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Just Josh: The musicalEdit

Not to be confused with the television talk show of the same name. Just Josh is a romantic musical comedy featuring just the music and lyrics of Josh Woodward, and none other. Indeed, thirteen songs from one alubm, "Sunny side of the street" are in the story. His extra-ordinary vision and generosity in making the songs available is legendary. Not only that, but there are instrumental backing tracks under the same creative commons 3.0 attribution only license at www.joshwoodward.com.  His career is an incredible one and this writing is a tribute and a dedication to that incredible man and wonderful musician. To "Josh" means to fool around, and this light-hearted sense is also deliberate. The play is intended for  community theatre and educational institutions to perform publicly with vocal covers to accompany the instrumentals. A traditional one act play has a duration about twenty minutes. The songs provide about half an hour of music, so the intention of my incidental writing is to provide enough filling to make up another act. A two act musical is unusual, but this structure allows later lengthening (CC-BY writing being a very flexible art). The lead role is strictly fictional and I have used the name 'Josh' for the purpose of continuity with the title only.

Some element of the story readers may find confronting. Obviously I am not writing for commercial gain so I am not bound by the same constraints as other theatre hacks. A fifth of Americans live in poverty, a fact which is reflected in Josh and Joe's circumstances. I hope to show how oppressive copyright law can be when mis-used for unscrupulous purposes. It has been tempting to place an apologist stance behind the irreverent outlook found in the lyrics, but this is off-set by the ethics of his music, a shining example of humanistic tolerance.

Writing around existing songs has been a welcome challenge. Baba ganoush is redundant to the story and the lyrics are not suitable for minors in educational purposes. Josh has so many tracks,  I confined writing to a small sample. With big production theatre numbers in mind, I selected only the most ebullient album. Also tempting was the option to change the words, eg. to remove Americanisms to broaden the appeal to an international audience, but I wanted to use the original lyrics, so that listeners need make no adjustment to the songs they find on his website. I wanted more opportunity for female characters to sing, but the songs on this album are gender specific.

LicenseEdit

Please give credit in this way.

"Just Josh" (2013) by Hamish Darby featuring music and lyrics by Josh Woodward, issued under Creative Commons 3.0 Unported Attribution Only License https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0

SettingEdit

Act One: A cheap lodging house (trailer park) in Kilkenny, Ireland with reference to Josh's home being Findlay, united states.  Located close to fast food outlets.

Act Two:  A fast food restaurant named Kilkenny Kwik Kale which prepares mutton and parmagiana pattie sandwiches, served in a baked roll flecked with kale (Irish Spinach) . Margaritaville is a fictional place in the same location that appears in dreams, or like Brigadoon, only after the third bottle is uncorked.

CharactersEdit

Josh - a musician wanted for breech of copyright.

Joe - Josh's alter ego, comic sidekick and Josh's manager (shares accomodation with Josh) infatuated with Violet.

Violet -  Josh's sister,  a sensuous but emotionally cold beauty. In love with Snooter.

Jasmine - a Kwik Kale cheeseburger waitress

Sherry - a Kwik Kale cheeseburger waitress from a former french colony. Speaks english as a second language.

Charlene McGray -  Lay minister and music teacher, who discovered Josh's musical talent but dumped him for being left handed. Josh's juvenile paragon on whom he had a crush. Resident in Findlay. Not harmed in the making of this musical.

'Baba' Ganesh  - a fast food restauranteur and coffee tycoon (Misnamed in honour of the unused song from the same album). His catering chain Kwik Kale has franchise branches in Singapore and Switzerland.

Snooter - a copyright / copyfraud entrepreneur.

Hank Williams (died 1950) Chosen at random as a famous dead musician. Known for singing "My bucket's got a hole in it" among other hits. He was an illiterate alcoholic with a talented tee-total African-American side-kick Rufus "Tee Tot" Payne. The story is fictional and no offence is intended against either of the deceased.

SongsEdit

All songs and instrumental tracks found here

  • Talk about your feelings  - man to woman, let me sleep
  • Bonjour mon amie - man to woman French fascination
  • chainsaw - Charlene and parents get cut-off
  • I hate you - left hand hate mail
  • She's on my mind - Joe obsesse about Violet
  • Snooter - character with a copyright entrepreneurs indifference
  • Brown Boxes - ballad about failing to unpack (or move on emotionally)
  • Up Kilkenny - sport anthem. Sherry's song.
  • Coffee - everyday  upbeat. Jasmines number.
  • Fast Food Fantasy - greasy man to woman love song. Josh to Jasmine.
  • Are you having fun - insomnia. Josh while Joe is dating Sherry.
  • A song - the closing anthem. Of ourselves we sing
  • Cheapskate romantic - Joe courts Violet with empty promises
  • Violet wants it her way - Josh warning about his sister
  • Baba ganoush - the juvenile jingle that catches on

Meta storyEdit

Act OneEdit

Josh and Joe are fugitives on the run. They are unhappily and temporarily settled in Kilkenny, at a lodging organized by Josh's cosmopolitan sister, Violet. Josh has recorded a track his mother taught him. Joe has been charged with copyright breech for selling the song online. They are hoping that they can evade extradition to america by hiding in Ireleands grrner patures and lax european union intellectual property arrangements.

At the curtain rise, Josh is discovered playing a song "Brown Boxes". Josh refers to his guitar as his existential chainsaw (music consumes him and cuts him from dischordant reality)  Joe warns him to stop dwelling on Charlene. Josh responds with "She's on my mind" but guiltily admits he hid a fast food addiction from Charlene.

Vilolet visits and Joe is thunderstruck by her beauty. Violet and Josh are left alone long enough for Violet to reveal she had been seeing Snooter, the man who is suing the boys on copyright charges. Josh explains Snooters character with the song of that name. Violet is initially interested in Joe and leads him along. Josh warns him that his sister "Violet wants it her way". Joe and Violet go out on a date.

Josh finds he cannot sleep. Charlene rings but Josh finds he is uneasy with his old flame. He sings "Talk about your feelings" and she chastises his coldness.   Later in the morning Charlene dumps him by fax and he commiserates with Joe, Joe makes light of his friends seperation by singing her dear john letter "I hate you".

Joe returns from the date with the news that he has been repulsed. Violet has called him a "Cheapskate romantic".

Act two.Edit

The following day, the boys visit a mediterrainian restaurant to buy coffee and sing "Coffee". They decide on ganoush and score a job. Baba overhears their song about coffee and asks them to write a jingle for the ganoush franchise. Joe meets Sherry and sings to her "Bonjour Mon Amie". Sherry suggests a celebration of the local sports victory and they all step out together. As they celebrate Sherry sings "Up Kilkenny". Until the grub runs out, then they all go to Margarita-ville.

Josh has a lonely moment and sings "Are you having fun" when Sherry and Joe get all smoochy. Sherry introduces them to a friend of hers, Jasmine, at a fast food joint.  Josh falls for Jasmine, the counter girl. Josh finds his cosmic home in Jasmine as he sings "Fast Food Fantasy" and Jasmine reciprocates.

