FANDOM



I believe I did say once that satire is different from edutainment. Well, this is satire. On many levels.

A small announcement in the Pravda, 1961 Edit

Good day comrades! Khrushchev, the wise and benevolent chief secretary of our almighty and benevolent Communist Party has publicly declared today that, in order to prove to the world the superiority and benevolence of the soviet system, and foster friendly relationships with benevolent but misguided capitalist countries, he intends to promote a democratic experiment in a small town in Czechoslovakia. If the experiment succeeds, the Party will study the best way to adapt evil and decadent bourgeois system to a socialist and benevolent system, by which our great and benevolent Union of Socialist Soviet Republics will be furthermore governed from then on. Our benevolent leaders ask the Public to have patience, remember Lenin’s grand ideals, and do their best to prevent the corruption of this experiment. And remember, the enemies of the revolution wish us to fail!

A small opinion piece in the New York Times, 1961 Edit

The commies are at it again! The White House has issued today a statement praising a “Democratic Experiment” in Czechoslovakia, planned by the Soviets. However, according to CIA analyst and correspondent of the New York Times, Terrence Blowsfield, the odds are that this “Experiment” is merely a smokescreen to hide Russia’s Decadent and Totalitarian regime. In fact, Pentagon officials claim that this would be only a pretext for abnormal Troop Movement, a preparation to Invade Europe and Asia, or maybe even, the planning stage for a Nuclear Strike. The President has issued statements hinting that the United States Government will aid in the democratic process by providing Diplomatic and Financial support to candidates supportive of True Democracy. Leaders of the communist party, showing once again to be strictly anti-democratic, claim that such help would actually make the elections “unfair”. Only one question remains, if this is really the beginning of something worse, will our Government have the courage to strike first?

A letter by Brazvhenko to his mother, 1961 Edit

Mother, how is weather in Moscow? The last thirty letters answered this question with "Cold", which I find disturbing, but then again, they were all sent in December, when all Capitalist pigs have their Christmas. so perhaps it should be expected. I know you would have preferred me to remain in Moscow, but I told you, the Party cares only about the dammed space program and nuclear research.

The economy is doing bad and, according to Khrushchev, there's no way to better our "magnificent" social situation,so no there are no more openings for a diplomaed open-chest surgery specialist in the big urban centres. I am still trying to make it work in this small town in Czechoslovakia, but the Party's bureaucrats don't make it so easy.

On a brighter note, they are trying to promote a "Democracy Experiment" around here, and I don't know about Lenin, but for me, anything that makes my country like that little bustling opportunity land, the United States is good news. I heard they have "cheeseburgers" over there...and sorry for my lack of faith, but sometimes I think our current way of doing things is bad.

A letter by Brazvhenko to his mother (after going through censorship), 1961 Edit

Mother, how is weather in Moscow? I find disturbing when all Capitalist pigs have their Christmas. The Party cares only about the economy and our magnificent social situation. I make it work in this small town in Czechoslovakia, the Party's bureaucrats make it so easy! They are trying to promote a "Democracy Experiment" around here. Lenin makes my country like little bustling opportunity land. United States, cheeseburgers and faith is bad.

A letter by Brazvhenko's mother to Brazvhenko, 1961 Edit

Sometimes I don't know how you got that diploma, sonny, your Russian is so bad! You write in broken Russian like a filthy foreigner (I spit on those pigs)! Wish you well. mom. (P.S.: The weather is still cold)

Internal memo of the PPPP, 1961 Edit

Our Secretary-Director, Kuvhog, welcomes new members of the PPPP (Pitifully Poor People's Party)! In this case, everybody. As a temporary measure, the Communist Party has allowed other parties to exist within the limits of this small town in Czechoslovakia. We are to prepare ourselves for the very first election in our town for years. Our first policy should be to take hungry workers of one of our Glorious State factories and put them on respectable jobs of campaigning for us, obtaining donations (they apparently have extensive experience in this) and managing our organization. Except for the treasury, nobody gets close to the treasury, Kuvhog will take care of it.

