Chapter Five: School DazeEdit

"Good morning class!" Hinako announced, pouncing into the room in her child form. "Today, we've got a really special treat! We have TWO new students!"

Ranko sighed and shook her head as Aizen smiled and blushed.

"I hope we can all give a warm welcome to... umm," she put her finger to her chin in thought. "No, don't help me... I can figure this out..." She tapped her head.

"Oh yeah! Aizen Satohara and Ranko Kamibaka!"

Aizen put her hand up. "Umm, teacher? It's Ranko Satohara and Aizen Kamibaka."

Hinako blinked. "Are you sure?"

Aizen nodded.


Aizen nodded again.


Aizen nodded again.

"Absotively poso--"

"Ms. Hinako, I think it's time for attendance!" Akane interrupted.

"Oh right!" Hinako pulled out her clipboard and began to call out names.

"Is she usually like this?" Aizen asked.

Ranko nodded. "This is nothing. You should see her when she thinks she has a chance to get some candy, or show off."

Aizen raised her eyebrows and nodded, not quite understanding.

"Hikaru Gosunkugi?"


"Aizen Kamibaka?"

Aizen put her hand up and smiled. "Here!"

"You really are enthused about all this, aren't you?" Ranko asked.

"What makes you say that?"

"Just a hunch."

"Well, this is pretty much the first time I've been mortal. I might as well enjoy it as much as I can."

Ranko just shook her head.

"Doremi Ranboki?"


"Ranma Saotome?"

A very tired and bored voice called from the back of the room. "Here, teacher."

"Ranko Satohara?"


"Akane Tendo?"


"Do you even know English?" Ranko asked again.

Aizen blinked. "English? Why would I need to know English?"

"This is an English class, you know."

Aizen snapped her fingers. "Actually, while I'm a god, I've got absolute knowledge of these things. I think I may be able to remember most of the language, though."

Ranko nodded, unconvinced.

"All right, boys and girls! Now I think before we start, we should find out how much our new students here know about English!"

Ranko sighed. This wasn't her best class.

"Now, let's start with Ranko. Can you translate this phrase: 'I've got a lollipop for teacher!'?"

Ranko stood up and began to speak. "I have jolly pot for tweaker."

Hinako stared with one eyebrow raised for a moment. "All right, I supposed we'll have to work on that. Aizen? Can you translate this phrase: 'I took teacher to the park'."

Aizen smiled. This would be a cinch. "I took teacher to the park."

Hinako blinked. "That's very good, Aizen. Now can you try it in English?"

Aizen shot a confused look. "Wasn't that English?"

"No, I think it was Spanish."

"Which language is English, again?"

"They speak it in America."

Aizen laughed. "Oh THAT narrows it down."

"This is English."


"No, that's German."

"How about this?"


"What about this?"


"Well, which language is it, then?"

"I'm not sure, but I think that one was Sanskrit."

Aizen shook her head. "I have no clue."

"There! That's the best English I've heard in a while!"

Aizen blinked. "Wait. I thought I was speaking Japanese."

Hinako shook her head. "No, that's English! It's great! You don't even have an accent!"

"Well, colour me bald and make me a pie."


"I heard it on a movie once."

"Okay, can you speak Japanese again? I'm sure the rest of the class would like to understand you."

"All right."

"Now would be good."

"I'm not speaking Japanese yet?"

"How does detention sound, Ms. Kamibaka?"

"It sounds like 'koryu'."

"Ms. Kamibaka, will your parents have to be called?"

Aizen shook her head and sat down.

"What are you doing?" Ranko asked.

"I've forgotten how to speak Japanese!" she whispered back.

"Speak Japanese, I can't understand you."

"I know, that's why I'm trying to get back to normal!"

"Look, if you keep doing that, I'm going to ignore you."

"I'm trying to tell you, I can't remember!"

Ranko shook her head and sat back in her desk.

"I remember this place from... back home," Ranko said only loud enough that Aizen could hear her. "I sat over there," she pointed to the other side of the room. "I used to do a lot of sleeping in that desk."

