kids[]
The roller coaster reached its summit, so that all the grubby children looked down and screamed, "WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!". Unfortunately the roller coaster's end was on the summit, and so the ride stopped just as the dirty little monstrosities started to scream. Fortunately, there were more rides besides The Doom Reaper. Unfortunately, the manager hated kids, especially loud ones, and gave them a "special pass" to ride on Dark Things Arise! a ride which had been closed, due to it's being unsafe. Fortunately, the children survived the estimated 1/10^123456789! chance of survival. Unfortunately, though they survived, the children were thrown a Hardy-Ramanujan (in fermi) away, into a massive copy of a Franz Marc painting. Fortunately, the painting was of no signifigant value and so noone really cared about it's loss. Unfortunately, though no one cared about the loss of the painting, the children were now stuck in Paintingland; a place where paintings become reality, and reality become the paintings. Fortunately they got out of Franz Marc's horribly colourful world of Tierschicksale into a less crazy and "arguably" better place called The Water-Lily Pond, by Monet. Unfortunately, aliens were invading the Water-Lily Pond from some sci-fi painting. Fortunately, the aliens were good, kind, helpful aliens, who gave the children some tea, then put them back in reality using they're Super-Hyper-Jumping-ProdGate-Machine. Unfortunately, the children got the Super-Hyper-Jumping Syndrome and died of seizures. Fortunately, this was all a dream, induced by drugs which induce hallucinations and (freaky) dreams, the drugs were part of the ride they had been on; Dark Things Arise!. Unfortunately, there really was a 1/10^123456789! chance of the survival and the children died. Fortunately, they all went to heaven. Unfortunately, God got pissed off with all the whinny children and decided that they needed some discipline in Hell. Fortunately, the Devil got pissed off with all the whinny children and decided they needed some discipline in military school (which is somewhat better than Hell). Unfortunately the military school was actually in Hell. Fortunatly it was time for Rod Serling to give his closing quote, and then The Twilight Zone's 30 minutes was up, so the kids got to leave the school in Hell for a better, brighter, real-world school. Unfortunately, the real-world school was in the gheto. Fortunately, the experience in ghetto school made the children more disciplined, and they learned important lessons about tolerance and multiculturalism, and they were able to understand that we are all just part of this great race called: humanity...and they learned ebonics, too. Unfortunately, this great knowledge didn't save them from being mugged while walking home from school. Fortunately the children were so grubby the muggers ran away in fear, without taking their money (not they had any money anyway, being children). Unfortunately, the muggers were in contact with Salvador Dali, who promptly created a surrealist landscape and trapped the children inside using his witch-like powers from the Dali Atomica series. Fortunately the surrealist landscape was cool, so it was all good. Unfortunately, in part due to their own natural lack of sense of direction and in part due to the absence of such things as "laws of physics" in a surrealist world, the kids would never be able to leave that place...NEVER! Fortunately, since in the surreal world time is flexible, "never" actually has about the same meaning as instantaneous. Unfortunately since in the surreal world time is flexible, "Instantaneous" actually has about the same meaning as about any amount of time other than never, which can be a lot. Fortunately time is abstract until thought as space time, which uses gravity which is not a property of the surreal so that the children themselves were time.
split[]
Unfortunately the children had stayed up past their bed-time, and parents wishes overpower all other things (even Salvador Dali) when punishing their young, so the children were soon back home, in reality, fast asleep and soon to be punished. Fortunately the last unforunate event was that unfortunate. Unfortunately, the children didn't wake up the next day, nor the following days, and no one was able to wake up even one of them, neither the parents, nor the doctors the parents consulted. Fortunately the grubby children couldn't be so grubby while sleeping. Unfortunately, they all sleepwalked around in the mucky pond out back and ended up covered in crud. Fortunately that made them cruddy, not grubby. Unfortuantely, an alternate meaning of Grubby is "contemptible", which the sleepy, nightmarish children were (making them Grubby Cruddy Sleepy Children). Fortunately this made them go to sleep, so noone had to deal with their aura of evil. Unfortunately they were already sleeping (if the doctors couldn't wake them, a bunch of crud, obviously wouldn't) and two wrongs make a right, therefore, sleeping two times without waking up between them, made them wake up, so everyone had to deal with their aura of evil. Fortunately an exorcist just happened to show up,so the aura was gone. Unfortunately, now the aura of evil is homeless and jobless, it has no family, no purpose in life, uses a great quantity of drug and begins to consider suicide as an option, but no one cares. Fortunately this leads to the aura dying, so noone had to worry about repossession. Unfortunately, this meant the aura has gone to Hell, and suffered eternal punishment for all eternity, poor, poor, evil aura. Fortunately, for the aura, Hell got made at the constant whining that the evil aura kept making, and so sent it to Never-Never Land. Unfortunately Never-Never Land never existed and so the Evil Aura was left at the time of never, which made it sad, poor, poor, evil aura. Fortunately, being sad, the sad, poor, poor, evil aura stopped being evil, and therefore was let back to earth as good aura. Unfortunately, though none of this really relates to the kids who it's about, the poor, sad, poor, evil, good aura, was by this time confused by all of it's conflicting emotions, and so it lost it's goodness and be became: an aura of confusion, and attached itself back to the nightmarish, grubby, not-sleep, cruddy child, named Michelangelo V. Carver. Fortunately, all an aura of confusion could do was giving its possessé an insatiable compulsion to chase his own tail, the only problems being that Michelangelo had no tail, and was also paraplegic, which made the whole thing not quite as interesting. Unfortunately the confused aura wanted a tail, and so it snapped and became the emo aura which caused Michelangelo to slit his wrists. Fortunately, after dying, Michelangelo awoke with the new name of Micky, except he was now in another alternate reality world, in which he was the King of the Man's Hats, also, he was no longer paraplegic, and the confused aura now decided just to make him feel confused, and to try to walk off cliffs. Unfortunately Micky did end up walking off a cliff, and died...again. Fortunately this freed all kids in the metaverse from the dark and crafty and suicidal ways of the emo aura.
merge[]
Unfortunately, this caused an instability in the metaverse, which led to the merge of several unrelated worlds, an event which caused great confusion to the inhabitants of those worlds. Fortunately, now our reality was merged with a better one, in which everything is made of chocolate. Unfortunately, the chocolate melted and so people who didn't have the endurance to always swim died. Fortunately another effect of the world merging was that most people now were perfect swimmers and thus survived. Unfortunately, due to the fact that the entire universe had been changed so that there was only one material in existance (making everyone turn into chocolate people), and the chocolate sun being unable to stabalize, there was no warmth, so all the chocolate in the universe solidified (including that which people were made out of), and because the Iron Core of the world had been turned to chocolate, leading to all the celestial bodies having weaker gravitational pulls; which made earth go flying off randomly out of the solar system, after a short time, everthing in the universe was dead.