Opening Segment[]
The show opens with 16 wrestlers gathered around the outside of the ring. The Promoter is standing in the middle, facing the cameras, holding the microphone.
- OWNER: "Hello, and welcome to a new era in Pro Wrestling: Wiki World Wrestling! This is a world first - the wrestling federation that ANYONE can edit!"
The Owner looks at the wrestlers assembled around the ring.
- OWNER: "You maggots are all gathered here for one purpose: winning the Extreme Cup. The Extreme Division here in Wiki World Wrestling is the most violent form of sports entertainment known to man. And you maggots think you can make it? As the best as the best?! ...or was it a mistake to hire you?! Well, I'm going to hold a falls count anywhere, no illegal weapons tournament - the first annual Extreme Cup Tournament - to sort the wheat from the chaff. The winner... gets a shot at the Wiki World Wrestling Title, and the Extreme Cup. I'll give the runner-up the Extreme Title. And then those who come 3rd and 4th will get to duke it out for the Extreme TV Title. Oh, and when will I hold this historic first annual Extreme Cup tournament? Well, we'll kick it off with the first six matches LIVE. HERE. TONIGHT."
The brackets appear on the screen:
- OWNER: "So tonight, The Skeptic will face off against the Left-Wing Radical. American Patriot - are you an American Patriot?! We'll put you against The Unamerican. Live. And Born Again - as in Born Again Christian? Let's see if you can inflict enough punishment to send the Disillusioned Soul to hell. As well, we have the debut of the 7ft tall Enforcer, who will destroy Klinger - for your amusement - in any way he choses. Liberty and The Anarchist will be free to destroy each other with tables, ladders, and chairs. And finally, for the main event, we'll pit The Massochist against The Zealot. In a steel cage."
- OWNER: "Anyway, enough talk, let's get this show on the road."
Extreme Cup Round 1: Match 1[]
- LEFT WING RADICAL: "Ladies and gentlemen, I have been sent here on a mission; a divine mission you could say. You see, I'm here to spread the word of a good little book that I have read, that has come to inspire my life. And the name of this little book? THE COMMUNIST MANNIFESTO! That's right, I'm here to tell you about the brilliant scientific discoveries made by a guy named Marx, and the forthcomming and inevitable Communist revolution to come! Oh yes, the golden millenium is coming! Class free society! Workers of the World Unite! Stop geering me, you Bourgeoise scum!"
The Skeptic enters the ring
- THE SKEPTIC: "I'm sorry, you're still peddling that crap? Look, nothing against you personally, but how, precisely, is your revolution going to be different to the massive failure of the Soviet Union"
- LEFT WING RADICAL: "Well well well, look who came into the ring. The reactionary hero of these masses and their false consciousness..."
- THE SKEPTIC: "As I said, nothing against you personally, but I'm - in general - skeptical about fantastic claims. Particularly ones which have failed in the past. That goes both for lefties and right wingers..."
- LEFT WING RADICAL: "BOURGEOISE SCUM!" *hits the Skeptic over the back of the head to start the match*
The Skeptic d. Left-Wing Radical.
Extreme Cup Round 1: Match 2[]
Following the last match, the Unamerican enters the ring and knocks down The Skeptic, and grabs the microphone.
- UNAMERICAN: "You know, I mightn't agree with the Left Wing Radical's politics, but he is right in attacking the values of you vermin. You see, I've come to a realisation: that Americans are the stupidest, fattest, laziest people walking the earth today. You have been raised to be morons by your backwards education system; you have no knowledge of the outside world. You claim to be the torch that lightens up the world, yet you run your war of terror killing innocent civilians. But your news won't show you that, because you are too cowardly to face up to it. Americans make me sick, which is why I gladly renounce my American citizenship and..."
American Patriot enters the ring
- UNAMERICAN: "That's the other thing I hate about YOU people. Jingoism. Look at this guy, cloaked in the stars and stripes for a cheap pop. You make me sick..." *American Patriot punches the Unamerican to the ground to start the match, while the Skeptic gets up and hobbles out of the ring.*
American Patriot d. The Unamerican.
Extreme Cup Round 1: Match 3[]
- BORN AGAIN: "You know, I was once a lost cause. Then I discovered the truth. Earlier tonight, there was a guy who came out here and claimed that the Communist Mannifesto was the Good Book. Well, that's simply not true. We all know what the good book is. See, I used to live a life of sin, treachery, and worse. That was, until I was born again and saw the light, and I heard about the coming of the Messiah. Yes, my friends, I was born again as a New Branch Davidian, and I await the Second Coming... of David Koresh!"
