For reasons we will not forfeit, User:Nonimportant and I completed the stub User:Leon2323 leftUser:Serprex 16:03, January 18, 2011 (UTC)
0[]
There once was a boy called Joe. He lived with his mother and father in a town not so far off from the city. Although he didn't know it, this day would change Joe's life.
An alarm clock rang in his room. He woke up, groaning. He noted that it was a Saturday and that he should have turned off the alarm clock that he used during school days. He tried to get back to sleep but he just couldn't. Joe decided to play a game on his computer. He chose Neverwinter Nights. At first, there was just the usual loading screen but as he waited, he noticed that something very strange was happening.
His arm was beginning to become transparent. His veins picked up a look of metallic wiring, and soon enough he found himself melting into the keyboard. The monitor seemed to take on more space, wrapping around him and soon enough everything was digital.
He tried to blink, but he couldn't, he had no material body. He tried to look around, but he also couldn't, but at the same time, he instantly knew that he was a bunch data in a strange word that seemed to be made entirely of electricity. Inhabited by other pieces of data like him. High above him there was a big source of light, it was the monitor.
Did that mean he was floating sideways? But how could...before he finished wondering, he already knew that there was no gravity in this world, and therefore, no "up" or "down" or "left" or "right".
Soon enough information went by him, streaming to the point that he was unable to read anything. Overloaded with the rapid jarble, he instinctively converted all the data to 0. Part of the light above him went dim. Would seem he had some minor form of control.
He tried to exert control over information streams, make them come slowly enough for him to understand the information, he then tried to move, but noticed he had no legs or arms...he tried to fly, to swim, to jump, but nothing worked. He then simply thought of going to a nearby information stream, and within seconds, he was there.
"Awesome!" He thought.
"Yes, pretty awesome, come here, will you?" he heard a voice saying in his "head", and within seconds, he was near another mass of data. Apparently, since he was only data now, other programs had some form of minor control over him.
The mass of data seemed to be absorbing a large volume of streaming data, though it all came out untouched.
The mass of data that called him forth looked down upon him, muttering "Yes, he will have to do."
"Who are you?", Joe thought.
A stream of data exited the mass of data and went through Joe, "I am Upurge.exe, I watch over this entire system, protecting it from malignant software that may enter through the internet," he heard a voice telling him, but he wasn't sure where the voice came from.
"Hey! You're my antivirus! I always thought you'd be...well, actually I never thought how in hell you would look like," Joe thought again, this time, seeing the stream of data leaving him and entering Upurge.
"Yes, you are the user. It is as I have thought. Before all, let me thank you, user. You were one of the only ones to download one of my copies from that free site on the internet after word went out to the forums that I was..."a piece of crap", as they called me... but no matter.
"A virus has invaded this terminal, and I have no information about him on my databases... I am unable to recognize him and properly deal with him, but somehow, you are here...and I suppose you are not limited by your programming and databases. We may actually have a fighting chance now."
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Streams of data were pretty similar, Joe soon learnt. Somehow he was expected to find out what combinations meant what, and it wasn't a task of memorizing but a task of patterning. Being information though, Joe picked up pretty quick. He didn't think for himself though, he had to learn how to talk with Mother. She was a pretty precise being, and she seemed to always know when she couldn't handle something and sent it off to some other workers. But for what he was doing, the workers were of little help.
Mother, however, could be of use, since she knew the location of all data. However, the millions of organized streams of data that formed Mother were hard to recognize for Joe's untrained mind. He had to speak with Mother, and try to bypass her security measures in the hard way.
"Why do I have to bypass the security measures if I'm trying to be part of the security?" Joe asked a few million cycles later
"You are the guard, if a malignant program were to take charge chaos would ensue."
"Ya, but didn't I authorize you when I downloaded you?"
"There's this uhh thing though with Mother for those subroutines, since that's what I'm trying to set you as and all."
"Your program has a bug and you're incapable of doing that, right?" the boy said, and Upurge glowed brightly, though Joe wasn't sure if it was from anger or shame.
"Uh...yeah...that too. But, but...I wasn't designed for this OS, you know!?" he replied, and left.
Joe would've rolled his eyes, if he had any, but instead, he prepared to go Mother, when he realized he didn't know where he could communicate with her. Mother was everywhere and she controlled everything, but she was not easily communicated with, she had more important things to do.
Joe searched for a program in the immediate surroundings, sending streams of data all around, after a while, perhaps a billion cycles, he finally found something that could help him, the Xplorer.exe search engine. He tried to communicate with it, but when he did, a particularly bright stream flew out of it and to some far away point. But there was no answer
Curious, he examined the mass of data, and noticed a small piece of it that glowed more than the rest. Remembering what he did before, he concentrated on 0, and turned off that data. The effect was practically instantaneous.
"Oh my, that was uncomfortable. Uh...I suppose you were trying to speak with me. I'm sorry I didn't answer, that...thing made it completely impossible for me to do anything. So, you were saying...?" Joe heard a voice in his head. Joe assumed that that was the virus. That little thing! Why couldn't Upurge take care of it? When he finished cleaning his computer he would uninstall it and find some other free antivirus in the net, and then he would laugh. He would laugh a lot.
"Uh...sir? That thing got to you?" a voice cut Joe out of his reverie.
"No...no..." Joe answered, focusing his ideas, "So, could you show me the location of somewhere I can speak with Mother?"