Violet and Baba appear at the fast food outlet. Violet carries the news that their ganoush contract has gone viral. Baba is a forward thinker who wants to fund musical commons on the ganoush theme.

Things get better still. Violet's former beau, Snooter, has lost the case against them, in fact; the court has awarded them damages, because Snooter has been fraudulently collecting royalties for a song. The family song which Josh's mother sold to Hank Williams is little known. Nevertheless it had fallen into the public domain some years before.  Josh's own mother has a song in the public domain? We are who we are and (Closing theme) It's just "a song" . . . .

ScenesEdit

Act OneEdit

Brown BoxesEdit

Time: Morning

Setting: A faded trailer home. (American audiences will understand that trailer parks are the high density dwelling for those in poverty. Realistically, few people dwell in trailer-homes during an Ireland winter. A dingy single room in a tenement or pension building is ideal.) 

As the Curtain rises, Josh is discovered in semi-darkness wearing pyjamas and perched on a cardboard box, he is rummaging through another box as he sings the opening theme "Brown boxes". As he sings, he is searching for breakfast, but finds nothing palatable. He taps a large box with his toe as he mentions magazines, with two smaller [empty] boxes on top of it, in a cardboard pyramid. A row of boxes is stacked along the back of the room. Joe is out of sight behind these, asleep.

http://www.joshwoodward.com/song/BrownBoxes

Brown boxes in the living room
My life is in a never-ending state of this old transition
I got 'em piled up high in the corner of the kitchen
And I'm itchin' just to find a little bit of unpacked nutrition
All this crap I've accumulated and I've waited for a place
That's big enough to fit it into
Onward, upward, running with a new herd
Too small, U-Haul, gotta get it transferred
Packing and I'm stacking and I'm making all my crap fit
Gotta shove it all into, Brown Boxes
I got 25 lbs of long-grain rice
And some cereal I bought when I was in California
Don't try to lift that box over there,
It's full of old magazines, I just thought I'd warn ya
Onward, upward, running with a new herd
Too small, U-Haul, gotta get it transferred
Packing and I'm stacking and I'm making all my crap fit
Gotta fit it all into, brown boxes
I got pants I ain't seen since 6 sizes back
I got piles of unmatched socks, so I just throw 'em on the stack
I got boxes that were not unpacked
Since the last time that I moved, in fact
And they'll probably never gonna see the light of day
And they'll probably never gonna see the light of day
Maybe I should just have a garage sale
Maybe I should live a life of simpler existence
But you never know when you'll need this stuff
So I always take the path of least resistance
Cuz the new place gotta lotta room in the garage
And I sure hate to unpack
I think I might just save some time
And leave all of it stacked
In brown boxes
Brown boxes


Josh.   (looking about himafter song) It seemed like such a good idea at the time. Move away from the United States and see the world. We came here to get away and bought our world with us (nuding a box, long pause) We came here to Ireland to get ourselves together. We came to Kilkenny for a fresh start as a performers in the worlds quaintest bars. But what have we actually managed to accomplish since we got here? Not much!   I need to start looking for a job. Wheres that Kilkenny classified gone? (Spies the heavy box, crosses and performs a visual gag. Josh places smallest empty box beside stack, places next empty box on top and then lifts heavy box with fingers over sides to hold box together, places heavy box on both, leaning on the resulting stack to make the lower boxes collapse as they take the weight. Then, as though anxious to see the damage, Josh lifts the heavy box again, this time without his fingers over the lower seam, so the bottom of the box falls open and magazines tumble out)

Joe (his arm shoots up above boxes at this second loud noise) What? What's all the noise?

Josh. There you are Joe!

Joe. Who is making such noise on the Sabbath, disgraceful.

Josh. What sabbath? Today's Thursday.

Joe. Only by a heathen scientific calender. I am trying to sleep. Do you have to make so much noise?

Josh. Why are you sleeping out here on the floor again. You don't have to provide security in your sleep, with your goods all the time.

Joe. Actually, I was sleeping on them. This row of boxes is my bed. I fell out of bed.

Josh. Sleeping on boxes of computer gear? You would be better off on the floor.

Joe. (raising one leg to visibility above the boxes.) That's how I voted, too.

Josh. I am sure there is a democratic principal to uphold here. . .You need more than one person to have a vote on anything, including on where to sleep. Did you know, your stocking's got a hole in it.

Joe. (sings to the tune of Hank Williams 'My Buckets got a hole in it') "My stockings got a hole in it" (Annoyed) I voted, alright!

Josh. One vote in favour of discomfort?

Joe. I put it to the floor. The unanimous decision was slammed against me with great gravity. the vote was hard but unrelenting. I think my hips are frozen and my back aches.

Josh. That song, 'My stocking has a hole in it' . . . That song my mother sang. That's what got us into this mess. I just sang it now in my head.

Joe. I wonder if we can be sued for an illegal thought broadcast. How do you stop people from singing aloud?

Josh. I am sure there is a tier of performance rights you can pay for bopping at traffic lights.

Joe. I wonder if anybody has been sued for taking a bath with the window open.

Josh. Have you seen my guitar?

Joe. Chainsaw?

Josh. Yes, my guitar named chainsaw, have you seen it?

Joe. (arm indicates vaguely) Look under . .

Josh. Under where?

Joe (laughing, taunts) I made you say it. Underwear !

Josh (pulls guitar out and sniffs it suspiciously) You don't mean real underwear? Not on my chainsaw? (hugs guitar) precious baby chainsaw !

Joe. (sitting up) The show must go on, or the shower must go on, at least. Don't be a wet blanket, Josh, and rain on my paradie. We were sued because we copied a famous song. We breeched the copyright on a famous song and we got caught.

Josh. We never sold an album.

Joe. We both know that's beside the point. We posted it for sale and we made money from it, It was illegal and wrong. It wasn't ours. It's wrong to use other peoples stuff.

Josh. Except their squeezy sponge and car shampoo?

Joe. Are you job hunting again?

Josh. We drank the rent.

Joe. We'll get a gig, relax.

Fosh. I have a new song, wanna hear it?

Joe. Is there anything you don't sing about?

Josh. I don't sing about dentists or marmalade, wana hear it? it's an air. You like airs. It's a latin air about a hat.

Joe. Is it sad?

Josh. It's a little sombre.

Joe. A sombre air. Oh. [Sombrero]

Josh. (laughing) Ole! Are you hungry yet.

Joe. I can't take jokes like that on an empty stomach, what do Irish people eat for breakfast?

Josh. Baked Porridge, but what are we going to eat, we have no money?

Joe. Starvation. At least it will be an American lack of food that kills us.

Josh. How patriotic. Charlene would have something to eat.

Joe. Charlene is thousands of miles [kilometres]  away and she decided not to join us while we are fugitives hiding in Ireland. I can't imagine why she would turn down desperate immigration against a stack of pancakes.