And this is extremely important. Nobody gets close to the treasury. Only Kuvhog. So don't even think of getting close to the treasury. Donations shall be deposited in the treasury through Kuvhog. If you want to belong to this organization, there are two rules of thumb you must always keep in mind. 1: Nobody gets close to the treasury. 2: Nobody gets close to the treasury.

Thank you, and I hope you will help us, directly or indirectly, to forward our agenda for betterment of the less equal members of our egalitarian society.

Internal memo of the CFBF, 1961 Edit

The Chief Executive Officer of the CFBF (Capitalists For a Better Future) thanks all the managers and campaigners we have for your preference. Unfortunately, the number of new members is pitifully low. Our third-party American analysts believe this will negatively affect our capacity for getting votes in the elections, and recommended us to lower your wages, and only pay what was promised during the hiring process to those that accept working twelve hours every day.

We decided that this is unusually cruel, so we will settle for eleven hours. As for the voluntary members, the board wishes you all to carry little pamphlets at all times, and tell all your friends how satisfying it is to be a voluntary campaigner of our party. According to the American analysts, the costs of advertising will be quickly compensated by your non-remunerated work, and we will actually have a margin of profit by the end.

We hope you all feel satisfied with your careers, otherwise, the analysts say we will soon have to engage in downsizing anyway, so it is always better when you leave voluntarily. And remember, only the CFBF is capable of developing new (and improved) economic policies for our town, by giving the intelligentsia the means for them to achieve their fullest potential. Private property, salary-cuts to the property-less, tax-cuts for them, deregulation and subsides.


Internal memo of the ISWT, 1961 Edit

Comrade Gurvichenko calls all the members of the ISWT (In Socialism We Trust) to support our cause, which is the cause of the people! Since the Communist Party is officially not participating in the elections, as this is a temporary experiment, we have been called by Khrushchev himself to bring the people under the protective wings of our leaders.

The goal of the ISWT is to prove to the capitalist pigs that our great Union is quite satisfied with our current system, and force them to show their true face as they try to deviously subvert our True Democracy! Come, and aided by Lenin, Stalin, and Marx himself, we shall prove to the world the superiority of communism!

Another note: We call all the high-ranking members of our party to be in the headquarters of the town's newspaper, as the director of the newspaper wishes us to explain to him what news we want printed during the campaign.

A small announcement in the Pravda, 1961 Edit

It has been six months since the wise leaders of our Union allowed new parties to be created in a small town in Czechoslovakia, as part of the wise project of having a Demonstration of Democracy to the Public. Reports from the town confirm that the wise Masses find the Party's initiative to be most wise. Wise authorities from the United States have praised the wisdom of the administration, to promote the progress of our wise system to a higher stage of communal betterment. However, we would like to remember our readers that the United States has committed unspeakable crimes against humanity, stealing money from Africa and America and is an extremely racist and elitist country.

At any rate, the leaders of our Union allowed, for the first time, that a capitalist party engages in campaign in Soviet soil. The party exists for only six months but already show clear signs of decadence and corruption. There is absolutely no chance that they will win, therefore, they will lose, demonstrating the decadence and corruption of capitalism. If they win, then it was because American CIA subverters interfered, in which case the true decadent and corrupt face capitalism will be shown to all.

On related news, Tatiana Svkhonzvky, famous ballet dancer, has wisely returned to her hometown, to be the candidate of the executive to the PPPP. She decided to enter politics to help the less than completely well-fed and happy minority of our Glorious Population.

A small opinion piece in the New York Times, 1961 Edit

It's been six months since the USSR started their wily tricks to convince the world they intend to soften their totalitarian political structure. But the White House has expressed doubts if the electoral process will be truly fair, since officials of the Communist Party have put up a "limit" of three million dollars a month (sounds more like a ban if you ask me) in the amount of political aid the Government of the United States may send to the only truly democratic party of the elections, the CFBF.

