows to increase her cooking skill, and swimming to increase her body skill.
The green glow increased and coalesced into a diamond shape. She began reading books on computers to increase her mechanical skill, and books on organization to increase her cleaning skill. Then, one day she woke up and noticed it looked different outside her window, her carpet was clean and spotless, her rice cooker and crockpot had disappeared, and her washer and dryer didn't work. Then the doorbell rang. "Hello, I'm Mortimer Goth, and this is my daughter Cassandra, and my good friend Nina Caliente. Welcome to Pleasantview." In alarm, she looked around and noticed that her Toyota in the driveway had been replaced with a Ford. She looked where she usually kept her keys and was even more surprised to find a Ford key instead of a Toyota key. But it was all good, because the missing Toyota was 10 years old, and the Ford was spanking new and shiny. "Don't worry", said Mortimer, "in this town, cars are self-cleaning, and automatically vacuum themselves out every week. All the rugs are self-cleaning too. Every morning, all your clothes automatically clean themselves - thats why you won't find any drycleaners in the phone book. Just do a full 360 turn in front of your dresser to change clothes." That's when she realized she had really become a Sim. THE END?
Additions by David from now on But how was this new life different from her own, the real one? Well, everything was more "controlled", non free. But who cares? A Sim's life could be as good as a human's life. No? Every little thing was clean and she did not have to do boring stuff. Of course her brain could melt a little, because all she had to do in life was to consume, to buy things and "learn" new skills... with little effort. It arose many questions, after the initial panic and depression: "Why me?" she thought. And "Why was this possible?". She even thought that the real world could have been a simulation too, she had seen Thirteenth floor and The Matrix movies, but she always thought it was just fiction. But now she knew the whole concept was possible.
The most strange thing about her new "life" was that, after a small depression she had during a week, she was happy with that. She had lost almost all interest in real things back in her world; that was why she became addicted to that game. Now she could live doing what she always wanted to do: play Sims. But there was a problem... she could die too. Plus, every Sim was controlled by a player, who was controlling her? Did she still have some free will? It seemed like it, but nobody can know for certain, she thought, maybe free will is just apparent to a Sim... like it can be apparent for a human. But no, she would forget all that stuff about being controlled in real life or in the game. If her actions were not intended by her... No, definitely, she should believe her actions were hers. And now she was hungry and felt a compelling feeling to forget about it and watch some TV. And she did.
This story sucksEdit
Why does it suck? You tell me. Except I already know. Because it is spam. Spam in the land of spam sucks by default. And then it isn't really a story, but a self referencing thing that died before it was even created. So why am I creating it? Because I'm notUser:Serprex 13:01, 6 November 2008 (UTC)
The monkeys died, that is all, every single one of them, and then McDonalds used them for hamburgers. This is imaginary,....we hope.
We remain unable to perceive the barrier between reality and fantasy. Our doctor says we will be prescribed dfferent medication and that we must not eat the overcooked broccoli, for heat activates the alien probes contained within. Our therapist says writing is good for us, and that we are making improvements in expressing our feelings. Our therapist also says our case worker is a spy for the government, and that he only wants us to get a job because that is how they control you and attach the mind control device to your head.
By Acey • gossip. 19:57, 7 March 2009 (UTC)
I was sleeping late on my bed; it was already morning, maybe 10 pm or so. I noticed somebody was watching me... It was not anyone from my family, I sensed something quite different. I looked out the window and saw her; it was a cute girl that was knocking on it. I thought it was very weird but I tried to keep sleeping. The strange thing was she could actually see me! I had a net curtain so it was very unlikely that she could; yet she was watching me with attention. I was so puzzled that I decided to open the window. As soon as I did it, she entered my home.
She started playing with me; it seemed she was mute. Then my mother knocked on my door and opened it. She found the girl. She thought weird things about me, I think, because she was enraged. I am not such an evil person to have a child in my room, playing with me, but who would believe such a story? My mom said I was a pervert and that that girl should be out in no time. Instantly, the girl morphed into a 17 year old. Her body changed in seconds and her skin turned brown; like a living dead. Then, I knew what do do. My mother and I put her on the floor and we both began praying... It was some kind of exorcism; that child was clearly either a ghost, a succubus, a vampire, something like that, even a demon. Our faith triumphed and we finally cured her...
The Jello ScrollEdit
It is the year 444...
The man penned the scroll. It was a small town called Jello in Europe in which this fellow lived...
He penned the scroll is if it were divine guidance guiding him...
- Human faces manifest the higher values for which they represent.
- Human minds manifest the body for which they will be held in.
- They cannot be contained because the mind is infinite.
