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Fortunately unfortunately/3Colonization

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SpaceshipEdit

After having crossed the space for several years, the space ship Paradise Two from the exploration fleet finally had reached its destination, an as yet unexplored planet, and now the captain gave the command to initiate the landing sequence. Unfortunately, the captain couldn't initiate the sequence, since he spontaneously combusted. Fortunately, it turned out that the sequence was preprogrammed anyway, and was initiated automatically by the ship computer. Unfortunately the first officer was corrupt, so that by time the ship landed in two and a half minutes, anarchy had been evoked by a massive riot.

KaryindeEdit

Fortunately, a charismatic young woman named Karyinde gained the loyalty of a bunch of the anarchists and went off to build an Utopian society somewhere else in the planet. Unfortunately the people got sad living in the dark depths of planet, and the Utopian society became ununited. Fortunately Karyinde ordered everyone to move out of the dark depths of the planet in a dispendious, unpractical and not very useful exodus, so that they stopped pestering her while she tried to make her Utopian society work. Unfortunately, Karyinde's pet clam kept pestering her. Fortunately she didn't really like her pet clam, but she really liked clam chowder, so her clam didn't pester her for so long. Unfortunately, the clam had a pearl in it which she didn't notice in her excitement for clam chowder so that she got a serious stomach ache after eating it, and couldn't go to work for awhile. Fortunately, the planet was actually inhabited by very friendly intelligent beings, and a group of them just at that time explored the otherwise uninhabited part of the planet where the space ship had landed, and thus found and, being friendly beings, cured Karyinde. Unfortunately, these friendly alien beings wanted everyone else to obey their high moral values too, so they overthrew Karyinde's government and instituted an oppressive law system, that forced everyone to act friendly all the time, or die. Fortunately, Karyinde pointed out that killing people wasn't very friendly, and so the aliens were forced to kill themselves. Unfortunately the aliens were not very experienced in killing and therefore survived their suicide. Fortunately, Karyinde was glad to help them, and in a very friendly manner cut their heads off.

BiosphereEdit

Unfortunately the aliens were a valuable part of the ecosystem, so the human colony had to spend the rest of their resources on Terra-forming. Fortunately the colonists were very experienced Terra-formers, and therefore succeeded. Unfortunately this didn't mean that they saved many resources, so they still had to leave the comfort of technology and start living off the new formed land. Fortunately, on that land, the crop was growing very well, so they had enough to eat. Unfortunately, plowing, fertilizing and seeding the land, the colonizers destroyed the only natural barrier that, until now, had kept the spores of an ancient race of evil intelligent plants dormant. Fortunately the evil plants weren't adapted to the new biosphere, so they mutated into a more diplomatic race. Unfortunately, they used their new supervegetal skills in diplomacy to make the humans sign a treaty exchanging all human cities in the planet for an old, smelly piece of masculine underwear they had stolen earlier. Fortunately the plants were smart with managing society so that all the humans got to sit back and enjoy the Utopian society they had been looking for. Unfortunately, after they finally got it, the humans realized that an Utopian society isn't as cool as they thought, and quickly got bored. Fortunately the plants found that the humans were too much of a drain, and decided to act upon part of the treaty which wasn't that clear, so that the humans were exiled into the red ocean of the planet.

Red OceanEdit

Unfortunately, though the plants were fair diplomats, they were terrible clerics; the humans were sent to the Green Sea (a jungle) due to a clerical error. Fortunately this allowed the humans to not have to learn to live underwater, red water, and just learn how to forage about in a jungle with wild beasts. Unfortunately they were very afraid of wild beasts, so they lived in a constant fear of the jungle. Fortunately, the wild beasts turned out to not be that wild, they just looked crazy while eating ice cream. Unfortunately, since wild beasts don't have technology to produce ice cream, this could only mean that the anarchists were trying to artificially produce intelligent life by giving ice cream to random animals, and if they succeeded, nothing would be able to stop them. Fortunately, it turned out that anarchists weren't giving ice cream to random animals, but instead, the animals found a plant that produced ice cream. Unfortunately, that could only mean that the diplomatic race of intelligent plants was trying to artificially produce intelligent life by giving ice cream to random animals, and if they succeeded, nothing would be able to stop them. Fortunately nothing showed up after the intelligent plants' plans were found, which spoiled the plans. Unfortunately, nothing was slowly consuming the planet in its mission to stop the intelligent life. Fortunately this meant that there were no threats, so the unfortunate event turned out to be fortunate.