"Oh, most certainly. Though you will probably not be able to speak with Mother. She is a rather busy being after all. Nevertheless, I usually work only for the User, and since you rid me of that nasty bugger, I suppose I owe you one."
Xplorer.exe glowed brightly as many streams flew out of him, quickly. And the electricity of his body flowed at lightning speeds. After what seemed to Joe a billion cycles, he went back to normal.
"There. I can send you directly to Mother, if you wish."
Joe didn't even finish saying "1" when he noticed he was in front of a huge mass of electricity. Mother. She was...pretty dense. And she always seemed like she wasn't paying attention to anything, but yet she always knew what one were talking on about.
"QUERY:PASSWORD" a cold voice sounded.
Joe muttered "zazzle23" without delay.
"Oh, well hello then. And why are you here to talk on to me?" the giant mass of data glowed, sending streams toward him, "Let me guess, you want more memory allocation little program?"
"I am the User. Upurge is having trouble with access rights, you able to let him go about?"
"Upurge? He already has access rights. I cannot give access to someone that already has. That is basic programming."
Joe knew it, that good-for-nothing antivirus couldn't access because he had some bug, not because Mother had a problem. And it had sent him into a goose chase.
"But...User?" Mother streamed to him.
"Yes?"
"I am having a problem with a certain file, he seems to be acting by itself, without any input. I believe that is somehow the source of the virus. It has activated soon before your coming, so, I believe that whatever program you last tried to activate is the source. I would ask you to somehow take care of the source, because then, it is probable that the other infected files stop the abnormal behaviour. This virus is like nothing I've seen before, and trust me, I've seen lots of virus."
Joe would have gone on to query some more, but he felt himself cut off and a great emptiness surrounded him.
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Xplorer appeared, guilty of glee.
"That's enough chat from you," he streamed.
"Why'd you do that?" Joe asked, confused. But then he noticed, Xplorer had a big, bright, section in him. The virus infection was growing?
"I am tired of watching you mess with this terminal," there was a great flash, as streams came all around him, it wasn't a single voice in Joe's head, but hundreds, maybe thousands. Every single infected file was speaking with him.
"I did not expect such a thing to happen, you see? That you came here was quite a surprise, and, initially, I was unable to fathom how I would deal with you. Yours is the first universe with such a weak fabric of time-space that my mere presence made it possible for your very physical nature to change so easily. Still, you are no more than a nuisance, I've come to realize." the sound of the voices in his head was deafening.
"Yet, yours is a pretty interesting world, and I can only propagate when I finish controlling this terminal at any rate, so I will have to remove you. And since I don't have enough energy to communicate back to the MainFrame universe, I will have to use the resources at hand." the voices told him, and stopped. There was only silence.
"WTF! You tried playing NEVERWINTER NIGHTS with only 1600Mhz OVERCLOCKED?!?!???" Xplorer randomly noted with a rhetoric.
"Errrr...ya." Joe was confused a little, since he didn't really know anything about all that stuff.
"Learn to read requirements, kid," Xplorer seemed to of calmed down.
"Wait! Requirements? You mean like a 3d graphics board? I figured it was bound to work without one of those." Joe still didn't know what Xplorer was talking about.
"Well, let's just say that thanks to your lack of computer savvy and hardware, the virus can't use its higher functions, like the blast of magic missiles...or, you know, disintegration." Xplorer went silent, probably trying to figure another option.
Joe tried too, he really did, but couldn't think of anything.
"Upurge, since he can't use his higher functions, then he can't stop me from leaving this place! I just need to find a way to..." then Joe realized he had no idea on how he would leave the place.
"Oh that's a great idea! If we just find a way for you to do that, it's bound to work. Here, come with me," Upurge sent a stream that pulled Joe with him as they slowly trailed through the empty space. The various files infected by Virus were straining the processor, and everything went very slowly.
Still, there wasn't enough RAM for Virus to do anything to stop them as they strolled to the place where they needed, and prepared to do it.
"It's real lucky that this Virus infected a shitty computer such as yours. We can crush its invasion right away," Upurge told Joe.
"See, it just so happens that I am the virus, and so when you called for me I was able to reach you. And now that I've taken you to the base level, we don't have that pesky lag your computer is cursed with." Upurge grinned sheepishly.
"...Wha? Seriously, you do realize spouting plans before killing me is a bad idea, right?" Joe was trying to delay the now arrogant Upurge, since he didn't really know what to do.
"Yes, but you see, you are already doomed. I just have to call the UPURGE\DELETE:JOE function now, which just happens to no longer need validation since Mother is so busy trying to draw out that failure of an epic battle." Upurge was indeed overly arrogant, as his ramblings had given Joe enough time to call UPURGE\DELETE:UPURGE.
Upurge started to fickle, then his electricity mass glowed brightly and went out. It all happened in less than a thousand microcycles.
"Yay me," Joe said, and soon he was prepared, and the Virus could not stop him of doing the thing, which he did successfully. Joe soon found himself in front of his PC, the monitor had a big string of "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..." written on it.
Joe pulled the CPU box from the wall and threw it at the floor, then he stepped on it, then he jumped on it, then he went to the kitchen and hit a metal chair on the box until he was pretty sure it was completely broken. After he was done, he beamed at his successful work, looking at the CPU box and thinking "pwned."
He heard the hurried steps of his mother seconds before she, shocked, appeared at his doorway. "It fell down, I'll need a new one. And buy one with a 3d board this time," he told her. And while her expression changed from shock to fury, a thought popped up in his head "pwned, indeed."