He put the scroll in the clay jar and tucked it away under the foundation of the soon to be built structure....
It is the year 2013, and Kaytlin Karmichael is the world's foremost solver of archaeological mysteries. She's a busy woman who tries to balance work and a social life, and these tensions make her snippy even to those closest to her. Fortunately, her tendency to speak her mind even when it's not wise to do so is offset by the fact that she has Jim, a confidant with whom things became sexual only once, though they never again talked about that time. Her good looks ensure that she has no shortage of suitors even though she is so calloused by life and dysfunctional in articulating her needs. Still, the cold sore that morning is causing her undue stress, on this, the day when she is to finally visit the ruins of Jello.
Diary of a SchizophrenicEdit
They call me schizophrenic. I hate it. I can't stand it. I talk all weird to the shrink so I can keep my monthly paycheck. I have to lie to him or I will not get my money. Yes... I do experience distress! Of course... anyone would under my circumstances. My family is too busy and poor to help me. I want to take those tests to go back to school, but I am too drugged up to be able to think straight during those tests. I want to work, but that is a mess too...
I'm ruminating again. I know it's bad for me, and I do it anyway. I shake my head and focus on bagging the groceries. Heavy items on bottom, square items along the sides, and squishy things in the middle. Heavy items on bottom...Boy, this person buys a lot of sweets...I glance up, just to see if the customer is fat, someone I can make fun of for their poor diet and self-inflicted health troubles. My eyes meet those of the most gorgeous woman I have ever seen. I mean, I know I'm a little borderline and I tend to exaggerate sometimes, but she is just...WOW. Tall, curvy, smooth, dark skin, and something else...she seems to almost radiate kindness, her liquid brown eyes meeting mine with all the compassion of a Buddha. "Oh!" she exclaims softly when our eyes meet. "You poor man!" Is she just pitying my menial occupation? I start feeling the old shame, the familiar self-hatred, but then she continues sympathetically. "You've been troubled a long time, haven't you?"
The Universe J is a hidden universe within the multi-verse.
It is undetectable and therefore has not had interference from other universes.
This has given it some notable properties which should be rather apparent as well.
Tyhroo lived in this universe, Universe J. T, for short, lived in this universe all his life of course.
He is a relatively young, at the age of 700 years.
And of course, time is measured differently in this universe, a bit. But the differences are negligible.
T had a mission. He had something to do, something to get done.
He migrated to a rather hidden planet, one that is off the radar of really all other planets.
How did he find this planet you ask? Ha! It was simple, really....
But on this planet, he was doing what he must...
He was getting done what he intended to get done before his 900th birthday year.
Of course he was taking clorhexinjya-x-4-2-3 every 30 years, which modified his DNA so he had no need for sleep. Every 4 or 5 years though, he would pop pills of jilflaxin-4-5-7 every couple weeks, just because he enjoyed the feeling of waking up after a good "rest".
These periods of recreation did not really get in the way of his mission though, since he had his 300 year schedule mapped out pretty well, and adapted as necessary as new data was ready for integration.....
But Tyhroo could never have taken into account what he was to actually find when he piloted his one-man spacecraft to a gentle landing on the green, dusty surface of Yilix.
Tales From The Glorious Profession of PsychiatryEdit
Dr. Bob was about to see his patient....
Patty Smith came in to see Dr. Bob...
So how can I help you Ms. Smith, Dr. Bob asked?
I have a difficult time working. I may have to quit my job she said..
Here... here is a prescription...
go and fill it.....
OK, she said. Thanks, Dr. Bob....
4 years later, Patty Smith developed tardive dyskenisia....
Sir Psycho MagnetoEdit
The Dramatic Introduction
He swims through lava...
He sleeps in the center of the Earth...
He flies to Mars in 20 minutes...
He flies to other Galaxies in an hour to blow up planets for amusement.
He flies to other Galaxies to create planets for amusement...
Crime fighter... do gooder... cat in tree saver...
Sir Psycho flew to the planet Zorcon in the Galaxy Flarflottel...
On this planet... which had one giant continent...
there were two factions fighting...
they have fought for thousands of years...
this was a far away galaxy...
and SPM just found out about it because he flew extra far on one of his wandering journies...
so Sir Psycho Magneto did the sensible thing...
the built a giant space ship for one of the factions (they flipped a coin)...
70% of humans who are "terminal" consent to being cryonically frozen for transport to the moon, for later revival when technology permits.
Social security keeps costing more and more...
Adults kept complaining of illnesses... however, they would keep eating lots of high-fructose corn syrup and hydrogenated oils... not in moderation... they kept not getting the recommended amount of exercise and kept acting as if neglecting diet and exercise will not lead to having to go to the doctor due to physical complaints.