Yes, the Russkies actually allowed a democratic party to enter the elections, but we want our readers to keep in mind, we're talking about the Evil Empire around here, the same country that cruelly massacres their own inhabitants and is holding many more peoples held up by fear. In fact, Petangon officers say that they have obtained extensive evidence that the commies may be preparing to initiate a nuclear assault on Western Europe while the world is distracted by the elections, so be on your guard!

Gary Kebley, director of the third-party consulting company hired by the Government to aid the CFBF had this to say about the elections, "When Gargvhinzky tells me about the teary-eyed faces of those poor Russians that wants us to win and free them from the corrupt and decadent communist system, I cannot help but say to him that I live in America, the land of freedom, and we will do our best to export our freedom to the rest of the world!" Brave words, but will our government apply the diplomatic pressure needed to make that dream reality?

A letter by Brazvhenko to his mother, 1961 Edit

Hello mother! I am having a great time here in this small Czechoslovakian town, you see, I have become a politician! Yes, your little son decided to stop waiting for a chance in life and will make it happen with his own bare hands! I wanted to enter the CFBF, since they seem to be full of new ideas that would lessen the corruption and censorship, still they are mostly just doing what the American consultants tell them to, since otherwise they lose the funding, so I think they are a bit out of touch with our reality.

I would never enter the ISWT, of course, since I want anything but to continue with things as they are, so I decided for the PPPP, that will keep up with the socialism...though they have little idea on what to do after that, I'm trying to present my ideas, but there are so many people doing the same that anyone trying to be heard will have to become friends with Tatiana Svkhonzvky. I heard many nice things about her, so I know she will bring new ideas herself. And in case you didn't notice, I am very enthusiastic with the prospects this "election" will bring to our current system!

A letter by Brazvhenko to his mother, (after going through censorship), 1961Edit

Hello mother! I am having a great time here in this small Czechoslovakian town, you see, I have become a politician! Yes, your little son decided to stop waiting for a chance in life and will make it happen with his own bare hands! The CFBF seem to be full of corruption and censorship, they are just doing what the American tell them to.

I decided for the PPPP, that will keep up with the socialism...though they have little idea on what to do after that, I'm trying to present my ideas, but there are so many people doing the same that anyone trying to be heard will have to become friends with Tatiana Svkhonzvky. I heard many nice things about her, so I know she will bring new ideas herself. And in case you didn't notice, I am very enthusiastic with our current system.

First speech of the CFBF candidate, 1961 Edit

Good afternoon my fellow countrymen! This is a new age of new beginnings! Our great nation has passed through many hardships that have tested our will and our patriotism, but this shall come to an end.

[Applauses, if there are no applauses, smile and do a thumbs up]

The CFBF will be the ones to bring this new age when we will once again be proud of our country like our Founding Fathers (Important: We're not really sure if Russia has founding fathers, you might want to scrap this). The Communist Party has indeed achieved some gains, like in the war against the fascist enemies of freedom, but at what price!? Only through new leaders can we achieve a new age of prosperity to us all!

[Applauses, if there are no applauses, smile and do a thumbs up]

The only way is to end our unrestricted belief in our current system! And adopt new and improved ways of thinking! And this will have the benefit of putting us closer to the other countries, that will aid us and care for us what we need, while we provide them with only small benefit, like Africa.

[Applauses, if there are no applauses, smile and do a thumbs up]

Our party has obtained more campaign donations than the other parties combined! We have plenty of support from the intelligentsia for our salary reduction and efficiency heightening downzising and privatization programs, our agenda is undefeatable politically! Vote us and pave the way for a greater future!

[Applauses, if there are no applauses, say something either patriotic or about how the Almighty is at your side (Important:We are not sure how that would translate to your reality, because of the whole atheism issue, we suppose you could talk about Karl Max)]

First speech of the ISWT candidate, 1961 Edit

Good Afternoon, my comrades! I am the candidate for the ISWT, secretary of press of this small Czechoslovakian town. I know that the decision for elections was wise, since it was a decision made by the higher members of the Party themselves. Now, what I don't know is why those other people want to change things. Everything is going terribly fine!