Josh. She didn't break the law, we did.

Joe. I hope she calls tonight. I miss home.

Joe. I'm hungry

Josh. My mother sold that song. Have I ever told you the story? Would you like to hear it?

Joe. I'm still hungry. Go on.

Josh. My mother made up songs. There were six kids in the house. We called her the radio, because at that time we couldn't afford one. The smallest kid used to twiddle her belly button, when we wanted some music and she never failed to produce a tune. She sang recipes and homework as though they were Opry.

Joe. No copyright on recipes.

Josh. Is that why there are so much cookery bookery?

Joe.  Just millions of dollars worth.  Finish your story.

Josh. She sang for Rufus, too. Rufus Payne was an old guy who lived nearby. He loved to hear her sing. He said it was the nectar of the human condition, and she was the nectarine. One day it all changed.

Joe. What happened?

Josh. One day he bought a song. She sang him a sould number. He asked if he could take the song as his own and she agreed.

Joe. She gave it away?

Josh. Sold it. She never sang it again.

Joe. Really?

Josh. (explaining) We was hungry then. Six mouths to feed. He bought her a basket of corn cobs.

Joe. She sold her soul for a bushel of maize?

Josh. She kept us going, the only way she could.

Joe. And gave up her passion to a diabolical grocer?

Josh. (reasoning) Joe, he was black. Rufus was black. He was hungry, too. He didn't want the music for himself. He was a musician enough to recognize her talent. I suppose I should be grateful for that. Genetic flattery. He sold on the music to a big star, and that's why we are being sued. I broadcast a song that was already recorded by someone else and that was a breech of the stars copyright. (remorseful) I just forgot where it came from. . .  I'm sorry I got you mixed up in all this, Joe.

Joe. Whoah! Easy boy! You musicians are always so temperamental and sentimental. I feel sorry for a soul brother I never met. And all before ten o'clock. It wasn't your fault. It's a good thing interpol doesn't care about car washers and bar bands, or our cover would be blown by your twang on my heart strings (long pause). . . . I'm still hungry.

Josh. That Rufus Payne. He came back often. He bought plenty of corn in those days. To hear my mother and Rufus play together, you would think they were lovers.

Joe. A duet.

Josh. Harmony

Joe. Corn. Pop corn. I'm hungry. (sings) "My stomach's got a hole in it"

Josh. Charlene gave me back that memory. I was nothing without Charlene. She found my mojo and woke it up. I had forgotten all about that song until I found the ultimate music teacher.

Joe. And tease.

Josh. I hope she rings. We can meet up again some day, when all this is over.

Joe. She knew you were leaving and stayed put.

Josh. Charlene is too mature and sensible for running from the law. She will wait for me.

Joe. Reverend Charlene is mature, or you could say old. Charlene is a freak. You are worth ten of her. You could have any girl. You need a young chikita to send the blood back to your heart and stop your brain being so engorged.

Josh. I have to admit it looks bad.

Joe. didn't she always skype you while she was in the shower?

Josh. She was squeaky clean.

Joe. Soapy . . .  suds  . . . .obsessive nut-case, you mean. She is a freak!

She's on my mindEdit

Josh is feeling homesick and longs for his first love, Charlene McGray.

Joe. I gots me a big idea.

Josh. Oh.

Joe. Wanna hear it?

Josh. Do you want something to eat?

Joe. Are you changing the subject?

Josh. No. When I asked you if you wanted something to eat, I made a sentence about Joe the subject in the question. The subject remains unchanged and I remain uninformed. What about it? Wanna eat?

Joe. Shifty back-slider, aren't you? Too clever for your waffle-irons. What have we got to eat anyway?

Josh. Use your noodle.

Joe. Not noodles again!

Josh. No. Beans.

Joe. You, sir, are a god! Where. . . how did you get beans?

Josh. Traded my silver plectrum.

Joe. No.

Josh. Yes.

Joe. No. Charlene gave that plectrum to you.

Josh. Charlene gave me much more. She gave me myself in some ways. She put us on the map. We can't sell the computers. These servers will be in use again one day. We are going to clear our name and when that happens we need the effects and mixers and the servers to send our music to the world.

Joe. Your music. I do coffee and total lifestyle inventory coaching.

Josh. You are the best, but we have to eat. I sold the plectrum and I am not sorrry.

Joe. You are sorry

Josh. Are not.

Joe. Are too

Josh. not

Joe. (Imitating an android) Are too dee too

Josh. You got me, trekkie. I sold the plectrum, not my girlfriend.

Joe. Girlfriend? Is that what she is? I never heard you call her that before. Did you kiss?

Josh. It's not that kind of love. She taught me every thing I know. Charlene taught me the chords, taught me to read music, taught me how to be a musician. She made me.

Joe. I didn't know she was that special. How do you know her feelings? Did you ever talk about this?

Josh. Yes. No. I don't know. We didn't need to talk, we just . . . played.

Joe. She never came to any of your performances.

Josh. She was very busy with her youth group.

Joe. Sunday school?

Josh. Sometimes it was on Sunday. Good kids, A little . . . naive sometimes. Look, Charlene changed their lives. She changed my life.

Joe. I can't beleive this. I thought she was your music teacher. Do you think this might be the sort of thing you could discuss with your manager? Student abuse. It is unethical behaviour to cross professional boundaries with your pupils.

Josh. Hang on! She never touched me. She was an angel. She loved me. She wanted us to have a baby.

Joe. Pffft. What? (long pause) what happened?

Josh. Her parents. They didn't approve.

(JOSH sings "Chainsaw") http://www.joshwoodward.com/song/Chainsaw

Sweet Charlene McGray
Pretty as a posie in the springtime
She would twirl around all day
Get dizzy and she'd fall down in a haze

    And the country breeze passed slowly as I went to her
    I knocked upon her solid wooden door
    But her father, he just looked at me and said "leave or I'll call the law"
    So I cut her pa in half with a chainsaw

She always had a way 
Of giving all the neighbor boys sensations
They would close their eyes and pray
That their Christian God would lead them from temptation

    But her mama didn't want that girl to grow up
    And end up with a heathen like myself
    Well, she always tried to tell Charlene about my little flaws
    So I cut her ma in half with a chainsaw

And now sweet Charlene McGray
She's all mine, there's nothing to divide us
On that sunny day in May
It was time to ask that girl to be my bride

    So I got down on one knee and took her finger
    And I said to her, "Charlene, will you be mine?"
    But she just kept complaining that I killed her ma and pa
    So I cut Charlene in half with a chainsaw

Vilolet visitsEdit

(offstage loud knocking at external door)

Josh. (whispering) The cops! We're done for.

Joe. There's no back door.

Josh, Hide!

(JOSH and JOE run around a semi-circle each and collide, with a bit of practise, their arms flail, breast-bones will meet without injury and heads not collide. Together ecxclaim "Ouch")

Josh. I know. Joe, climb out the window. If everything is safe, I will meet you at the Kilkenny Karaoke and Kale in five minutes.

