Opening Segment[]
Four wrestlers, identified as Working Class Man, Conspiracy Theorist, Clone, and The Sadist enter the arena and stand around the outside of the ring, while the Owner is standing inside.
- OWNER: "NO REST FOR THE WICKED! Now, we got trough all bar two of the first round matches of the Extreme Cup last week. Here's where we stand now:"
- OWNER: "But you four..." *Looks at the four corners* "...you didn't wrestle last week. Well, we'll change that tonight. You see, with the opening two matches, we will finish round one of the tournament. Then, for these fine people gathered here tonight, we'll also have do all the round two matches. Which means that the winners of the first two matches tonight - The Conspiracy Theorist Vs Working Class Man, and Sadist Vs. The Clone - will wrestle against each other in the main event, live, tonight!"
Conspiracy Theorist grabs a mike and jumps into the ring.
- CONSPIRACY THEORIST: "So let me get this straight, Owner. You want me to wrestle twice - tonight? Well, I've watched wrestling since I was a kid, and I've seen countless promoters - Eric Bischoff, Vince McMahon, Vince Russo - out to screw wrestlers. And really, the only conclusion I can draw from you wanting us - and no-one else - to wrestle twice in one night is that you want to screw us over! More particularly, you want to screw ME over!"
- OWNER: "...but... but I'm not asking you to wrestle your second match - if you win - against anyone who hasn't also had a match earlier in the night. And I'm only asking you to wrestle twice because you didn't wrestle last week, and I want to get round 2 of the tournament over tonight..."
- CONSPIRACY THEORIST: "There you go, with your slick, so-called 'explanations.' You probably have an excuse for the inconsistancies in the moon landing too, no doubt. The truth is you're doing this because you are out to stop us winning this tournament, and..."
Extreme Cup Round 1: Match 7[]
- WORKING CLASS MAN: "I'm sick of this mindless jibberish!" *Working Class Man steps into the ring* "Truth is, buddy, that you don't want to wrestle tonight because you're lazy. Even if it means putting your claim to the Extreme Cup - and the World Title - in jeapordy. Because you're a lazy motherfucker. A lazy motherfucker who sits on his fat ass, reading websites with crazy conspiracies all day. Well, nothing has come that easy to me, and I've worked hard every day of my life, and if I need to wrestle twice to get to the Extreme Cup, then so be it!"
- CONSPIRACY THEORIST: "Who put you up to saying that? Huh? The Owner? Crazy Conspiracies, eh? Was that on your script from the Illuminati?! I KNEW YOU WERE AGAINST ME!" *Looks at the crowd* YOU'RE ALL AGAINST ME! YOU ALL MUST DIE! Starting with your 'hero,' the working class man... you will die TONIGHT!"
Owner, Clone, and The Sadist back away from the increasingly crazed Conspiracy Theorist. The match between Working Class Man and Conspiracy Theorist begins.
Working Class Man d. The Conspiracy Theorist.
Extreme Cup Round 1: Match 8[]
The Sadist enters the ring first.
- SADIST: "TONIGHT! ... I'm pissed off. THE SADIST CAME HERE TO INFLICT! SOME! PUNISHMENT! Now I don't know the Clone. And I don't care. He is not a human to me. He is nothing to me. And mark my words, he will be destroyed... and I will enjoy it. Immensely." *The Sadist rolls back his eyes* "THE PUNISHMENT IS COMING!"
Clone then passes through the enteranceway. He is now dressed exactly like The Sadist.
- CLONE: "TONIGHT! ... I'm pissed off. THE CLONE CAME HERE TO INFLICT! SOME! PUNISHMENT! Now I don't know the Sadist. And I don't care. He is not a human to me. He is nothing to me. And mark my words, he will be..." *The Sadist runs down to the enteranceway and attacks Clone*
Clone d. The Sadist.
Extreme Cup Round 2: Match 9[]
- THE SKEPTIC: "As you may know, last week - after I beat the Left Wing Moron, I was knocked unconscious in a cowardly attack by the Unamerican."
