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Introduction Edit

It’s a quite known fact, that coincidences can be very amusing. Coincidences are what happen when a variable set of…variables, by chance, fate, karma or divine intervention just happen to combine in such a way that hilarity ensues.

For example, when Jett Ngine, the fabled space adventurer was traveling in the long-abandoned filthy sewers of the long-abandoned ancient forgotten city of Zo, he, by chance, fate, karma or divine intervention, met a group assassins that were waiting for him.

Apparently those assassins had set up traps along Jett’s entire journey, that him, by chance, fate, karma or divine intervention had eluded unknowingly. These assassins did not wish to discuss details though, so they politely declared they would go straight to business, by aiming their mark XXX electric submachine plasma blasters at Jett’s assistant’s (Hungh) chest.

But, of course, by chance, fate, karma or divine intervention, a rip in space-time continuum was opened, that sucked the blast and the assistant to different, but interesting points of the space-time continuum. The blast was sent to the distant past of earth, exploding some president’s brains out, and disappearing without a trace, as this kind of plasma likes to do. This prompted the authorities of the time to create some ludicrulous theory that strangely didn’t involve rips in time-space continuum, but no one believed them anyway.

The assistant was sent seven days in the past, in the exact place he needed to be in order to save himself and his boss from a group of thirty-four semi-fatal accidents, appearing behind the assassins (visibly seven days older), kicking their asses with newly learned kung fu tricks, kissing a girl that was just passing by, and generally stealing the scene.

This whole set of events can be easily explained by a generally accepted theory that states that (As told by my extremely incredibly advanced space time based quantum history bio chemical psy physics professor):

“The counter probability law, or the “Deus Ex Machina law” states that: ‘In any given scenario, after all the math is said and done, the possible outcome with the least mathematical probability of happening is usually the one that most likely will happen.’

A wild example: let’s say you face a group of assassins in the long-abandoned filthy sewers of the long-abandoned ancient forgotten city of Zo, that, by chance, fate, karma or divine intervention, were waiting for you. The chances are that, if the aim their mark XXX electric submachine plasma blasters at your assistant, and fire, they’ll have about 99.99999999999999999999999999999999013% chance of killing him.

While the chance of a rip in space-time continuum, by chance, fate, karma or divine intervention, being opened, that sucks the blast and the assistant to different, but interesting points of the space-time continuum, the blast being sent to the distant past of earth, exploding some president’s brains out, and disappearing without a trace, as this kind of plasma likes to do, and then the assistant being sent seven days in the past, in the exact place he needed to be in order to save himself and you from a group of thirty-four semi-fatal accidents, appearing behind the assassins (visibly seven days older), kicking their asses with newly learned kung fu tricks, kissing a girl that was just passing by, and generally stealing the scene, is insignificant.

Therefore, there is a greater probability that this exact same thing would happen, if you were ever faced with such a scenario. Of course, the chances of the exact same scenario being even remotely possible are so small, that they are not even writable with our numerical system.”

Yes, he was a great man; my professor, too bad Jett never paid attention to his classes.

The Hu'nan's Edit

But of course, this kind of coincidence don't happen only to humans, for example: The first human settlement in Ornellas VI didn't knew that planet was already owned by another race of intergalactic beings called "Hu'nan's". So when a Hu'nan space ship landed there and four brown giant squares with no limbs whatsoever got out of it, they started to get apprehensive, until the aliens calmly stated "Greetings." in a slightly Indian accent, which made them very relieved.

To make it easier to understand why an intergalactic space faring race would say such a thing, here's an explanation of "Time Space-Linguistics" (As told by my extremely incredibly advanced space time based quantum history bio chemical psy physics professor):

"It's common knowledge that the universe is big. And when I say "big", I mean big. But not just big in a big kind of way. But really, really really big. Therefore, since the universe is so big that it borders infinity, and the possibilities of phonemes and meanings in a language is quite finite, a intergalactic space faring race, that was born in a planet 186432978.56 light years from earth could, in theory, speak english more perfectly than we do."

This, of course, was not the case with the Hu'nan's. Although most of their words were spoken in a similar way, the meanings each word had were quite different. For example, "Greetings" means, roughly: "Hey, people! This planet is ours. Would you please leave it? We don't want to impose but our home planet blew up and we need a place to live, so we'll give you five megatons of pure gold if you guys leave, alright?"

The culturally deficient humans of that planet failed to notice that the aliens were talking in an...well, alien language. Therefore they simple stated "Uh...Hi?" as an answer. Which, obviously, meant: "Fuck you man! We're fucking getting this fucking planet and you ain't fucking getting it fucking back!...Bitch!"

This made the Hu'nan's very angry, of course, which they readily demonstrated by making the classical Hu'nan's expression of undeniable hate, which consisted in half-closing the eyes, showing the teeth and exclaiming with ire: "Gahahahahahahahahah!". The culturally deficient humans of the planet thought (For some obscure reason) that the Hu'nan's were laughing, so they smiled, which was interpreted by the Hu'nan's as the classical Hu'nan expression of unspeakable evil and they kept silent.

The unknowingly humans asked: "So...what you want here?", which is easily translated to Hu'nan as: "Well, we're fucking reasonable people, so for only one fucking hundred grammes of fucking gold, you can stay with a fucking planet of ours, about one fucking light year from here, it's fucking green and purple. We have a few fucking cities there, but you can fucking orbitally bombard them, since nobody fucking lives there anymore, whadja fucking think?"

The Hu'nan's didn't want to stay anymore time with the rude humans, so they gave them the one hundred grammes of gold they asked, which the culturally deficient humans misinterpreted as a gift, and left to the nearby planet of Soded III, where they orbitally bombarded all the bustling human utopias that were on the surface, seconds before they revealed the secret of joyful truthful peaceful happiness to the galaxy.

This caused a major intergalactic war between the two empires, killing hundreds of trillions of thousands of millions of billion people on both sides. The humans didn't like too much the Hu'nan's, classifying them as "Quite friendly, but evil, nonetheless.", while the Hu'nan's thought that the humans were "Quite evil, but friendly, nonetheless.". The war ended three days after it started though, when the Hu'nan and human scientists simultaneously discovered the secret of each other languages, finally "gettin' it", laughing out loud and parting their ways.

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