Some other stuff happens....
President Sarah Palin signs into law a government incentive program that encourages people to volunteer for cryopreservation. "This is a free-market solution to our inability to fund medicare and social security benefits."
The demand for cryopreservation is a boon for Mickey McMann, a suave businessman with a chip on his shoulder and a song in his heart. "I survived the Great Recession with barely a scratch," he says smugly to no one in particular as he preens in his office, "and now my fortune will be even greater! Hahaha!" Little does he know he is soon to learn a lesson about what really matters in life when a Malaysian orphan turns up on his doorstep in a metal cylinder, cryogenically frozen by accident.
2091 (because 2090 was already started)Edit
Dr. Glockenspiel had perfected the equation using multi-variable-parasynethic-algebraic-calculus-sans-integralitits ...
he emailed the equation to Dr. Mofroplotetic for confirmation in its validity...
Later that day Dr. M recieved the email (YES they still email in 2091, of course) .... and Dr. M used the equation in the skeleton program he had already created....
5 seconds later the results came back positive for 40 species, including humans....
He was able to load the DNA of any individual of that species and it was able to use the reverse recombination algorthms Developed by Dr. G in order to display the exact genome sequence of both of (or in some cases all three of) the offsprings' creators... all the tests were successful.
the implications of this were furthur expaned in 2202
Where Intrigue Is FoundEdit
The book was taken off the shelf. Thousands of other books are around. Thousands of thousands...
A Boy Climbed a TreeEdit
A boy climed a tree
His father said, Son, what do you see?
I see a bee.
You have to have a sight, as this is Galilee.
But it is night, and there is no one but you and me.
Look out to the sea, tell me this is not fun.
Syria is not fun in the dark, and in this tree, I am done.
Get down from there, out of the tree, away from the bee, jump into the air, since about nothing do you care, get out of there, my son.
"Hydrothermal vents can be found at the bottom of the ocean," said Mrs. Oradoor to her class that wasn’t listening. John was sleeping on his desk, Ellen was staring into space, June was reading a magazine in her textbook, and Thomas was making paper airplanes out his old assignments.
Mrs. Oradoor never seemed to mind that nobody was paying attention during her lectures. The class was paying just enough attention to notice when she said something the next instant that the whole class found interesting.
"There's something lodged in my anus right now. Anyone care to venture a guess?"
The students stared in quiet befuddlement. The male members of the class were keenly interested in the contents of their nubile young teacher's rectum.
Mrs. Oradoor turned around, and hiked up her skirt. "Ppphhhhffffttt!! Braaapp!"
She then turned back to the class, and addressed everyone. "That's right. I've got gas... just like hydrothermal vents. My bottom is just like the ocean's bottom, get it?"
Completely missing the point of her unorthodox teaching method, John raised his hand and asked, "Can you hike up your skirt again?"
THE BEST STORY EVER WRITTEN, EVEREdit
Subtitle: lol, no, it's actually one of the worst stories ever written
HEY THERE IS A DOG NAME LEX-LIYLE. HE LIKES TO SIT IN HIS DOG HOUSE AND EAT TREATS. YUM YUM YUM YUMMY YUM
THE BEST STORY EVER EVER EVER EVER EVEREdit
THERE WAS A DUDE NAMED RUSS
HE NEVER CUSSED
HE WAS SHARP LIKE IN ARROW IN WORD AND DRESS
HE ROCKED EVERYTHING
The Most Boring Story Ever WrittenEdit
Once upon a time.... .... once upon a time.... bla bla bla bla bla bla bla... Then some other stuff happened...
Then there was a guy (human) and he was going to tell a boring story. It went something like:
Bla bla bla bla bla, bla bla bla, blah blah blah blah blah. Then he got into a car and drove away. In a car during a long drive is a good place to tell a boring story because your passenger is trapped. "So the first cell formed from some chemicals. That cell begat the second cell. That cell begat the third cell. That cell begat the fourth cell. The second cell begat the fifth cell, but it was a muntant that could not begat another cell. To keep this interesting I'll not mention anymore of the dead ends. The fourth cell begat the sixth cell, which begat another cell, which begat another cell, which begat another cell, (This continues for about 500KB, for the purposes of IHBoS, I've truncated that). That went on for a while. I was born. The end.
Blah blah blah blah blah (This line repeats fifty times, for the purposes of IHBoS, I've truncated that)
the humans were fed up...
these errors in logic had all been exposed......
it was not so much that use of the drugs that was the problem... it was the ways in which they were used.... under the false pretexts in which they were used....
it was the agreed lies... and the imposed lies... that were the problem.. more the imposed lies than anything... although the agreed lies were problematic too... because the agreed lies... still.... the agreed lies still cause problems for the less powerful agree-er... eventually....