"Yeah, I would imagine... Hey! I can speak Japanese again," Aizen exclaimed.

"All right, class now we will go to page 74 of our texts, and translate the phrase on paragraph two. 'Can you please direct me to the bathroom?'" Hinako announced from the front.

Aizen put up her hand and then answered. "<Can you please direct me to the bathroom?>"

"Very good, Aizen."

Aizen didn't sit.

"Aizen, you can sit now."

"I can't."


"Because you haven't directed me to the bathroom."

"Aizen, it's a rhetorical question. It doesn't need to be answered."

Aizen crossed her legs as she stood. "Actually, I think it does."

Aizen felt better. Much better. One of the perks of being a god, was never having to go to the bathroom. No pains of holding it in.

But, as Aizen soon found out, there were no pleasures after having released it. She felt good. Even better than she did the night before.

And now that she had finished going, she was ready to return to class.

Unfortunately for Aizen, that was easier said than done.

She stood in the middle of a four-way intersection in the hallways. She took a left to get to the bathroom, so it was only common sense that she take a left to get back to class.

That was one of the many things Aizen hadn't mastered about being human. Common sense.

Ryouga growled under his breath. Here he was, he made it to school, and he was lost.

He looked around in confusion. He must be in the gymnasium. The gym is where all the books were kept, right? Which meant if he just went out the door, and took a left, his class would be a few doors away.

Ryouga walked out of the library and took a right.

Yeah. The place was starting to look familiar. As familiar as 2 square kilometres of hallway with similar decor could look.

He found himself momentarily distracted as he looked forward, something new to him.

And he stopped dead in his tracks.

"Hey, aren't you in Ms. Hinako's class?"

Ryouga was captivated by the beauty of the girl in front of him. She had long, black flowing hair. Her uniform hugged her body like she was a goddess.

Ryouga unfortunately, wasn't far off.

"Are... you in her class?" he asked.

"Yeah, I just got transferred today." The girl smiled.

"Cool! Nice to meet you, my name's Ryouga." He bowed over.

"Yeah, I know, the names Aizen. Nice to meetcha," she extended her hand.

She... knew? She knew who he was? And she was in his class?

Ryouga's mind went into overtime. It started to fill with hundreds of separate possibilities and fantasies, eventually settling upon one possibility.

She liked him.

"So, you come here often?" he asked. Smooth, real smooth. Ryouga commended himself.

"Uhh, it's my first day."

"Oh right, I knew that. So, where did you transfer from?"

"Umm... uhh.. Kamireyun..."

"Kamireyun? That's near Hokkaido, isn't it?"

"Uhh... sure."

"I've been there once."

"Got lost?"

"Yea--" Ryouga paused. Just HOW well did this girl know him?

Aizen laughed. "Look, I'm trying to find the class, you're welcome to join me if you need to."

Ryouga nodded. "Uhh... sure..."

Aizen just kept walking forward.

"So, uhh... whatcha doing... after school?"

"Probably going home."

"Where do you live?"

"I'm staying at the Tendo place right now, it's not permanent, but--" She paused and looked towards Ryouga. "Why you so interested?"

Ryouga smiled. "Hey, enquiring minds want to know."

Aizen nodded. "I'll bet."

"Wanna do something after school?" Ryouga asked.

Aizen stopped. "Hey, listen now..."


"Come on, buddy. I'm straight!"

"What a coincidence," Ryouga smirked. "So am I."

Damn! That was the last thing she needed to say. Aizen really needed to keep her situation in mind. "No, I meant... uh..."

The look of triumph on Ryouga's face told her all she needed to know.

"Gods. I knew I should have done my research better on this world before coming here, but NOOOoooOOO... I had to jump straight to the punchline."

Ryouga blinked in confusion. "Eh?"

Aizen shook her head. "Why can't you be more like your counterpart?"

Ryouga blinked again. "Eh?"

Aizen shook her head. "Nothing. Look, lets just find the class."

Ryouga just nodded and followed.

"ALOOOOHA WAHINE!" the principal greeted.

Ranko just sighed. She had been called to the office to be greeted formally by the principal, as had Aizen. But since she went missing right after she went to the bathroom, she ended up in the class alone.