Joe. I will take your jacket, It's cold outside.

Josh. If I am not there in s few minutes . . .

Joe. (As he mounts the window pane) I know, I'll run like a mermaids masscara. Good luck brother.

Josh. (as the knock is repeated) Who's  there?

Violet (offstage, imperiously) Josh let me in, it's freezing out here.

Josh. Do you have a warrant? What's your name, rank and serial number.

Violet (bemused) That's prisoners of war, idiot. It's your sister, Violet. May I please come in.

Josh (opening door) Violet! I thought I would never see family again. Please come in. How are you?

(Josh opens door. Enter VIOLET looking well preserved but dressed younger. A beauty whose looks are overdue to fade.)

Violet. I'm fine. (looking around) I have no reason to ask how you are. What a dump! I'm sorry about this.

Josh. Is the landlady still dead? Has the family decided how to split the estate? Do we still have false identities? Violet, I don't know how you did any of this, but you must know we are truly very grateful.

Violet. All that was easy once you made it to France. I was very worried we might not get you out of the United States.

Josh. You look fantasitic, have you lost weight.

Violet. Better. I met someone.

Josh. Really? Sorry, Violet, I am not being a very good host. There really is nowhere to sit down. Would you like a warm guiness or some cold shamrock curry.

Violet. No thanks.

Josh. So, tell me the news. Who is the new fellow?

Violet. Oh, Josh he is wonderful. I think he knows you.

Josh. (alarmed) Not a cop, is he?

Violet. No! He is a a publisher I think. Something like that. We have only just got together.

Josh. I am guessing he is not a typical book-worm if you find him interesting.

Violet. Books? Sure you just josh. He is a glamour puss recording publisher from the music industry. A star like you. I got some of his CD in the car.

Josh. Music? which record label?

Violet. There must be hundreds of them. Are you connected with them all?

Josh. Actually (deciding whether to elaborate)  there are only three. There are countless sponsors, but only three major distributors left in the global market. I thought everybody knew that, but that's another story. What's his name?

Violet (swooning at the mention) Snooter.

Josh. What?

Violet. Snooter

Josh (non-plussed) Wh. . . . I. . . . You. . . You're kidding. Joe and I. . . Joe. . .  .We do know him. There is something I should mention. (slight pause) Look, I threw Joe out the window when you arrived. We haven't had any breakfast. We thought you were the cops. I had better go and get him and tell him it's alright.

Violet. Josh, you're hiding something. I can sense it. What can you tell me about Snooter?

(JOSH sings "Snooter" while VIOLET listens. Initially she refuses to accept what he is saying, but as the song progresses, she starts to soften.) http://www.joshwoodward.com/song/Snooter

Snooter don't care what you ate for dinner
Snooter don't care if you're not a winner, no
He just snoots

Snooter don't care what you tip your waiter
Snooter don't care if you're a player hater, no
He just snoots

Snooter don't care what you think about him
Snooter don't care that you sometimes doubt him
He just snoots, and snoots, and snoots
And snoots and snoots and snoots

Snooter don't care how you take your coffee
Snooter don't care that you love Ghadafi, no
He just snoots

Snooter don't care that you ride a scooter
Snooter won't mess with your new computer, no
He just snoots

Snooter won't do the things you ask
Cuz he never learned how to multitask
He just snoots, and snoots, and snoots
And snoots and snoots and snoots

Snooter don't know what you did last summer
Snooter don't care that your life's a bummer, no
He just snoots

Snooter don't care about your date last fall
Snooter don't care about your blow-up doll
He just snoots, and snoots, and snoots
And snoots and snoots and snoots


Violet. Here (offering banknotes) get something to eat. I'll put the kettle on and wait for you.

Josh. (taking money and backing out the window) Thanks, I won't be long. . . . .There is something you should know about my flat-mate.

Violet. WHat's that?

Josh. Joe will probably tell you that he dreamed about you last night. He is a nice guy around women, just a bit awkward. He likes to site horoscopes about girls he likes. It makes him feel connected. If he does it, he is just being friendly. He's a Leo. Just ignore it.

Violet. OK (ong pause - deep sigh) Snooter! ( drops her handbag and removes scarf, spots something on a letter on a nearby box and picking it up reads aloud) Snooter ! (claps hand over her mouth) Oh, Snooter!

(There is a loud knock at the door and the head of JOE appears around the door)

Violet wants it her wayEdit

Joe. Hello? (tentatively) Josh? (VIOLET turns and JOE starts, to VIOLET) Josh?

Violet. Hello, you must be. . . .

Joe. (appraising her) Well hello there!

Violet. Hello. You must be Joe.  (Walking to kitchen alcove) I was just about to put on the kettle, would you like a cup of tea? Josh has told me a lot about you. . .

Joe. Aye. Did he just? (Surveying room in flustered manner, suddenly decisive, he squirts deodorant under arms, hides girly magazine, sweeps dirt under a brown box) Do you know something?

Violet. Do tell?

Joe. I am not surprised to find you here.

Violet. You certainly looked surprised, you ran out the window.

Joe. I had a dream last night that my life was changed. I think we have met before.

Violet. Last night was Wednesday. Your life has changed to Thursday.

Joe. You were in my dream. I believe we have met before, in another life, on another plane.

Violet. Was the Hindenberg a plane?   You are a Leo, aren't you?

Joe. Oh my goodness! How did you know?

Violet. I'm an Aquarian.

Joe (aside to audience) A perfect match! How can I approach this divine lady, sent by prophecy?

Violet. What are you doing tonight?

Joe. Pardon?

Violet. I just discovered which male semi- person is suing both you and my brother for intellectual theft.

Joe. theft?

Violet. Intellectual property is stuff like songs, yeah?

Joe. Yes, but if you copy a song, the defendants intellect is left intact.

Violet. Clever boy. What are you doing tonight?

Joe. (faking disinterest) I'm pretty busy.

Violet. Going out?

Joe. Yes.

Violet. With me?

Joe. I . . .guess

Violet. Pick you up at seven tonight. I need a handsome lad to take my mind off my terrible choice in men.

Joe. If you got terrible choice in men, then I am your man.

Violet. Good that's settled, see you tonight.  (Collecting her belongings VIOLET sweps out again, leaving Joe dazzled and starstruck. exit VIOLET, enter JOSH by the window.)

Josh. Violet, there's something else I should tell you about Snooter.....Violet?

Joe. She just left.

Josh. I bought her a mint bagel.

Joe. Mint?

Josh. Ireland. Everything's green.

Joe. Bagel?

Josh. Even kosher food can be green.

Joe. Sounds revolting. Anyway, she's gone, but she's coming back tonight at seven.

Josh. Great, I'll get a chance to catch up at last.

Joe. She did a great job getting our sea container here. You're not coming.

Josh. She is unstoppable. What?

Joe. We have a date.

Josh. No!

Joe. You could be a little happy for us.

Josh. You can't go. I will stop her.

Joe. She is unstoppable.