User:45581rty It is the year 3059, the Intergalactic Republican Civil War has just ended and the Loyalist faction was utterly destroyed. the winners of this bloody conflict renamed the Republic The Imperial Union. 100 years have passed since then and the Imperial Union has been locked in a titanic struggle with other universel powers who have refused the right for the Union to exist. this tale will follow the closing years of that deadly war on the side of the Union. on board one of the massive space ships that orbit the capitol of the Union the Grand Fleet Admiral is reviewing a far off battle with grim antics. on the holo panel he sees that last of his 9th Fleet destroyed. he presses a button on the control panel and an image of a man in a black robe appears. "what is the news of the 9th fleet admiral?" "it has been destroyed my lord". "very well then how long before the enemy reaches us here?" "An hour or so". " i have recalled whats left of our fleets they should be here any moment" my lord this is are last stand. i request you flee the planet before the Enemy arrives. No i will stay. if this is to be our final battle i will join it. prepare my flagship. yes sir. what is our ship count 10,000 ships sir. the enemy? around 15,000 to 20,000 thousand. suddenly the ships alarm begins to go off. enemy ships dropping out of hyperspace says the navigator. the admiral communicates with all of his ships including the emperors flagship. if this is are last stand then let it be a fight the universe wont soon forget! in the name of the Imperial Union all ships FIRE!!
(my first story hope it is not to bad)
Not all cops play nice...User:Ninteen45
It was a usual day for John Marks at the time. He was driving under the influence again, just on a road where his "Main friend" patrolled. As he was driving he was pulled over, something that never happened before unfolded with him. A different man was there, he had a uniform and badge and asked him to come out.
As John did the man hit him on the head and dragged him to his car, bound him, duct taped his mouth and threw him in the back seat. He drove him into a small house. As he woke he was being dragged into the house, where he was sat in a seat. He was awake fully, and saw the real police officer bound to a chair, his mouth sew-
Log AA-34-B DELETED. ALL DATA REMOVED FROM ARCHIVES.
F-Zero is a futuristic racing game that first came out for the Super Nintendo Entertainment System in the early nineties. It is the first game to use "Mode-7 Scrolling," which gave the game a three-dimensional feel.
Anyway, F-Zero was my first racing game; I got the game in the mid-nineties when I was about six, seven, or eight years old along with my Super Nintendo. The game was really fun and thrilling, and I liked that game very much. You could choose from four different vehicles, which were these: Blue Falcon, Golden Fox, Wild Goose, and Fire Stingray.
The Fire Stingray was my favorite machine in the game; my second favorite...
Sometime in the future, after my brother got his Nintendo 64
A Fictional Story About Jimbo WalesEdit
Jimbo Wales was sitting in the lair that Wikipedians built him laughing. "MUAHAHAHAH mUAHAHAHAHHA muHAHAHAHAHAHA"
I have cured starvation in Africaaa he thought to himself! What a brilliant Randian I am!
"HAHAHA" I Am trillion dollar owner. I have trillions of Dollars from my WIKIA Ventures!! mUAHAHAHAHAHHA"
And to THINK!?!?!? I Would have never had my trillions of dollars if it wasn't for the Follow links on Wikipedia that have been able to drive so much traffic towards Wikia! LOL he thought to himself.
"Suckers", he thought to himself
Fade to title.
Darkness, with the rumbling of a roller coaster with the screams of terrified people.
Cut to scene of Samuel L. Jefferson standing up in one of the cars, the wind whistling past his face, tossing a chicken out of the car.
Samuel L. Jefferson: Enough is enough! I've had it with these dad-blasted chickens on this dad-blasted roller coaster!
The Time Machine in the Hippie's BasementEdit
User:Emesee mars 1, 2010 23:21
Check this out man...
bizt... pop... chiook...
the hippie pressed some buttons....
The gate opened.....
he did as he was directed....
....on the other side of the gate....
was a cobble stone path...
what was the year? like 900 AD?
....the gate closed...
....another human was in sight now...
the traveler from the 21st century was surprised... incredibly...
the approaching human looked exactly like him....
it was like they had the same DNA? they were twins?
the approaching traveler was near...
the approaching traveler had never seen a mirror...
the traveler from the 21st century pulled a mirror out...
and gave it to the approaching traveler...
the approaching traveler looked then, just as surprised as the man from the 21st century...
so... umm... i am supposedly you... from the future.... the 21st century traveler said...
if you ... but reincarnated....
the both stared at eachother for a few moments.....