"I goan' be da first to welcome you to dis fine school, yeah!" he smiled.

"Actually, Ms. Hinako welcomed me first."

"Oh, well I be da first princeepal to welcome you, 'den!"

Ranko shrugged. "That's fine."

What was surprising, was that rather than a beach front in the school yard, principal Kuno was seated in an actual office. With actual books and papers.

There was even a photograph of him shaking hands with Don King on a Hawaiian beach on the wall.

The principal started to rummage through his desk as he continued to speak. "First 'ting I do to welcome new Wahine students, if give dem sometin I gots here in my desk!"

Ranko narrowed her eyes. Was he...

The principal pulled out an electric razor. "Here we go, Wahine!"

"Hey, don't even think about it! I ain't getting no bowl cut!"

The principal blinked. "Bowl cut? Whatchu talkin'?" His eyes went wide and he laughed. "Oh, you be talkin' 'bout my return! Yeah, I be tryin' to make da Keiki and Wahine accept my new dress code, you betcha. But dey not like it. Dem parents threaten to get me fired if I continue!"

Ranko's eyes went back to normal, and she let the tension drop.

"No, dis here razor for me! I have lollipop in 'dis here desk for you!"

Ranko sighed. "A lollipop?"

"Yeah, ALL da Keiki and Wahine want a lollipop. I gots da best flavours! Pineapple, Mango, Banana and Coconut! You want dem?"

"Uhh. Thanks, I'll pass."

The principal shrugged. "You be da choice maker."

Ranko just shook her head.

"So, where be de other Wahine? What her name be? Oh yeah, Aizayn Kameebaka! Where she be?"

Ranko shrugged. "Dunno, she went to the bathroom, but never came back."

"All right, then! She no be comin' to me, me be comin' to her! To the bathroom!"

"Um... You're a guy."

"Yeah, and what be dis point you be makin'?"

"Aizen is a girl. Girls washroom?"

"Dat be da reason I be having you! You be da one to be goan' into da Wahine room!"


The principal backed into a corner. "Why all da Wahine not like me? I only tryin' to be dey friend."

Ranko shook her head. "Look, I've just got a problem with women's rooms. Call it personal preference."

"Oh, I be seein' now! You be one of dose Wahine dat swing de udder way, now aincha?"

Ranko shook her head sadly. "Fine, I guess you could say that." She shrugged.

"We be goan' now!"

"Did you hear that?" Yuka asked.

"I know. He speaks loud enough, doesn't he?" Sayuri replied.

"Was this really worth skipping class for?"

"Are you kidding? With something THAT juicy, of course! Ranko Satohara is a lesbian!"

"How much you think Nabiki will pay for this information?"

"Nothing," another voice came from behind them. "Because apparently, I already know."

Yuka and Sayuri turned around from the wall they had their ears up against. "Uhh... Hi, Nabiki."

"Shouldn't you girls be in class?" she asked.

"Yeah, but we just found out Ranko is a--"

"And your point being?"

"Well, it's juicy information."

"I do see the moneymaking potential here, but you two are going to spread it around like butter, so how do I make money off of it?"

Yuka and Sayuri looked at each other and blinked. "I think we should head back to class now."

Nabiki nodded.

"Who this 'Ranko Satohara' be, I know not. Though such a way of life interests me, I care more for the vision I experienced this morning in the infirmary."

Nabiki shook her head. "Kuno-baby, do you always follow me around?"

"You had left before I had the chance to question you of my vision. I wish to know if you saw it as well."

"What I SAW, Kuno." She turned towards him. "Will cost you 1500 yen."

Kuno dropped the cash into Nabiki's waiting hands.

"The person you saw wasn't a vision, or a goddess."

"That is in the eye of the beholder, Nabiki Tendo."

"Her name is Aizen Kamibaka, and she's in Ms. Hinako's homeroom."

"So she be upon the mortal plane. Though she is goddess, she has sacrificed her immortality to give herself to me... Body and soul, love for--"

"Kuno, please. I'm trying to keep my breakfast down as it is, and you're not helping matters with your weirdo fantasies."