Josh. Joe. I need to protect you.

Joe. Likely story She is the girl Aquarian and I am your flatmate, who needs protecting? You do, Josh!

Josh. You don't know her, you don't understand.

(JOSH sings "Violet wants it her way" and JOE listens to his advice. He is unmoved but listens until the end.)

http://www.joshwoodward.com/song/VioletWantsItHerWay

Violet wants it her way, her way or the highway
She'll never stay, she's on her way
Violet's going home

Well, Violet is a pretty girl - her legs are long and her hair is curled
And her smile's been known to make grown men go stupid
But if you look below the skin and find out where that lady's been
You'll be sure to stay the Hell away from Cupid

[chorus]

Back in time, when this story began, and Violet found herself a man
Who wouldn't try to boss that girl around
She got bored of being adored and decided that he was a spineless nerd
She kicked that guy right out on the ground

[chorus]

Billy was a football jock, who really had a massive clock
She threw him out because it ran too quick
Skip was just a good ol' guy, they fell in love in mid-July
She got rid of him in August because his name was... Skip.

[chorus]

She's an outlaw but she's never been arrested
She'll chew you up and spit you out, before ya've been digested

Well, don't you try to fix that chick cuz she's got a bag that's full of tricks
So what the Hell, you might as well, just leave that girl in her place
Cuz Violet knows just what to do, when you try to tighten up her screws
She'll reach inside her purse and grab her mace.. MY FACE!

[chorus]

Talk about your feelingsEdit

Joe. I propose a rational test.

Josh. Golly Gee Jeepers. The voice of sense rings out. Do tell?

Joe. If I still like her after our date, I'm keeping her.

Josh. Human bodies are more like waves than objects, did you know that?

Joe. (yawns, rising) I am waving good night. Sleep tight. Don't let the leperachauns surf on your wave tonight.

(Exit JOE. JOSH is left sitting by himself and starts preparing for bed. The phone rings.JOSH answers and the following conversation takes place with CHARLENE offstage. An optional extra may appear as though in a dream sequence during the song)

Charlene. Hello

Josh. Hello, hey!

Charlene. Sorry, It's late over there. I am calling from work. How are you?

Josh. Going to bed.

Charlene. You said it was alright to call. Do you want to talk about it?

Josh. No. I mean, I don't know what to say. I don't know anything any more. I just need to wake up and find everything better.

Charlene. Can I help? Tell me more.

Josh. (hesitates) I think I had better just go to bed.

(JOSH elaborately prepares himself for bed, changing shirt and plumping pillows, setting alarm and so forth while he sings "Talk about your feelings" eventually hangs up and lies down) http://www.joshwoodward.com/song/TalkAboutYourFeelings

I wanna sleep, you wanna chat
You wanna talk about the thisses and the thats
oh no.. oh no..
The lights are out, I'm getting cozy when you
turn to me and tell me you're not trying to nosy
but you wanna know the things that i am thinking all about in my head,
I'm dead

    i get the feeling that i'm gonna have a sleepless night ahead
    all this touchy-feely crap and it's just in time for bed

    you say to open up, and that emotions run so deep
    you say to talk about my feelings
    but i'm feeling that i wanna shut up and sleep

I'm a guy, I don't know why you think I'm
always overflowing and I'm throwing all my feelings away
a-hey-hey-hey

you fit me like a GLOVE you know i don't THINK that i'm abOVE you
and... you know i love you and i'm always thinking of you
but i'm feeling like i oughtta just shove you on the bedroom floor

    [chorus]

I hate youEdit

(Lights down. Sound of cat fight and clock ticking as night passes. Next morning lights up half with yellow tint. The phone rings again and a loud facsmilie transmission sound is heard. Enter JOE with a fax in hand)

Joe. Guess what, you're dumped!

Josh. Yes and you're exhausted too, after your wave crashed.

Joe. I'm serious, look at this from Charlene.

Josh. Sorry, I'm still halff awake, is it good news?

Joe. depends on your perspective. As your manager, I will expalain it this way, your guitar has won over your serenade.

Josh. May I have a secong opinion?

Joe. Your chainsaw. Your left handed guitar playing has left you a free man, because Charlene and company could not take your honesty.

Josh. Charlene dumped me because of my music?

Joe.  Kinda. You moved on because you outgrew Charlene is more like. Your music belongs elsewhere than church my friend.

Josh. I delberately fell from grace?

Joe. Hole in one. Listen to this.

(JOE starts reading, then singing "I hate you" from the fax in hand. JOSH listens while making them both cups of morning tea.) http://www.joshwoodward.com/song/IHateYou

I hate you
Because I don't agree with what you do
Because you never seem to have a clue what's wrong or right

You disgust me
Writing with your left hand like it's right
I think you're gonna start a fight tonight, if you're not careful

    And there is only one of 10 of us that's broken
    Why can't you just use your right hand, like a normal Joe can

I hate you
Every time you're picking up a pen
You're only trying to get the childeren to copycat you

You're a sinner
The Bible spells it out in black and white
Why you think we read it from left to right, is that an accident?
   
    Cuz the scribes who wrote the bible saw the link
    The never would have let their hands get smeared up in the ink

        Some say it's genetics that makes you who you are
        They say you haven't got a choice
        But you can learn to use the chosen hand
        Sloppy writing's not the end

I hate you
You always wanna rub it in my face
All you lefties never seem to know that there's a time and there's a place

I hate you
Equal rights we'll never part
Why you think we called 'em "rights" to start with, they ain't for you

I hate you

Cheapskate romanticEdit

(The phone rings and JOSH answers. Violet has changed her mind and lets JOE down by calling him a cheapskate romatic. JOSH listens for a moment and hangs up)

Joe. Who was that?

Josh. Violet.

Joe. What did she say?

Josh. She wanted me to let you down.

Joe. Let me down gently? She changed her mind already?

Josh. Just let you down, gently or otherwise. I did warn you.

Joe. What? Why? This can't be happening. We just met, can I talk to her.

Josh. Trust me it;s better this way. Let it go.

Joe. Why?

Josh. Another offer.

Joe. I offered her --

Josh. An offer with more money.

Joe. Oh, that?

Josh. Yes that

Joe. The financial consideration never goes away does it.

Josh. You need to face facts, you are a cheapskate romantic.

Joe. Really?