Jumping From Planet to PlanetEdit
User:Emesee janvier 20, 2010 02:11
CHECK IT OUT. I JUST INVENTED TECHNOLOGY TO FIRST TRANSFORM YOUR BODY INTO AN ENERGETIC LIKE SUBSTANCE AND I INVENTED TECHNOLOGY TO ALLOW YOUR ENERGY BODY TO TRAVEL AT SPEEDS FASTER THEN THE SPEED OF LIGHT ON THE PHYSICAL PLANE. I INVENTED TECHNOLOGY TO ALLOW YOUR ENERGY BODY TO PHASE INTO A PHYSICAL BODY AND GO BACK AND FORTH
that is what the computer screen read....
User:Emesee, saved by Proxima février 10, 2010 16:33
Then Jesus appeared to the ghost and the doppelganger.
"You fools" Jesus said to them both smiling and laughing. Both the ghost and the doppelganger knew the man was Jesus... It was obvious to anyone and everyone... Jesus said that it was not your time to go. Jesus then went on to explain to them both in a rather understandable way about exactly how they could un-mess-up their situation. It was clearly understandable to them both. They were both laughing to themselves after they heard what Jesus had said. It was so simple, so elegant. Jesus then said, "I'm going to raise you both from the dead and re-integrate you into yourself." He then did so, and left...
"Nice" the former ghost thought to himself.
Three Dragons, Two MonkeysEdit
This is a story by Slyhades99. It (hopefully) has some humor, fantasy and historical facts. I also didn't write it in paragraphs in my draft, so I won't here.14:57, July 22, 2011 (UTC)
One day, 3 dragons flew to China. In China, the 3 dragons met 2 Spanish monkeys. The monkeys were eating Mexican food. So the dragons decided they wanted Teryaki. When they finished, they bought plane tickets to Russia. On the plane, each dragon took 5 seats. The monkeys took 1 each. In all, they had 17 seats. Then it dawned on the dragons, they could have flown themselves to Russia! Oh well. In Russia, they met some spies who could take them to Poland, for $3,000,000. They said sure. When they arrived in Poland, they saw a newspaper that said 1939. They had gone back in time on the way to Poland! And to the day that Hitler invaded Poland. When Hitler's army came, the dragons said, "Lets burn the Nazis!" And the monkeys said, "And we'll throw poop at them." And so they did. And that is how 3 dragons and 2 monkeys stopped World War 2, around 5 years too early!
This is a story by Simsilikesims. It includes most of the weight loss tips I've read or been given at one time or another. It also contains some of my behavior and experiences from when I used to be skinny (er) in high school and college. Read it, and guess why I am not skinny, along with many others over age 40.
Everybody wants to be Skinny. Skinny looks good for the camera. Skinny doesn't eat enough. Skinny exercises constantly. Skinny likes to run and jump and climb and swim and dance and bicycle and do gymnastics or yoga or wrestling. Skinny drinks lots of water during the day. Skinny is always standing up whenever possible instead of sitting down. Other people say Skinny is beautiful. Skinny doesn't think Skinny is beautiful, because Skinny doesn't believe Skinny is good enough. Skinny would photoshop all recent pictures of Skinny if Skinny could. Skinny is mean to other people and to Skinny instead of eating Skinny's feelings. Skinny thinks fatties don't work hard enough. Skinny is always moving around. Skinny doesn't believe in comfort food. Skinny tells people Skinny hates sweets and junk food but Skinny really craves them all.the.time. Skinny is afraid of sugar and cholesterol, so reads labels before buying food products, and dreads sweets being left for Skinny at work or served at a relative's house. Skinny never finishes what is on Skinny's plate. Skinny always worries about Skinny's looks. Skinny never eats when Skinny goes on a date to a restaurant. Skinny never eats popcorn or drinks soda at the movies. Skinny takes Skinny's coffee black or not at all. Skinny never sits down to a computer for more than half an hour in Skinny's spare time. Skinny goes on a half-hour walk during the half-hour lunch break. Skinny measures all her food portion sizes and constantly counts calories. Skinny drinks nutrition drinks or energy bars instead of eating a full meal. Skinny eats fruit instead of drinking juice because the fiber fills Skinny up. Skinny doesn't eat cheese, because it contains too much fat. Skinny eats lots of celery because it is a "negative calorie" food. Skinny never eats anything after dinner, and nothing late at night except tea without sugar. Skinny always takes the stairs instead of the elevator. Skinny deliberately parks further away from the store or mall so Skinny can walk off calories. Everybody wants to be Skinny.