Tatewaki shrugged. "Very well, then I shall continue on my way, good day Nabiki Tendo."

Ryouga was in heaven. He was being led around by a beautiful girl who KNEW him. Life is bliss.

"Dammit, I could have sworn the class was over this way." She looked towards Ryouga. "Which way do you think it is?"

Ryouga took a defensive stance, and studied the hallway carefully. "My enhanced martial artist senses tell me that it's..." He spun around and pointed. "THAT WAY!"

"Umm, Ryouga?"


"That's the wall."

"I know that, it's on the other side."

"And that's supposed to help us?"

"Well, we just go around to the other side, then we're in the class."

Aizen shook her head. "Why I'm trusting you with this, I have no idea."

"She ain't in there."

"Are you bein' sure of 'dat?"

"Yeah, I'm sure. Maybe she went back to class."

"Mebbe you should be checkin' again, just in case, you think?"

"Nah, trust me. Nobody is in there."

A moment later, two forms came around the corner.

"Hey, Yuka! Sayuri! Is Aizen back in class yet?"

Yuka snickered under her breath. "Umm, no Ranko. Why are you looking for her? Need to ask her something?"

Sayuri chuckled after that. "Yeah, I'm sure she'd be great for you."

Ranko watched them strangely as they walked by. "Now what's gotten into them?"

"Aizen Kamibaka!" Tatewaki announced from the end of the hallway. "I, your innermost desire have found you!"

Ryouga blinked. "Innermost desire?"

"Oh, not this jerk," Aizen sighed.

"I thank you, Hibiki for locating her and delivering her divine form to me."

Ryouga blinked. "Hey, waitasec."

"You may go now, and receive payment at another time."

"Hey, you wait just one second here, Kuno! I saw her first! And I'll have you know she KNOWS me!"

"How utterly false of you, Hibiki. To claim that my goddess knows you. 'Tis blasphemy, I say!"

"Umm, hello?"

"All right, Kuno. How is it? I thought you were after Akane Tendo, but now you want this girl, too?"

"Ahh, Akane, though she be beautiful as the rising sun, Aizen deserves my affections as well, for giving up her divinity."

"Divinity? What the hell are you talking about?"

"Uh... excuse me?"

"Divinity, meaning to be divine."

"I know what the word means, you idiot! I mean what do you mean she's divine?"

"I would not expect such a plebeian soul such as you to understand, Hibiki."

"Those are fighting words, Kuno!"

"Ahh, though it would be a pleasure to fight in the name of my goddess, I have no such time, Hibiki."


"Kuno, I swear I'll--"

"I have stated before I have no such time for the likes of you, so I suggest--"

"DAMNIT, LISTEN TO ME! I'M NOT INTERESTED IN EITHER OF YOU!" Aizen cried... Damn. They weren't convinced. She would have to... Only one alternative. "I'M A LESBIAN!"

That shut them up.

It also shut up the teachers in the surrounding rooms, and pretty much everyone in the hallways.

It also caused a certain half-female martial artist who had just turned the corner to see the three of them to become speechless.

"Hey now, whatchu be 'tinking about 'dat eh?" Principal Kuno patted Ranko on her back. "She have 'da same interests as you be havin' now!"

Ranko was speechless.

"What does this mean? My goddess is... interested in that as I am?" Kuno asked.

Ranko was speechless.

"Okay, does this mean you swing with guys too, or just girls?" Ryouga asked.

Ranko was speechless.

"Was I a little to loud there?" Aizen smiled, placing her hand over her mouth.

Ranko was speechless.

"You know, you could have done that a bit quieter," Nabiki said as she turned the corner.

Ranko was no longer speechless. She was embarrassed.

"Hey, does this mean--" Nabiki pointed towards Ranko, and then back to Aizen. "It seemed like you two knew each other."

"Can we please just get back to class?"

"Hey, I ain't been givin' da lollipop to 'de udder Wahini!"

Aizen looked up towards the principal. "Ooh! A lollipop? Do you have Pineapple flavoured?"

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