- BORN AGAIN: "I was born as a New Branch Davidian and I learned that there are two kinds of people: those who are with me, and those who are against me. And... and... and SHUT THE FUCK UP! As I have talked today, I've realised that all you people fall into the second category. And you are going to all rot in hell for all eternity as a result. There is only one true Church: The New Branch Davidians. It is not a cult, and all of you non-believers will rot in hell forever, when David Koresh returns."
Disillusioned Soul enters.
- DISILLUSIONED SOUL: Dude, you've been taken in by a cult!"
- BORN AGAIN: "I HAVE NOT! THEY ARE THE ONE TRUE SPIRITUAL COMMUNITY! YOU WILL BURN FOR SAYING THAT!"
- DISILLUSIONED SOUL: "And you've had to sever ties with old friends and family too?"
- BORN AGAIN: "They were links to OLD ME! OLD ME IS DEAD FOREVER! I will have no part of their sin and immorality. They will be shunned, or destroyed, until they come to their senses! Same with you: Your choices are simple: join or die!"
- DISILLUSIONED SOUL: "Look, I was in a similar situation to you once. I joined a cult, and got brainwashed by them. I wanted to save the world and do good. I was cut off from my loved ones, my home, my family, and my friends. And, frankly, I found my self burnt out by the experience. You've got to do the same - LEAVE THAT CULT!"
- BORN AGAIN: "THOSE ARE THE WORDS OF THE DEVIL! ROT IN HELL, HEATHEN!" *Born Again hits Disillusioned Soul to start the match*
Disillusioned Soul d. Born Again.
Extreme Cup Round 1: Match 4[]
- KLINGER: "Hi there, Mr. Enforcer. You seem very... 7ft tall. Well, I just want to ask you to take pity on me. You see, growing up I didn't have many friends and... and I'm trying to make some friends and I would be sooo glad to call you a friend of mine that..." *Enforcer begins attacking Klinger*
The Enforcer d. Klinger.
Extreme Cup Round 1: Match 5[]
- LIBERTY: "You know, I've been watching the show in my dressing room, and earlier tonight I noticed that there have been a number of political wackos on this show so far. Like, for example, earlier tonight, there was a pro big Government Left Wing Radical, and a rabid Unamerican who attacked the liberty and freedom that America stands for. Well - as you can guess from my name - I'm a Libertarian. I think that guns don't kill people, people kill people. I think that marijuana should be made completely legal. I think that Big Government should get out of my personal life, and out of the economy; let the market decide! And, when the wheat gets sorted from the chaff, no doubt some of these wrestlers - who don't have half the physical prowess of Liberty - will be out here crying how Liberty stole their title. And..."
Anarchist enters the ring.
- ANARCHIST: "Hey, nice story there, Mr. Liberty! And you know what, just like you, I hate the Government; hell, I'm all for free pot. But unlike you, I actually do love freedom. That's why I don't just hate the Government, I hate how big business and organised religion - as well as the Government - grind down the working man; I don't need ANYONE to tell me what's right or wrong, or how to run my life. Unlike you, and you're pro corporate sucking up. Let the market decide? Let's face it, you don't want real freedom, you're a right wing coward. And I don't think that a nice, middle class Libertarian like yourself has what it takes to cut the mustard in the extreme division."
- LIBERTY: "And you're a hypocritical coward! You SOOOO hate big business that you have no problem turning up here to fight however you like to draw a paycheque from the owner! As for who 'has what it takes,' BRING IT ON, BITCH!"
Liberty d. The Anarchist.
Extreme Cup Round 1: Match 6[]
- ZEALOT: "Wow. We've had a bunch of people tonight advocating all sorts of wacky beliefs and ideologies tonight. And they've all been keen to attack you - and whoever they are facing - if you don't agree with they are selling. Well not me, I'm here to convert you! That's right, I want you to join me! IN SUPPORTING ME! I - the Zealot - want you to JOIN ME in believing what I believe - that I'm going to be the world's next wrestling megastar! Which is why I want each and every one of you to cheer me on and by all my merchandise, because I am your new hero!"
- Masochist enters the arena*
- MASOCHIST: "Hey Zealot, do you want to convert me, too?"
- ZEALOT: "Absolutely! Everyone is welcome to join the house of the Zealot!"
- MASOCHIST: "Well you will convert me. But I want you to punish me first. Go on, be as sadistic as you like. I bet you I can take it, and then take you out. Be warned, I have a high threshold of pain... if you can break me, I'll join your house. But if you can't, then I'll take all the punishment you can hand out, and enjoy it, then take you out!"
The Massochist d. Zealot.