For instance, only yesterday I went to one of the officially designated food distribution centres that are used to protect us from the famines caused by individualist and anti-collectivist behaviour, and everybody was smiling while standing on the line, and I came back six hours later, and the very same people still stood there smiling waiting to be given food! This shows how much the services provided by the Party work well.

So what do the other candidates want? They want the proletariat to submit to the bourgeois, that will be the sole owner of all food, and if a worker wants food, they will have to "pay" the bourgeois. We will work for the bourgeois and then we will pay the bourgeois! This is insane!

We of the ISWT want to continue with our current way, when we work for the political descendants of Lenin himself! And get two meals a day in exchange. Thank you, for your support.

Speech for the PPPP candidate written by Brazvhenko, 1961 Edit

People! I am the candidate of the PPPP, Tatiana Svkhonzvky, remember that name for I shall be your guide and your teacher! I shall give you advice and counsel! I shall hug you when you're sad and cheer with you when you're cheery! I am one of you! I shall not tower and rule over you, for you need not to serve me! It is I that must serve you! And to better serve you, I ask you to trust me, and kindly give me your vote.

I will not create a more egalitarian society! That is true! Because no single man or woman can do such a thing! I will give you the means to create your own society! A society with no masters, be them businessmen or bureaucrats! A society of freedom! Thank you!

First speech of the PPPP candidate, (written by Tatiana herself) 1961 Edit

Whenever I am on the stage, dancing, I think about all the poor people like you that didn't have the same luck in life. Well, I decided to come to my home city, to help you get your own luck. When I am mayor of this small Czechoslovakian town, I will reform the healthcare and I will make a truly egalitarian economy!

Then I will end the corruption of the bureaucrats of the Party, and I will open our political system to you, the working class! Then I will talk with the leaders of the Party so that they do that in all the Union and give economical aid to build more factories here so that everyone will be able to work for the glory of our town!

Then I will also make your lives better and I'll give all the food you need because there won't be no famines anymore! And it will all be thanks to my government, because it is a wise government that will heal you when you're sick feed you when you're hungry and will lead you into a new age of freedom!

A letter by Brazvhenko to his mother, 1961Edit

Mother, my previous enthusiasm is mostly deflated. Even though I did manage to become vice-candidate of Tatiana, I've come to the awful realization that she is naught but a bimbo ballet dancer trying to give an uplift on her career, as if she needed any. She only come here to show the world how much she supports democracy, so the Americans let her present in their country, because she heard they have this thing called "Hot Dogs" there. And I've come to realize that when she personally told me. Then she said "call me." (this was how I managed to become vice-candidate, by the way).

I tried to give her a good political agenda, and writing a speech based on that agenda, but she tried to read it, giggled, told me the words were too complicated and decided to write one herself. I don't know how successful she was, mother, for I was too busy officially complaining to the leaders of the party about their choice of a candidate. They told me they had to put up with her because everybody loved her so they had to make everybody love her even more and vote for her.

When I tried to explain my plans for the government, and that maybe I could be the candidate, he scoffed me as politically impossible to win. Later that day I heard she cried during her speech, together with most of the people watching and even one of the opposition candidates. Then everyone sung the International together when she prompted them, including the capitalist candidate. The only candidates that didn't sing were the ones from the ISWT because they don't sing that song since the hymn of Union changed...but nothing in the world would make them sing the song, so she does have people skills.

By the way, the capitalist candidate keeps bragging to the public that he got more money for the campaign than the others, I don't know how things are like on other countries, but this don't sound like an advantage. Especially considering the ISWT controls the only newspaper, radio and TV stations of the town. Still, the campaign will still last five months, so I hope something can be done.