(JOSH sings "Cheapskate romantic" while Joe hides cash in his sock. Shakes out his empty wallet and everts pockets. JOE shrugs and accepts the definition of his love misfortune.)http://www.joshwoodward.com/song/CheapskateRomantic

http://www.joshwoodward.com/song/CheapskateRomantic

leave way, the cheapskate romantic
and his homies are in town again
step back, never gonna let him
steal your heart away again
never know where you fall
never know where you fall, never
    cheapskate romantic
    is never going to set you free
make out, all the little secrets and
the stories that he told to you
lose out, trying just to find out
where the power slipped away from you
never know where you fall
never know where you fall, never
    cheapskate romantic
    is never going to set you free
take out, all the little pictures
of the pretty girls in magazines
they can't know about the problems
in the pages of your history
never gonna let him call
never gonna let him call, ever
    cheapskate romantic
    is never going to set you free
    cheapskate romantic

CURTAIN

Act two.Edit

CoffeeEdit

There is a large sign above the scene, saying Kilkenny Kwik Kale: Home of the emerald burger. (As the curtin rises, JASMINE is discovered at the counter of the Kilkenny Kwik Kale Fast slouched on her elbow, checking her email on a mobile communications device. As she reads, an alarm sounds and she begins to prepare coffee.  As she does so, her friend SHERRY enters the shop and pulls her hair into a net bag and dons an apron, preparing to take over the shop.)

Sherry. (To Jasmine) Thanks for doing my shift, honey. Have you been busy.

Jasmine. Just steady. Have you seen the new advertisement?

Sherry. What advertisement?

Jasmine. Our boss - -

SHerry. Baba Ganesh, our sweet Indian employer. Let's us swap shifts? What about him?

Jasmine. Yes, him. Baba Ganesh. Baba found a couple of boys to sing a new jingle for the chain. It is a classy act.

Sherrry. Not the guy in the Rabbit suit again.

Jasmine. Hare. It's a Hare, It's a fast Texas prairie animal that repesents Findlay Fast!

Sherry. That guy.

Jasmine. No. It's a new clip. It's a very professional shoot. The guy who sings it is such a hunk. I wish I could meet him. It is a really cool song. It's about coffee. (she takes of her apron and checks her face in a compact)

Sherry. I could use a coffee right now. You . . . You're going to sing me a daggy song about fast coffee, aren't you.

(JASMINE prepares and serves SHERRY's coffee while singing "Coffee". SHERRY sits and slumps as though falling asleep as the song enters the lullaby sequence and JASMINE gently wakes her and directs her toward the coffee, gesticulating toward her email as she sings about work.)[http:// http://www.joshwoodward.com/song/Coffee http://www.joshwoodward.com/song/Coffee]

A cup of coffee in the morning and I get the paper
I check the headlines and decide that I am bored
I check my email and decide to answer later
Another cup of coffee and I drag myself to work
     My life is grounded in a firm routine
     Of coffee sleep and work
     I am not boring, I just stick to what I know
I'm sitting there at work and I realized I forgot to  wake up
Can't be productive when I'm dreaming 'bout a  sheep
I go upstairs and get myself another cup of coffee
I get downstairs and then I spill it on the floor
     My life is grounded in a firm routine
     Of coffee sleep and work
     I am not boring, I just stick to what I know
(solo)
Rockabye baby, on the tree top
Lunch hour's over, and I can't stay up
I wanna drink coffee, but that's a mistake
I best switch to decaf or I'll stay awake
     My life is grounded in a firm routine
     Of coffee sleep and work
     I am not boring, I just stick to what I know

Bonjour Mon AmieEdit

Joe meets Sherry and sings to her "Bonjour Mon Amie". Sherry enters carrying a tray on which she lays out a salt shaker and napkin dispenser or two. Sherry see Josh and Joe from the corner of her eye. Sherry collects her order pad, realizing that customers are waiting for service.

Joe. (Asking for service, but struck speechless as Sherry turns to face him for the first time) Please. Pleasey prett . . .

Josh. Pretty please.

Joe. With a Cherry on top

Sherry. Sherry

Josh. I beg your pardon, Sorry?

Sherry (spelling) S-H-E-R-R-Y. Your words. Pretty please avec un Sherry . . . on top, no?

Joe. No (With JOSH nodding yes)

Joe. A french name. Sherry.

Josh. I love your accent. What part of France are you from?

Sherry. Paris, near the tower.

Josh. The tower? What tower? Do they have water towers in Paris? I thought they drank wine . . .

Joe. (starts walking an places one foot in frount of the other performing business of a clumsy trip) I fell [Eiffel] I have been there.  .  . on a  . . . tower-ist visa.

Sherry. (bashful, taking notepad in non-dominant hand and twirling apron around her finger, pivots on one foot) funny tourist man . .

Joe. (aside to Josh) I am the east and Sherry is the sun (to Sherry) What light from yonder servery breaks?

Sherry. Pardon moi ?

Josh (retreating) It means he likes you.

Joe. (taking Sherry's hands and leading her to the table, seating her) Would you mind if I just stare at your eyes for a little longer

Sherry. (Batting her lids heavily) Is there a problem avec my eyes? Your eyes are . .

Joe. Bloodshot, but they could look at yours all day. Where have you been all my life?

Sherry. Paris.

Joe. That was a terrible line.

Sherry. I have heard better. I like to hear you talking. Try another line.

Joe. Marry me.

Sherry (springing up) The tables must getting laid !!!

Joe. You are a dream-boat. I love you. Don't leave. What did I say.

Sherry. You say a lot. You say too sudden. I scared from you serious mister tourist fellow. (moving away to collect her tray) Keep talking. I like you talking. You talk . . .I go.

(Exit SHERRY with tray)

Joe sings http://www.joshwoodward.com/song/BonjourMonAmie

Bonjour, mon amie
The sweetest thing to hit Paris
Would you spend a little time with me today
Bonjour, ma cherie
I love it when you talk to me
Though I don't understand a single word you say
Your accent sounds so bourgeoisie to a hick like me from Tennessee
But you make me feel just like a million Francs
It's like money in the bank
Bonjour, mon amie
Would you give me back my joie de vivre
And just let me bid adeiu to lonely days
Bonjour, ma cherie
The time for love is aujourd'hui
I wanna see just what a French kiss oughtta be
So maybe I can't parlez vous francais... just take me anyway
We both can speak the language of love
So let's get this conversation on the road
Bonjour, mon amie
You shouldn't slap my face, you see
In America, that means that you are mad
You show me where to find the door
I guess that's what they call "l'amour"
So for now it's just adeiu to mon amie
So for now it's just adeiu to mon amie


ENTER Sherry, SHERRY rapidly crosses stage removing apron and throws herself into Joe's arms an kisses him.

Josh. (mock chastising Joe) Smoothy.

Up KilkennyEdit

Sherry suggests a celebration of the local sports victory and they all step out together. As they celebrate Sherry sings "Up Kilkenny". Until the grub runs out, then they all go to Margarita-ville.

Sherry. Excuse me for being forward.

Joe. That's OK, you can reverse if you like.

Sherry. Ask me what time I get off.

Joe. What gets you off?

Sherry. Ask me politely.

Joe. What time do you finish work.

Sherry. Eight O'Clock.

Joe. Is that so. More than seven o'clock, less than nine o'clock.

Sherry. You aren't very good at this, are you?

Joe. I need practise, you are helping me.

Sherry. That's better. I'm supposed to be helping you.

Joe. Help me what?

Sherry. You're slipping again. How can we help each other, let me see? (pause) What would you like to do?

Joe. Ask you out.

Sherry. Like pulling teeth. Are you always so awkward?

