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JETTA TALLON NARRATES -- I pity the poor humans who built this stinking school in the middle of nowhere. Well, maybe humans didn't build it, but all the same I pity any students who come here, especially the wimps, the preps, the dweebs and the nerds. They are going to be sorry their little dirty shadows ever crossed my path.
As for you high and mighty celestial types, if you're lucky I'll let you grovel at my feet when I'm done with you. This school is mine and the world is mine and my dad's.
Yeah, but the first thing that had to go was the snow. I wonder whose brilliant idea it was to stick this school out in the middle of nowhere. Oh well Medora, North Dakota is still Earth, but it is colder than a witche's mammary gland, not that witches' tits are really cold if they wear their long woolies.
I called on a few heat elementals and the snow started to melt leaving behind big ugly bits of brown ground. These would have been fine with me. Let the poor human grounds help have something to do planting grass seeds or let me beat up a few of mny enemies on the ground. Blood looks pretty on dried out tan earth.
Then I went in the administration building and asked for my student ID and all the rest. This dried out old bird of a human bustles around the office and hands me a card. I'm student O01B. I asked what was with the B. The woman said that O01A belonged to my sister, Ariana. I said "you better give me A you old bitch or I'll give you something you won't be able to describe." Needless to say I got my A. Let Ariana be second best. She always was you know.
I got to the dorm and some one or something was keeping the elevator from running. Besides, it was the wrong dorm. Greene Hall it is called. At least I fixed up my room but just as I got matters settled up pops the architect of all the magic that keeps the elevator from running. I was going to tell him to get it fixed or there would be Hell to pay and I mean it when I say it.
Well he was Jude Philippi. Now if you're a mortal human, or one of those unhappy revenant types or some pathetic little shape changer, you may not know who Jude Philippi is. Well just let me clue you noobs in. Jude Philippi is probably the fourth most poweful being in the universe. There he was in all his nearly immortal demigodulous glory and I told him everything was just fine. He then gave me a lecture about getting along with my sister.
Sorry Jude, some day I'm giving you a run for your money at number four. You're going to be number five or worse. I've got a job to do and I'm here to do it.
Well, Jude had a surprise for me all right. Up the stairs come poor little pathetic Ariana, my sweet sunshine twin. She set up her room and then I paid her a visit. That's why she's at the bottom of the stairs right now, just a bit incapacitated.
She didn't suspect I could just slide open that stupid fire door and send her flying down those stairs before she forgot she couldn't fly in human form. Poor dumb Ariana.
Oh well, maybe it would teach her to keep out of the way. Meanwhle, I got out my pack of Marlboro Menthols and offered up the victory smokes. I looked at the faces of the girls who took my cigarettes. One of them had clearly never smoked before. She coughed and coughed poor little pure thing. I hate wannabees like that.
I slammed my foot hard on Ms. Wanabee's toes and ground my steel soled boot until I heard a few small bones snap. Ms. Wanabee howled in pain.
A girl who could have been a sister or cousin of mine laughed. she wore black velour hip hugger jeans and a black lacey push up corsette and a black dog collar with spikes and matching wrist gauntlet. She took a drag on her cigarette. "Job well done," she congratulated me.
"What do you want?" I asked the girl.
"To be like you and to serve," she answered.
"Well you may have the right attitude. How good are you at garbage disposal?"
The girl blinked. "There's some garbage down at the bottom of the stairs I want you to get rid of."
The girl got my drift. She threw her cigarette to the floor and stepped on it with her own black spike heeled boots and trotted off down the stairs.
Jetta is in Charge! Edit
"Look Harch Head, someone has to call you an asshole sooner or later and it may as well be me, because boy do you fucking deserve it," I snarled at the stupid thing from the real one and only Pandemonium. Actually Harch Head was only from a suburb of the real one and only Pandemonium from some stinking hole of a military base where little hellions played soldier.
Harch Head looked like shit, and her looks were her best feature. "I'm in charge," I told Harch Head, "and right now you're not even worth ordering around. You're so stupid I can't even stand looking at you. Do you think I'm going to deploy you?" I laughed. I laughed so loud and so hard smoke came out of my ears which really is something to see. My friends all laughed too. Harch Head clearly wasn't one of my friends and never would be.
"I tell you what Harch Head. Why don't you do some recon-iss-ences. Go survey the country side. Do it for two or three days and then report back to me. Well...what are you waiting for...go."
Ismene Barbari, stared at me, but that was all she did. Her eyes were dull as lead weights with no fire in them. "You could have taken her this morning and made an example of her."
I knew who "her" was and she was too stupid to bother. Yes, she had played a neat prank and robbed us but she also showed the world she was so dumb she did not even appreciate magic. Instead of trying to control and master the devices, charms, and phylacteries, she destroyed them. Just wait until Ariana's stuff found itself the ice cream in a gasoline sunday with a side order of flaming match.
Well, Urielle would be easy to deal with, but defeating Ariana without pissing off the creatures that ran this school too much was my first goal and Harch Head had her head firmly up her rear end.
"She's not worth bothering with. Hey don't you obey orders? I said 'go!'"
"You are unfit to command."
"Oh such an insult..." called out Thalia.
"I know.....Well, good thing this isn't the fucking army isn't it," I laughed. Then I passed out the smokes. We could smoke without setting off the fire alarm. "Come on, Harch Head, have a smoke," I said.
I lit up and blue a cloud of tobacco smoke in her face. Harch Head did not blink.
"Do you know what happens when one of the infernal legion are unfit to command?" asked Harch head. She wouldn't quit. I'd have to really hurt her again just to get her to shut the fuck up.
"I'm not with the Infernal Kegions. Anyway, their generals obey me."
"They're generalisimos don't know what I know," Harch Head replied. "I'm honor bound to do my duty Jetta."
I turned my left hand in to a claw. I prefer to smoke with my right hand and I ripped it casually across Harch Head's abdomen. She bled but good and I noticed that Jude Philippi was no where around to save her.
To her credit, Harch Head, turned and walked out of my presence without saying a word. "Well good riddance to bad rubbish," I crowed pulling on my cigarette.
Then I started the meeting. The first thing I knew we'd have to arrange is that we all get good grades without doing any work. That would mean we'd have to figure out a way to get the answers to all our tests from the hard working goody goodies or else from the teachers. We'd also have to take control of the pool and all the other great spots on campus, but the test rigging came first.
I'd use some magic to distract the teachers and then Thalia and some of the rest of my crew and I would break in to their offices and steal all the test questions for the whole year. Cigarettes in hand we headed off across the campus towards the math and science building. Math and science were after all hard and useless subjects.