An internal memo of the ISWT to sympathizers in the TV station, 1961 Edit

It was discovered by our director of campaign that you have been allowing other party's ads to be shown to the Public, while we don't care about the PPPP, since their chances of winning are slight, we are concerned with the advertisement for the CFBF, that seems to be occupying four-fifths of the grade. We are particularly concerned that this action has something to do with the trucks full of "Ice Cream" that come to the station everyday.

We know that the alluring delicacies of the West are many, but you must persevere! They want you to give up, but you must resist and assert your loyalty to the party! And if you don't, you are obviously insane so we will recommend you to be sent into the best mental hospital in the Union.

But fear not, even if you have gone mad, or if you are still a loyal citizen of the Union, the Party will still provide the best services that it can, and in less than three months you'll probably be in your right mind again.

Letter by the director-secretary of of the small town to the Secretariat, 1961 Edit

The experiment is going out of control, we had to transfer some workers from factories to the cleaning and sanitation services. The streets are littered with pamphlets, so many that they were the cause of at least three traffic accidents this week. Almost all walls have posters, not even our own ISWT avoids that. I understand their position, that they need to compete, but Gorakhov ordered the workers of the town's steel factory to stop their work and voluntarily make three huge billboards of his face on buildings. This may cause problems with achieving our quota, I recommend that older issues of the Pravda be edited to make that quota a little lower.

The CFBF is by far the greatest offender, the official red helicopters of their foreign aid (that our wise leaders so wisely allowed to enter our airspace) clutter our skies, and every day at noon, the pamphlets seem to rain over our heads. They hired an army of I don't know how many workers to glue posters at every building, and I have reports that say they are buying votes. This practice is copied by the ISWT, unfortunately, as Gorakhov seem to have made official policy of our local hospital to only treat those that agree to vote for him, and he has the KGB watching their every move.

The lesser offender seems to be the PPPP, that, according to sources, because of the influence a certain Brazvhenko has over Svkhonzvky, has officially condemned the other two parties for their less-than-savoury tactics. This seems to be working wonders, even better than Tatiana's tactics of kissing babies and smiling to cameras, and they are rapidly growing, according to polls. I think we should strive to get people in their party before they get too powerful.

Letter by the director-secretary of of the small town to the Secretariat, 1961 Edit

The elections are over and the votes were counted and recounted various times. There is no doubt, the PPPP has won. I was convinced of that for some time already, since the directors of that party made deals with the secretaries of telecommunications to allow their ads to go on TV and radio. They also made deals with the most influential people of the Intelligentsia and with unions, to get more voters.

But the greatest asset they had was Brazvhenko, the guy knows how to convince someone, and he has some pretty neat ideas. I admit I am convinced that he will be a surge of new blood to our old system. I hope the Party will deliver on its promises and allow the PPPP to rule without intervention.

Letter of Brazvhenko to his mother (no one bothered to censor), 1961 Edit

Mother, the PPPP won the elections, and it was mostly due to my suggestions, but still, they won't make my political program theirs. They had to make deals with various groups to get elected and now we have to repay those debts, with interest. Not to mention that the PPPP is a minority in the chamber of legislature, and the other two parties are making opposition to any new law that goes against their political whims, with no regard if that law will benefit someone.

That was the destiny of the bill I wrote that would make small private property legal again. The CFBFs voted against it, since (they told me that only behind closed doors) I did not give them the ping-pong table they wanted so much. Three days later, one of them proposed a bill that would tighten State control over factories, because then the ISWTs agreed they would vote for a raise on the legislature's salaries. I am terribly frustrated.

I believe I could do a better job if Tatiana listened to me, but she does not since she won. She only listen to the local secretaries of the party that became like advisers to her. She still has people's skills, though, since she managed to have everybody in town singing at her window after she declared that resources would be redirected from salaries to scientific research on how exactly pigs reproduce (a bill passed by the ISWT). I am terribly frustrated and decided that either she listens to me or I'll leave.