Joe. Just when I am really smitten.

Sherry. Now I'm bashful. I got an idea.

Joe. I like ideas. Shall we get a drink and talk about it?

Sherry. I'm still working, but in five minutes I am stepping out to celebrate the victory of the Kilkenny Hurling Team. My friend and I are heading to the Kilkenny public bar to share the mood. There will be wild dancing and beer fuelled conversation. Do you boys wanna come along?

Josh. We have to come along, we're the floor show. Got any requests?

Sherry. Musicians, eh? Have I ever got a suggestion. Do you know "Up Kilkenny"

Josh. (doubtful) Hmmm  . . . . . .How does it go?

Sherry. Listen. I'll sing it for you. (Fade out lights and fade in spotlight on Sherry as she sings "Up Kilkenny")

http://www.joshwoodward.com/song/UpKilkenny

One fine day in Kilkenny, in September of the year
Our hurling boys were coming home from Cork and we did cheer
The people filled the streets that night all wearing black and gold
They looked like giant bumblebees, all swarming down the road
Up Kilkenny, up the cats
Hooray, the boys are coming back
So raise a flag up to the sky
Wave that gold and black
They town square was a buzzin' as the train pulled into town
You could move an inch cuz there were people all around
Our three time hurling champions were the fair town's pride and joy
Desired by the girls and emulated by the boys
chorus
Don't you try to find a pint at any local pub
They're running out of whisky and they're running out of grub
But the craic is flowing freely and the spirits running high
And if I see an empty barstool then I'll meet you by and by
chorus
At 8:00 next morning, the streets are thinning out
The celebration's over, but nobody has a doubt
Though the town will become quiet and the crowds will disappear
We'll be waiting for that train again, about this time next year

Are you having funEdit

Josh has a lonely moment and sings "Are you having fun" when Sherry and Joe get all smoochy.

(Fade in scene lights again. Exeunt SHERRY taking her purse and cardigan. JOSH and JOE are discovered dancing to the music from the previous song, obviously a little worse for wear, leaning bodily against each other. JOSH has removed his trousers and appears in boxer shorts.[song mentions underwear])

Josh. Hey Joe, that Sherry is a smashing girl, isn't she.

Joe. (notices Joe is not wearing trousers, stares at his shorts) What happened to you pants?

Josh. I can't dance in them. I am going to wear the Elvis glitter pants for the second set, especially when we play the fast coffee anthem.

Joe. I have to tell you, Josh, I haven't felt like this since I was fifteen.

Josh. Good grief, you really are bitten. What happened then?

Joe. Nocturnal emission.

Josh. Are you going to tell me about a wet dream.

Joe. Emission with an 'E'. It was the radio club in high school. I wanted to get a short wave radio license and my physics teacher was taken with pneumonia.

Josh. You're confusing me, what's the point of the story?

Joe. The substitute teacher was a dream-boat, lucious brainy brunette. She took me to radio hill at night so we could talk to operators in Australia.

Josh. You old devil. . . .with a teacher.

Joe. (laughing) No. You don't understand. We spoke to radio operators in Iceland and Singapore. She put the idea in my head to broadcast to the world. I knew that night what I wanted to do with my life.

Josh. and Sherry?

Joe. Sherry is just like that. She brings out the best in me. She is what I want for the rest of my life.

Josh. Sherry is your new direction?

Joe. Don't be like that. I sat on the sidelines while you were having fun with Reverend Charlene Freak McGray. Your turn will come around again. Some woman is going to love your jokes.

Josh. My jokes? Is that all? Am I just josh forever?

Joe. You could say that. Speaking of which, I am going to the bar to find her and soak up her company until you give me the signal to start the next set. The crowd is jumping, don't keep us waiting all night, OK.

(Fade lights. Close Red Curtains with JOSH in frount. Scene is changed behind to fast food spot. Spot on JOSH as he perches on a windowsill and sings "Are you having fun?" (As the music Ends, enter JOE with SHERRY on his arm.)

http://www.joshwoodward.com/song/AreYouHavingFun

e're in the shadow of the Union train, in the pouring rain
In the city that always sleeps
You tried to take me on a holiday, I wanna crawl away
Cuz this place gives me the creeps
Why'd you want to bring me here
This place is like the last frontier
They don't even sell no souveniers
Cuz there's no one here to buy them
I only wanted just a little thrill, just some time to kill
In Margaritaville
But here I'm sitting in a hotel chair, in my underwear
With a big black bug on the windowsill
You really want to go and hit the town
You've got your favorite evening gown
But why you even wanna be around
Where the drinking water's brown
Are you having fun?
Are you having fun?
Are you having fun?
Well I hope you're having fun
Just get me on a homeward flight
I couldn't stand another night
Of listening to the chickens fight
From this filthy hotel window
Are you having fun?
Are you having fun?
Are you having fun?
Well I hope you're having...
Are you having fun?
Are you having fun?
Are you having fun?
Well I hope you're having fun

Sherry. There is no grub left in Margarita-ville, we are all going to the Kilkenny Kwik.

(Curtain rises asn JOE, SHERRY and JOSH are transformed into the Kilkenny Kwik scene)

Fast Food FantasyEdit

Sherry introduces them to a friend of hers, Jasmine, at a fast food joint.  Josh falls for Jasmine, the counter girl. Josh finds his cosmic home in Jasmine as he sings "Fast Food Fantasy" and Jasmine reciprocates.

Sherry (calling off) Hello? Jasmine? (To JOSH and JOE) We swapped shifts, where can she be?

Joe. I'll have a slice of attention, with service on the side.

Josh. Take a seat, Joe. I will help Sherry find a snack.

Sherry. I'll just go and see where Jasmine is. Take a seat boys. Won't be a minute.

Jasmine. (off stage) Just a minute. Who's there?

(exit SHERRY into wings. The boys sit and make themselves comfortable)

Joe. Josh I am so in love. I never felt like this before. Sherry is an Angel. I would do anything for her. We need to go home Josh and face the music. Forgive the pun. I need a life. I need an adress that Sherry can visit.

Josh. You are really taken with this girl, aren't you. Congratulations. I am very very glad things did not work out with Violet. Not that I have anything agaisnt Violet. I love my sister and I want her to be happy. I just can't imagin her being happy for long with anybody. She is a great social climber, She needs a challenge. Perhaps I will meet someone and be as lucky as you some day. I would like to meet some one like Sherry. Not Sherry, herself obviously, because you are a great couple together, but someone down to earth like that, Someone like her. A sister or a friend of Sherry. A local girl. A waitress.

(during this explanation, JASMINE has entered and brings a tray of fast food and coffee from behind JOSH. She passes a burger over his shoulder as he talks. She moves around the table and he stops talking as he catches sight of her face, realizing she is not Jasmine. Enter SHERRY who ends opposite JASMINE facing the boys))

Josh. Hello

Sherry. Boys. (to jasmine) This is Joe, the lad I been telling you about. (To JOE and JOSH introducing) This is Jasmine.

