Fortunately unfortunately/6

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The train was late. Unfortunately, this meant that Ginger wouldn't be able to reach the hospital before her mother died of ear cancer. Fortunately she had a mobile phone, so she could at least make a phone call to speak with her mother before she died. Unfortunately, her "mobile phone" was, in fact, a doomsday device created by aliens to destroy Earth, that belonged to her alien-in-disguise co-worker Furkanatorsil and was accidentally switched in their workplace earlier that day (the doomsday device was also, coincidentally, remarkably similar to her mobile phone). Fortunately it was out of batteries. Unfortunately, she still wouldn't be able to reach her mother. Fortunately she still could call her mother at the phone booth. Unfortunately the phone in her mother's room in the hospital was too far away for her mother to reach it. Fortunately some person at the hospital picked up the phone and was able to give Ginger a phone number to their cell that they'd give to her mother. Unfortunately, now that Ginger managed to speak with her mother, this story lost its main conflict. Fortunately Ginger's mother was brutally and mysteriously murdered while on the phone, so a new conflict arose. Unfortunately, Ginger was a lousy detective, and wouldn't possibly be able to discover whodunnit, since, for example, when she was five, she lost one dollar, and, after looking for it during thirty years, only this morning she found it inside the box where she put her jewellery. Fortunately her father had also been brutally and mysteriously murdered years ago, and Ginger had met several police officers at that time who she now knew rather well. Unfortunately when she tried to contact those police officers, she found out that since she last met them every single one of them had also been brutally and mysteriously murdered in the mean time. Fortunately, Ginger vaguely noticed a pattern, and decided to use that knowledge to her advantage. Unfortunately she lost the dollar she had spent 30 years looking for again. Fortunately, she hired a detective to look for her dollar, and he found it in five minutes, (it was in her back pocket) so Ginger (After paying his one dollar-per-minute charge) hired him to find the murderer of her mother, father and police officer friends. Unfortunately Ginger was running out of money before the detective, who continued to charge one dollar per minute, was able to find the murderer.


Fortunately the detective won the lottery with Ginger's money, and decided to look into the case for free. Unfortunately Ginger still didn't have any money to pay her other expenses, and got depressions because of that fact. Fortunately she at least knew why she was depressed with the help of the nameless detective. Unfortunately that didn't cure her depression. Fortunately, while she sat on the sidewalk, feeling sorry for herself, a black guy gave her a quarter and said, "Jesus saves," this filled her soul with religious fervour and cured her depression, so now we can focus on the detective. Unfortunately the detective hated religious people and framed the black guy. Fortunately, it turned out that the detective who framed the innocent "religous guy" was in fact the evil twin of Detective Nameless!!! Unfortunately this didn't free the framed person and they now had some rampaging random twin of a detective. Fortunately, the black man had a lawyer friend, that, seeing the various holes in the detective's accusations, sued him to death, gave the money to Ginger, gave her the address of his nephew, that would find the culprit for five dollars a week, and left, doffing his hat and saying, "Jesus saves". Unfortunately now that Ginger had money again, the detective didn't see any reason to continue working for free, and again charged his quite high fee. Fortunately Ginger learned how to hack and got filthy rich while stealing PayPal accounts. Unfortunately the police caught her, and she was put in jail for this. Fortunately she was able to bail easily. Unfortunately she was on the run from the police. Fortunately, she wasn't an escaped convict; she was only running because she was paranoid. Unfortunately paranoia had severe stress issues so that she ended up in the hospital her mother died in. Fortunately, she tripped on some stupid red shoes with "This shoe belongs to R.M. the person that would have no qualms on killing weak women in hospitals" on it, then she noticed the shoes were not red, they were just covered in blood, but they were white before, she thought it was stupid to paint a shoe with blood, and forgot to read the inscription, but she still had an awesome idea, "Since I'm in the hospital mom died, I'll look for clues!" (and the first place she thought of looking was the broom closet). Unfortunately she got locked in the closet when some random crazy person from the instituition next door ran by and locked her in a fit of laughter. Fortunately she had the key. Unfortunately it was made of cheese. Fortunately, this cheese key had been sitting around so long that it had gotten stale and hard. Unfortunately, she became stark ravingly hungry and in a burst of insanity that wouldn't be matched for centuries when an ancestrial line of cheese ostrich eyed historian ghosts will raid a cheese factory in search of sausage eggs, ate it. Fortunately, it turned out that the door was inside her, all along; additionally, the key was delicious. Unfortunately the stale rotting cheese key made her unbearably sick. Fortunately the doctor who came to her aid and sweetly held her titian locks back as she vomited was handsome and single.

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