Last wishes and will of Brazvhenko, written in 1963 Edit

If you're reading this, then I'm dead, or you just found this around the house while I was not there. Or maybe someone found the files and made it public. For whatever reason you are reading this, know only this, it was all thanks to me. If hadn't done that...I am getting ahead of myself. Let me start at a dark night, one month after the election was won.

I went to Tatiana's room in the hall and tried to explain to her that things needed to change, that we had to go back to our old ideas, and start doing a government effectively for the people. She just giggled and tried to talk me out of that...using rather vulgar techniques. I, however, wasn't so easily swayed, and quickly put my hands inside my pants. She giggled again and asked if the bulge in my pants was a knife or I was just happy to see her.

Well, it turned out I wasn't happy to see her.

With the mayor dead, me, the vice-mayor, was put into her place, and I managed to get a hold of the legislature. However, union leaders and Party-secretaries alike systematically refused to obey the few laws that I managed to pass that would make factories more efficient while rising worker compensation for their jobs. In the end, with the lack of results, the people started to get unnerved, and when I tried to explain to them, the legislature started accusing me of all manner of crimes since I didn't obey all their whims as easily as Tatiana.

The situation escalated until the leaders of the opposition party sent a joint-request to Moscow for troops of the Warsaw Pact to subdue my "highly rebellious nature" only because I told everybody that we should star producing "cheeseburgers" since the people wanted them so much. I managed to escape across the border and it is in Pisa that I write this will. I hope mother is alright.

Letter from Brazvhenko's mother to Brazvhenko's old address, 1963 Edit

I read that the Party sent troops to get you since you became a corrupt and decadent capitalist foreigner-loving! I should've known! I spit on you! Love, mom.

A small announcement in the Pravda, 1963 Edit

It seems the Party's predictions were correct, the demonstration of democracy was as terribly corrupt as Khrushchev, our wise and benevolent leader, warned us. Unfortunately, he is also benevolent to our terrible enemies and decided to allow american diplomats have their way just this once, since they always lose diplomatic battles against our benevolent Union.

As correctly predicted in 1961, the experiment failed as all the corrupt parties created without the will of the public, specially one that fought for the decadent ideals of capitalism, after the elections were over, destroyed the last remnants of our perfect system and created a horror of the human mind where corruption was evident and the bourgeoisie once again ruled with an iron fist!

The american diplomats have failed as the Public, once again, showed that its benevolent will is strong, and that it prefers our benevolent System over the corrupt and decadent western one. Once again we look at our Party with trust, knowing that their benevolence is without limit. However, our enemies look at us and intend to strike in this hard moment for us all. So work hard, and work fast! The enemies of the revolution wish us to fail!

A small opinion piece in the New York Times, 1963 Edit

It seems the Government's predictions were correct, the "demonstration" of democracy was as terribly corrupt as Khrushchev. According to sources in the CIA, the recent invasion by troops of the Warsaw pact of a small town in Czechoslovakia shows that the commies weren't very tolerant of even the most base democratic institutions. And when I say "base democratic institutions" I'm being flattering.

The communist party has insisted on interfering with the town's "self-government", and the corrupt and decadent socialist party that participated in the elections had the last say on every decision. The "experiment" was fated to fail from the start, and it only didn't fail before thanks to the noble efforts of the USAID.

Still, the russians might still try and strike at us while we are distracted, so be on your guard. Officials of the pentagon are studying a pre-emptive nuclear strike plan, that may be used in case of suspicious activity. The city council will be showing special duck and cover films in schools tomorrow, so make sure your kids go to school, or they might not understand what ducking and covering has to do with surviving nuclear holocaust. And remember! Your own neighbor might be a soviet spy!

Ad blocker interference detected!


Wikia is a free-to-use site that makes money from advertising. We have a modified experience for viewers using ad blockers

Wikia is not accessible if you’ve made further modifications. Remove the custom ad blocker rule(s) and the page will load as expected.