Joe (rising) Have you got any of that lemon meringue pudding?

Sherry. Lime.

Joe. Whats the difference.

Sherry. Ireleand. Limes are green. Want some?

(JASMINE slides into the seat recently vacated by JOE. Both JOSH and JASMINE freeze. JOSH lets his jaw drop. JASMINE checks her hair, without taking her eyes away fro JOSH. SHERRY produces a plate of lime and zabaglione pie and places a small wedge between her teeth and leans forward playfully, obviously tempting Joe to bite the other end and share the piece of pie. cresendo of crumbs as they connect. business of dusting each other.)

Jasmine. Are you friend Joe with ?

Josh. I with friends am Joe, you friend Sherry are?

Jasmine. Yes

Josh. Did you hear what I said?

Jasmine. I'm single.

(JOSH and JOE sing duet "Fast food fantasy") http://www.joshwoodward.com/song/FastFoodFantasy

"Can I take your order sir,"
I'm taken by suprise
She's got a gentle kindness in her smile
and a shining in her eyes.
I need for her to see
that I am not like other guys
"I'll take a 6-piece McNugget
and a small order of fries."
Jasmine
You're like the sweetest tea
You fill my heart with glee
Come on along and rescue me
Jasmine
Eyes like the deepest sea
No one could disagree
You are my fast food fantasy
She makes the burgers with a little more cheese,
and her flurries make you want to freeze
She pours the coffee with the greatest of ease
while her smile warms it up a few degrees
She bakes the pies, salts the fries, supersize, makes it all look like a breeze,
Oh Jasmine, if I asked you, would you be my fast food squeeze?
Every day I see you here, you make me want to swoon.
i wanna buy you a happy meal, but is it just too soon?
i'm sure you hear this every day, so you're probably immune,
If you would be my fast food girl, I would take you to the moon
She goes that extra mile, she loves to see me smile, she is my fast food fantasy.
She goes that extra mile, she loves to see me smile, she is my fast food fantasy.

VindicatedEdit

Violet and Baba appear at the fast food outlet. Violet carries the news that their ganesh contract has gone viral. Baba is a forward thinker who wants to fund musical commons on the ganesh coffee theme.

Things get better still. Violet's former beau, Snooter, has lost the case against them, in fact; the court has awarded them damages, because Snooter has been fraudulently collecting royalties for a song. The family song which Josh's mother sold to Hank Williams. "Gotta hole in it" had fallen into the public domain some years before. 

(BABA GANESH  and VIOLET enter from the side and remain offset while they deliver the first lines to each other and audience)

Baba (entering) these boys are always singing.

Violet. Meh. I'm used to it. The coffee song is better.

Baba. I agree. We're going National with that song!

Violet. Global!

Baba. What's the difference?

Violet. (puffing herself up) Globes are bigger. (slight pause, then explanatory) 'National' is where you pay tax on something owned by a lot of people and 'globalization' is where a minority bulldoze the nations aside. See, Bigger. . . .Nations Pooh! nations are chicken feed.

Baba. I know. We're going amoebic.

Violet. You mean like a household name, infectious? Like as common as an ordinary cold,

Baba. House-cold contagious !

Violet. I think that's a virus. You mean viral.

Baba. Exactly. The world will suffer from an epidemic of loving my coffee and Soya-Cheese Burgers.

Violet. (taking BABA's arm) Let's tell them the news. You are such a forward thinker, sponsoring musical commons with your business as backdrop. I love it.

Baba. Wait till we tell them the best part. (BABA and VIOLET approach)

A songEdit

Baba. My Boys, My girls, look at you enjoying each other.

Violet. Josh, Joe we have great news.

Joe. Ae you visiting  . . . together?

Violet. He is a challenge, but listen to what he is going to say.

Baba. Important news from the United States. A court report. Have you heard of King Kong?

Joe & Josh (together) What? Tell us!

Baba. In 1996 Universal Studios sued Nintendo because they claimed Donkey Kong was a breech of their copyright on King Kong.

Joe & Josh. What are you saying?

Baba. I just heard. The Court held a hearing in your absence and the Judge dismissed the case.

Josh. Fantastic! (SHERRY is silently explaining to JASMINE)

Joe. We can go home!

Violet. Listen. It gets better!

Josh. Tell us!

Baba. The court awarded you costs of twenty thousand dollars.

Joe. Twenty Grand! We can set up the domain site, Josh, we are back in business.

Violet. Listen, that;s not all, it gets better.

Sherry. I can't stand it, what could be better?

Baba. That terrible man, Snooter.

Joe. Yes?

Baba. The song he claims was a breech. . . It's a king kong.

Josh. A King Kong?

Baba. The case against Nintendo lost,  because Universal Studio rights had expired.

Joe. You're not saying . . .

Josh. Oh No way. . .

Baba. Yes. That's right boys. That is what I am trying to tell you. Snooter had no claim on the song in the first place because he claimed copyright on a song that has been in the public domain for ten years. Hank Williams songs are turning up everywhere. You have a very strong case for vexatious litigation against SNooter if you decide to pursue it. His offer to settle out of court was delivered as a threat, his behaviour was unethical, the list goes on.

(JASMINE and SHERRY are openly embracing and very excitedly preparing food to celebrate the victory, BABA and VIOLET slide to background with linked arms, canoodling each other)

Josh. It gets better.

Joe. Josh, how can it get any better?

Josh. The song. My own mother sang that song and sold it, to feed her family. I thought I had lost the right to that song. I have felt violated in ways I can't describe, becuase that song came from my family, my mother, my heart. Now I feel the song has been returned to me, but more than that. The song has been returned to everyone in the world, because it's in the public domain, now I can use it myself. I feel that this is not a personal victory, but sharing is our way of becoming more than seperate selves and music is a triumph of the human condition. We are who we are. A song is just a song.

(ALL CAST join together to sing the closing chorus with linked hands.) http://www.joshwoodward.com/song/ASong

A flower is a flower, it is just a flower, it is just a flower
It's not a moonlit night, it it not a skindeep metaphor
Stop trying to search for meaning when you know that there is nothing there
There is no grand scheme, just let it be a flower
Your life is just a life, it is just a life, just another life
If you search for the meaning, there is nothing there, there's nothing anywhere
You're just another bag of skin, you're walking blindly through the backstreets of the universe
But don't be afraid, because it's beautiful
Everything is following a simple curve
And you are gonna ride along no matter how you try to swerve
As pointless as it is, it's going to roll along
It's going up, it's going up, it's coming down, it's coming down
Our love is just a love, it is just a love, just another love
A stimulation of synapses cause the dopamine reactions.. well, it's just a love
Stop trying to analyze your feelings and explain away the way you feel
Just take my hand, and let it just be a love
This song is just a song, it is just a song, just a pretty song
It's just a bunch of notes I play for you with a catchy melody
Stop trying to search for meaning when you know that there is nothing there
There is no grand point, just let it be a song

CURTAIN

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