Footage is shown on the screens from last week, both of The Skeptic saying "Look, nothing against you personally, but how, precisely, is your revolution going to be different to the massive failure of the Soviet Union... As I said, nothing against you personally, but I'm - in general - skeptical about fantastic claims. Particularly ones which have failed in the past. That goes both for lefties and right wingers...", and from when the Unamerican attacked The Skeptic from behind
- THE SKEPTIC: "Now I'll deal with that worthless jobber in due course. But when I came to, I watched a tape of what happened while I was knocked out, and after watching it, I've got to ask the American Patriot some questions about what happened next."
American Patriot comes out to the ring.
- SKEPTIC: "Now, Mr. Patriot, you claim to be an American nationalist. Fine. But if you are as patriotic as you claim, why was it that, when I was attacked by the Unamerican for daring to question the extreme politics of Left Wing Radical, you did NOTHING?! In fact, not just did you do nothing, but you were happy to sit back in the locker room while Unamerican stood ovr my unconscious body and spouted the following garbage:"
More footage is shown on the screens from last week, of Unamerican saying "You know, I mightn't agree with the Left Wing Radical's politics, but he is right in attacking the values of you vermin. You see, I've come to a realisation: that Americans are the stupidest, fattest, laziest people walking the earth today. You have been raised to be morons by your backwards education system; you have no knowledge of the outside world."
- SKEPTIC: "In fact, you didn't even lay a finger on him until he said just about the only true thing he said all night:"
Footage is shown of Unamerican saying "That's the other thing I hate about YOU people. Jingoism. Look at this guy, cloaked in the stars and stripes for a cheap pop. You make me sick...," and American Patriot punching the Unamerican to the ground to start the match, while the Skeptic gets up and hobbles out of the ring.
- SKEPTIC: "So why did you let this guy talk for minutes about how horrible Americans are, and not bother laying a finger on him until he criticised you personally? Because, Mr. Patriot, his criticism of you is, ultimately, true: you are nothing but a hypocrite who wraps himself in the American flag to get a cheap pop from the fans, but who ultiamtely doesn't care if anyone attacks his country!"
- AMERICAN PATRIOT: "YOU TAKE THAT BACK!"
- SKEPTIC: "You haven't said or done a damn thing to make me think otherwise! Hell, as much as I disagree with the Commy wacko and the Unamerican, at least they have some conviction. You, on the other hand..."
- AMERICAN PATRIOT: "You know what I love about this country... *crosstalk* Hey! HEY! *Crosstalk stops* You know what I love about this country? You have the freedom to say and do whatever you like..." *American Patriot grabs the mike and knocks down the skeptic* "...and I have the right to kick your ass afterwards" *Skeptic gets up and punches American Patriot to start the match*
American Patriot (Winner, Match 2) d. The Skeptic (Winner, Match 1).
Post Match: AMERICAN PATRIOT, to the cameras: "God Bless America!"
Extreme Cup Round 2: Match 10[]
On the screens, footage from last week appears of Klinger saying "Hi there, Mr. Enforcer. You seem very... 7ft tall. Well, I just want to ask you to take pity on me. You see, growing up I didn't have many friends and... and I'm trying to make some friends and I would be sooo glad to call you a friend of mine that...," and subsequently footage of The Enforcer destroying and defeating Klinger. This is followed by footage of Disillusioned Soul defeating Born Again.
The Enforcer (Winner, Match 4) d. Disillusioned Soul (Winner, Match 3).
Extreme Cup Round 2: Match 11[]
The Massochist (Winner, Match 6) d. Liberty (Winner, Match 5).
Extreme Cup Round 2: Match 12[]
Clone, now dressed as The Working Class Man, enters the arena, and grabs a mike.
- CLONE: "I'm sick of this mindless jibberish! Truth is, buddy, that you don't want to wrestle tonight because you're lazy. Even if it means putting your claim to the Extreme Cup - and the World Title - in jeapordy. Because you're a lazy motherfucker. A lazy motherfucker who sits on his fat ass, reading websites with crazy conspiracies..." Working Class Man attacks Clone from behind, staring the match.
Working Class Man (Winner, Match 7) d. Clone (Winner, Match 8).
- WORKING CLASS MAN: "You cheap rip-off artist, you can go KISS! MY! ASS!" As the show goes off the air.