Traveling AroundEdit

Unfortunately the absence of any threats caused the colonists to become inattentive, and thus they didn't notice that a space ship with evil aliens from another planet landed on this planet. Fortunately, the evil aliens only wanted to know the direction to Alpha Capricornius, (in order to start a galactic war or something) so the colonists were able to take a ride with them and return to their non-utopian civilization. Unfortunately, the evil aliens took a wrong turn at Sirius and killed each other while arguing over who's fault it was, and so the humans were stuck on a ship with foreign controls. Fortunately there was a foreigner among the colonists, so they got to a planet called Tignitgitgimnitrifgitmitfinpinfilkindinfitpinwinwinwin, and so they colonized the planet. Unfortunately Tignitgitgimnitrifgitmitfinpinfilkindinfitpinwinwinwin denied them refugee status and they were deported to the N-Zone. Fortunately, the N-Zone, though cold and unhappy sounding, was in fact a refuge & resort for people wanting to celebrate, and the colonists had really been sent there because they won The L-Lottery (L is the name for the only intelligent race to inhabit Tignitgitgimnitrifgitmitfinpinfilkindinfitpinwinwinwin, Though they were sometimes called WinWins). Unfortunately all the humans got caught on their lottery luckiness and gambled all their money away at a casino. Fortunately they still had the starship with foreign controls, so they sold it, and started gambling again! Unfortunately this meant that they lost their ship, which couldn't be rebought since they lost all their money since they decided to gamble away the billion dollar jack pot they had won. Fortunately they were now doomed to spent the rest of their miserable lives on a pleasure planet, doomed to endless hours of fun and games. Unfortunately they soon started to get bored by the games. Fortunately, there was an obscure law in the N-Zone that stated that any person too bored to continue there, could get a ship, free of charge, and leave. Unfortunately, the ship was crap and imploded in the middle of space. Fortunately, the implosion was caused by a rip in the space-time continuum, that sent the colonists somewhere else in time and space. Unfortunately this placed the colonists in the Red Ocean. Fortunately, every other creature on the planet was dead, (excluding the non-intelligent plants, of course) so everything was fine, and they found another ship, and they still had the foreigner. Unfortunately the ship was a crappy raft which wasn't even worth the title of ship, and they had to kill half the crew just to fit onto the shabby entanglement of planks. Fortunately, after that, the ship was able to take off without any problems, and was actually the fastest ship the colonist had ever seen. Unfortunately it was so fast that much of the crew fell off into the Red Ocean. Fortunately the red ocean was actually made of a tasty and nutritive jelly like substance that cushioned their fall even more than water, and allowed them to survive until they managed to get back to firm land. Unfortunately this made their travels useless since they were now back in the Green Ocean.

Green OceanEdit

Fortunately, they were still quite laughing. Unfortunately, the beasts had become wild during their travels. Fortunately the beasts were all wild frugivores. Unfortunately that meant they ate all the fruits, so there were no fruits left for the colonists, who soon started to suffer from scurvey. Fortunately the beasts were really bad at not wasting what they ate, which allowed seeds to regrow, and so the humans were able to eat off of scraps. Unfortunately, the fruits were full of powerful hallucinogenic chemicals. Fortunately, the fruits were full of powerful hallucinogenic chemicals. Unfortunately, the colonists were unable to see how this could be a fortunate thing, as they were too busy trying to eat the tasty pieces of roasty beef that appeared where their legs should be. Fortunately, most colonists were immune to the chemicals. Unfortunately, the colonists who were not immune to the chemicals ate those who were, thinking they were sausages. Fortunately human meat turned out to be a life long antidote which also became hereditary immunity. Unfortunately without the hallucinogenic effect of those chemicals life got boring again for the colonists. Fortunately, the colonists found an ancient, dead, secret, lost, abandoned, ghostly and scary island located in the Red Ocean. Unfortunately, all the colonists were in the Green Ocean, and they all had tooth aches on account of eating raw meat, so they couldn't eat their way through the jelly. Fortunately they found a boat, so they didn't need to eat their way through the jelly, but could just paddle to it. Unfortunately the jelly was thicker than water and they didn't have that much stamina so that they ended up exhausted in the middle of a bunch of red jelly. Fortunately, they had Jelly Booties; Which allowed them to walk to the island, since the Red Ocean wasn't very big anyway. Unfortunately the boots got stuck in the jelly and eaten by jelly jells, which made the colonists be stuck on an ancient, dead, secret, lost, abandoned, ghostly and scary island. Fortunately the island seemed much less scary to the colonists when they found out that the ghosts there were in fact very friendly and happy that someone found their otherwise lost and abandoned secret island and lived there, and soon they considered it a very nice place to live. Unfortunately the zombies, who were actually composed of matter, were hostile. Fortunately, the phrase "ghostly" can never be used to mean a place which is inhabited by ghosts, but only to denote a place which itself is like a ghost; dead and haunting in appearance; Therefore, there were neither zombies, nor ghosts, friendly or otherwise (as such things don't exist anyway!). Unfortunately the island was like a ghost and so it vanished to leave the colonists lost in the Red Ocean, which had no actual land marks so that its size was still of challenge. Fortunately for an alien named Balian who blamed the aliens (colonists) for eating his meetings greeting, and making his breaking, taking, and aching seem small, so he bauled: "Maul them my Thrall!", and off, through woods and places, went thrall of all shapes and all sizes, off to the smelly jelly ocean, with great commotion, their devotion so clear, their emotion so harmonic, they sincerely did try through sly to subdue by the maul. Unfortunately for the thrall, he hopped and stopped, for he was told and showed he was...sans pants; thus Sam, the saint, said: "This is so sad.". Fortunately this saved the colonists from the thrall. Unfortunately, this didn't save the colonists from being lost in the Red Ocean. Fortunately Balian decided to harvest more of his meetings greeting, the red jelly, so that the colonists were able to return to the boring Green Ocean. Unfortunately the Green Ocean, so surprised as not we expected, got it's hair in a bun in a frolick of surprise. Fortunately the colonists were on the coast, so they weren't all taken into the odd new configuration of trees. Unfortuantely, the colonists had all lived for so long, and now it was time for them to go home, for their journey was over, Terra Prima only allows for a 3.1 years and a quarter of a decade of travel among the stars for colonists before they have to return home (if they haven't successfully built a colony, which these had failed to do).

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